naturewoman0123 Its taken me years but I’m over it and it happened rather suddenly. It was like a switch was flipped. But there was a lot of hard work. I believe it was the grace of God. But also the work I’ve done. I’ve seen the reality of who my kids are and it isn’t pretty. I’ve accepted that I don’t like who they are. I’ve also accepted the situation for what it is and not what I would like it to be. I’ve also accepted that I am unwilling to be treated without respect and gratitude. I am unwilling to accept their abuse. Text is easy and intrusive. My sons text me. My daughter does not. I texted them both that I was blocking them in text and that they would have to communicate to me through e-mail. I had a very rough week and then BOOM it was better just like that. All of this is a dysfunctional family pattern that repeats itself over and over. Remaining in the abuse prevents healing. By the work I’ve done I mean counseling, reading, listening to YouTube videos and some serious self reflecting on my family of origin and how the problem was created. Bottom line is they made a choice. A really crappy choice that is impacting every part of their lives. Every choice we make forms who we are. I can’t control that. That is between them and God and way above my pay grade. Talking to other people won’t heal you. Detaching and distancing yourself and understanding the situation will. I feel better than I have in years. If nothing happens I’m ok with that and is far preferable to what the relationship is now. They are condescending, rude, hurtful etc... They deny, diminish, dismiss, blame, project and lie. Its to justify their crappy behavior. It’s the same story over and over. I feel completely liberated. Have hope. It is possible to feel great again.

Hello, it is me again. I went to see her, and it went so-so. When I got there, she was recovering from her 1st round of chemo but after 2 days had to take her to the hospital as she got very ill. I honestly thought she might die and after speaking to her Dr privately he had the same feelings. My aunt was there taking care of her and at first I felt sorry for her. She has parkinsons and had travelled away from her own family to be there for my mother. My mother was not very kind to her at times. I stayed with my aunt at my moms house- and while my aunt and I were spedning alot of time alone together, due to mom being hospitalized she turned into a very ugly person. I explained alot about ym childhood and why I wasn't in contact with my mother. She began by telling me she was aware of the abuse- then she went onto bad mouthing my mother, calling her self centered, a liar, that basically she got what she deserved, and on and on. She was cussing and yelling. Later on she confessed to me that she had previously been addicted to morphine. And that her husband had done time for manufacturing meth. Now, I have had no dealings withthis woman until this and I felt very out of my element, as I have not been exposed to this type of person. She was acting paranoid and would not give me any privacy. A closed door to make a call to my husband would be met with questioning. I was able to speak to my mothers Dr and she grilled me over that. I could do on but you get the idea. On the last night I was there to stay I ended up having to leave in the middle of the night as I was afraid she might actually hurt me. Despite my aint's best efforts, I was able to get my mother alone for a bit and said goodbye to her. I told her I wish I had known her better but that she didn't make things easy. My aunt came in and interrupted that scene. I am not sure if going was the right thing to do. I got to say goodbye to my mother- but she never said sorry for anything, expressed any regrets at the estrangement, nothing. On top of that my aunt now hates me and does not call me or return my calls with updates of my mothers condition. I know she had a 2nd round of chemo and that she got sick again and is thinking of giving up. The situation goes on. It is killing me and I don't know what else to do. Nothing I suppose. While I was there I helped get a few things sorted out- bought a wireless wouter so she could look at her PC from her bed. I gave her a laptop. Not met with much appreciation. I signed her up for a support group but I don't think she ever looked at the site. I sent her a long and thoughtful email, offering her to come and die at my home in OK, detailed and offering to take care of everything for her. I was sitting there when she read it and she deleted it w/o a word. Now, I opned my heart and home to this womand and she can't even look at me and acknolwledge that? My husband thinks she should NOT come here at this point, and I have to agree, given how the visit went. I had no expectations she had changed, I have no idea why I threw myself 'out there' emotionally. I guess I felt it was the right thing to do. I do have concerns about my aunt and my moms aresenal or morphine, fentantyl and oxycontin but I have done all I can do. Thanks for letting me update. I will write more when there is more. Seeing an ill stranged parent sure is a mixed bag.

Well, in my sister's case, she has mental health issues, but was a bright young lady. She was overweight since childhood, but she was an absolutely beautiful girl. She went through a stage where she thought she was a lesbian. She liked to say that she wanted to bring a girl to Thanksgiving dinner as her date and upset our folks. I told her I figured they would get over it eventually. They loved her very much. Maybe too much. She met a guy on Yahoo personals and they had German ancestry in common. Turns out he's into White Supremacy, but we didn't know that at the time. They married within the first year of dating. He moved into her apartment and it didn't take long to find out that he was emotionally abusive. He blames it on his diabetes, but he even tried to start a fight with my husband at dad's funeral. My sister was unhappy in her marriage and we learned quickly that mom and dad were NOT allowed to give her and hubby anything. I didn't know anything was wrong until mom wanted to go visit them at their house one night. They weren't home and mom started crying and saying that she wished she hadn't married this guy. It was then that I found out about his white supremacist tendencies and the way he was controlling of my sister. Of course, she has gone back and forth over this saying it's not him, it's her that's the problem, but the night our dad died guess who was with her at the hospital. Dear old mom in law, the enforcer. This woman-the boy's mother-is the one, I'm really sure of it, who is most behind the estrangement. She tried telling my aunt and grandma that our dad molested us and that we were "stair-step" children. We were in fact 7 and 11 years apart in age and our dad NEVER molested us, ever! Of course, madam wolf didn't bother to ask my oldest sister and myself. She raises a child who thinks hitler is someone to look up to and takes a giant crap on our family. I have found out that there often is an older woman in the family that is behind the estrangement of the spouses parents and family. Well, my sister says that I'm a n**ger now and she hasn't let us see their daughter. We suspect she is pregnant again, but they won't let mom see that child either-even though the big bad dad is dead as a doornail. My dad is pushing up daisies. How would you feel if you were accused of molesting your own children and denied seeing your grandchildren? It is the most bull crap thing I have ever seen. I'm sure they are feeding her the whole, their toxic people, line and I'm sure it feeds her narcissism to believe it. God will have to deal with it. I miss my dad so much. This is NOT the way things were supposed to be and her actions have affected ALL of us. Of course, she doesn't even think about any of that. It's all her up in there. Our mother is very broken. I pray for her because only God can help the hole in her heart. That chicken sister of mine couldn't even go in and see dad's lifeless body laying on the gurney the night he died, but I remember his eyes. I was with mom and we went in right after they pronounced him dead. I remember his beautiful blue eyes had faded to a green as deep as the ocean because the life had fled from them. He choose not to get that open heart surgery. I guess he didn't think dying could hurt any less than being accused of being a child molester and a sob supreme by the woman who raised a model SS career man. It's not all about any one person. What you do affects everyone and we are ALL responsible for each other. I loved and protected my sister to the best of my abilities. Our dad did yell a lot and he was an ignorant man. He didn't know how to raise children because he came from an alcoholic dad-but our did was NOT an alcoholic nor was he a child abuser. My children remember their grandparents and I would never, ever have refused my parents or my husbands' parents from getting to know their grandchildren. Never.

I disinherited my son after he returned Christmas cards and money and refused contact over the years. I sent him a copy of the will on Fathers day, letting him know that in my view our relationship or lack thereof, has come to this point. I'm done, I'm though with being rejected. I believe in forgiveness, and the door could be opened again, but I won't do one way streets anymore. Yes, I also wanted to let him know how it feels to be disowned, while I'm still alive and no hope for change after the fact. There are practical considerations too. For years I've been enmeshed in the fantasy of how things could, should or ought to be. I've always been the one that is supposed to do 99% of the work, and prove myself. He is 37, that view was fine as a young adult, but I decided that something has to motivate him to finally grow up. I had an alcoholic parent, in my mid twenties I learned how to let go of my resentment and realize he did the best he could with what he had to work with. I'm not without fault, I keep trying to give him fatherly advice about paying off his credit card debt, getting a job with benefits and having health insurance. In hindsight, I should have kept quiet, instead of trying to pass on the wisdom my parents gave to me, or so I thought. Now, I would like to leave my estate to folks that actually make an effort to be part of my life and will be there for me when the time comes. I'll forgive my son, but others will get my estate.