Cleaning out my Mothers House

I just had to do this in August and yes it is a difficult job. I was lucky I had my 2 sisters and brother there to help. It made it easier to decide what to do with 46 year of things.

Nancy

My sister and I did this for our mother after she passed. Every little item brought back memories of where it came from. We each took the things we wanted and had boxes for everything else: trash, donate, give as gifts to friends or family. We sold what we could of the furniture.

It took longer to do this way, so methodical and thoughtful, but it gave us peace that we were not just throwing away all her things. The donated things went to a thrift shop which benefited the community she loved, so that was more meaningful to us than just the major organizations like Goodwill.

You are barely into the process, the grieving. Be sure to take time to cry and remember the good times. I wish you well as you go through this very sad time.

It's a wicked job. My parents lived in Florida, and it took me two weeks to do this. My daughter and granddaughter were with me for the first week. (My granddaughter was only 5 at the time.) My parents' neighbors helped me for the second week. If they hadn't, I would have been there at least a month.

My parents were neat and organized, and didn't have a lot of "stuff." Their home was not large. Still, the task seemed huge. I came home determined to declutter and organize my own house and outbuildings so that my kids wouldn't face an impossible job when the time came.

That was in 1996. I've made some improvements, but I still have a long way to go.

Anyway, Judy, you have my sympathy. I shipped a lot of my parents' things home to my house. Kept some of it permanently. Eventually got rid of some of it, but it took me years to feel comfortable doing so. Some things are still stored.

We had to do it for both sets of parents. It is a really hard thing to do. Now that it has been some time ago I can look back at all the wonderful memories. They are priceless.. My Mother had a couple special friends and we gave them things. They were so touched we thought of them. It does get easier with time. I know right now you are missing her dearly.

I was so lucky to have the most amazing Father-in-Law. I can feel his presence sometimes. I can almost feel him patting me on the back saying, "Well done, Susie." I can still hear his laughter. He adored our children. I wish he could have seen them as parents. He would be so proud of them. He sent us a letter one time and told us how proud he was of us and how well we had raised our children. He told how respectful our children were to them always. And that the others could take some valuable lessons from us. When our son was in college he would take the time to call his Grandpa. It made his day. It's things like this that you remember.

I spent a month going through my mother's home. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done. She had so much stuff I was overwhelmed. Luckily, I had a friend that came and helped me sort every day. I thought I had kept everything I wanted, but, I still think of a few things that I sold that I wish I had kept.

My sisters and I did this when my mother passed 4 1/2 years ago. My mother wasn't much of a collector but my father, who passed already, was and we had to throw out tons of his stuff.

My almost 93 years old MIL is not doing well now and she has so much stuff. It will take weeks to clean her house. Fortunately my husband has five sisters and I will probably help them, if they want me to, but the decisions will be theirs to make.

My sympathies to you. I did this for both of my grandparents and I think it was much easier than it would be to deal with my parents' things. For one grandparent, I had help from my cousins. We had a large yard sale to get rid of the things that no one wanted. For the other grandparent, I hired a local company who held the estate sale and left the house clean and ready to sell for a very reasonable share of the estate sale proceeds.

My mother had moved from the house where I grew up to a smaller condo, and then to an even smaller apartment in a three-stage-living development. There wasn't a lot to go through, but it was difficult. I think the most heart wrenching was the way her scent lingered in her clothing. Irreplaceable Mom. (And Chanel No. 5)

I realize that with our being in our 70s, I have to clear out years of belongings. Stuff we might use, stuff no one sorted through. I have been going through my younger son's room this year. He said to throw it all out, but I check to be sure what is in the storage boxes in his closet before tossing them. Then when the garbage can is full, I stop till the following weeks. This is a big house, and there is lots to clear out. I would like to cut back so that when the day comes that the kids will work on it, there won't be so much.

While reading this, I am sitting in "my" room...a den with my mother's dining room set, and other odd pieces from her home, and my grandparent's home. Other pictures and figurines in the house have found places, especially the watercolor of my parent's home (a Victorian home they bought when they got married we kids grew up there). When mother died, we sold it through a realtor who specializes in such homes and gives sellers such as us each a copy. The eldest gets the original - ME !

It hangs on the wall at the top of the stairs in my home now.

i know it's not s job that goes quickly....but later, as you look at what you keep,...I hope you smile - I do.

If you weren't sad, you wouldn't be human IMHO! It's very sad going through all their belongings. There were 5 of us there after Dad died which made it easier to go through their stuff. They've both been gone a while now and really, it doesn't get any easier for me, in fact I believe I'm sadder now than ever.

It is so incredibly difficult.
I remember those hours all too well.
Sending some hugs your way.

'later, as you look at what you keep,...I hope you smile - I do.'

yep.

It's easy to become exhausted doing this stuff & to throw stuff out because you can't come to a decision on it.

When that happens, put everything down & go have a glass of tea or take a walk to get some oxygen into your blood & brain.

When doubt, *don't* throw it out.

Whatever you haul home can be given away/thrown away/sold later, but whatever you've discarded or sold is gone.

Take care of yourself.

I plan on giving all her grandchildren, neighbours and friends a momento of her. Want to get some nice gift bags to put things in. I am sure she would like that.

She had so many nice things that she treasured.

A columnist named Marni Jameson wrote a series of very personal articles on the subject. She and her brother had a short time to ready their parents' house for sale, and she takes us through their journey.

Here is a link that might be useful: Marni Jameson

The hardest thing in the world to do is to go through and sort your parents loved and personal possessions. To tell the truth, after my mother died I cried through the whole process. There are 7 of us so most of the furniture found good homes. She had already literally put our names on the bottom of the cut glass pieces she and daddy had inherited from my grandmother. I'm sorry I wasn't able to smile once that week. Everything brought back a memory. A lot of things like the dishes, silverware and kitchen stuff were donated. Probably a lot was trashed, but I had to come home to Florida before the job was finished.

My daughter wanted a mesh bag of Japanese glass fishing floats that hung in my grandma's kitchen window, which still hung there after my parents bought the farm and moved in. These were the original kind that floated all the way from Japan to California, where my aunt collected them and brought them to my grandparents. That's a good memory when I see it hanging in her house.

I wish you well, enjoyingspring.

It's a terribly painful thing to do. My siblings and I did it after my mom died. So sad. But we also laughed, and then would cry again.

I'm sorry you or anyone has to do this. It just something that has to be done. I wouldn't trust anyone else to do it.

I hope you can find peace from your grieving.

A few years ago, my sister and I did the same thing: go through Mom's house after she passed on. Mother did not have much money and led a subsistance life. Her Social Security was her main income, therefore, there was not a lot of 'expensive' belongings. However, what she did have packed an emotional punch. It was things we had grown up with, for example, a large ice-tea pitcher from which we had refreshing drinks on hot summer days. A lot of ice-tea and kool aide had poured over its spout.

We made a discovery we did not expect. We knew that she often made a quilt during winter so it was not surprising to find 3 of her latest ones we had never seen, bt the was something vaguely familar about the frabric - my sister spotted it. The pieces were from her dresses. She had been cutting up her dresses to make the quilt. Suddently, we realized why she had taken to wearing slacks the last 2 years of her life. We checked her closet - only one dress was there! How do you divide such a piece of handwork? Fortunately, Mom had the solution. There was not just one quilt, but two made fron her dresses. All in all, my sister and I divided up about 8 handmade new quilts.

And then, there were the crocheted dolies, some very old that we used when we were home. My sister took most of these.

We found my Dad's WW1 uniform that we did not know existed. It was made of wool. On the lapel was a sharpshooter pin. My sister was taking the pin off to give to me and I stopped her. It was my thought that the pin and the uniform should not be separated - I asked her to put it back. She has the uniform with pin. It was olny fitting that she should get something special since I had received a souple of years earlier some family documents during my genealogy search. I got our g-g-grandfather's muster roll from the Black Hawk War in 1832. Our g-g-grandfather was a Captain in that war and his copy of the muster roll was hand written by him.

And so, the process continued. I already had many of the family photos. My sister got the sterograph and views. This set included view no.1: Mr. Sears of Sears and Roebuck at his desk. The date is around 1900. In the 1900s, my mother's family shopped from the Sears Catalog. The stero-optican views were premiums. a view was given per a set amount of purchase, say one view per each $10 of order.

Mother's kitchen ware was not special, but we discoverd that she had left notes inside each piece as to whom she wished to gift to. It was shocking and sobering at the same time to realize that she had sensed her end and secretly made preparations. It made the job easier of dividing up her possessions, but sad as well, We were re-living our earlier life.

Did I get everything I wanted? No, and neither did my sister. We learned all over how to share and be grateful. In the end, it did not matter who got what because either one of us can view the other's share. We only have to make the trip to do so.

I inherited the Singer Sewing Machine but we stored it at my sister's house and she has made some clothing with it. In the end, what mattered the most was we being aware of the emotions and attachements of each other and acting accordingly. It 'twas better to forment good will than to be greedy.

With mom's terminal diagnosis, the children all came for one final time together. It included a meeting to discuss her wishes, all personal and financial affairs, and who wanted what. Everything was settled right then and there. During funeral week the siblings helped clean and sort, most of the obvious things. Everything happens so fast when a person dies. I got the house, so lots of things stayed. That allowed more time to slowly sift thru the remaining stuff. No, not easy. Living in the home where your mother just died brought on multitudes of emotional moments. I wish you well.
Quite sure after my demise, there will be some dumpsters handy to clean out this mess!

I am not going to buy another to clutter up my house, I don't want my daughters to have to go through this. It really makes you think of what is important .

I cleaned out both my gramma's and moms homes. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. So emotional. Cry if you need to, take a deep breath and go back to it. You'll get it all done eventually. It's not easy, so don't expect it to be. Lot of decisions and hearache. You'll get thru it because there isn't any other choice. Good luck and Godspeed.

No, I found it hard. Not my mom, but my grandparents. Not just any grandparents, they lived where we live and did so much for us and with us. We spent vacations together, had Sunday meals together, arranged for everything for my mom to go to treatment (alcoholism)... very close. I loved it when we could each have our specific items and I can still see them in my mom's house or my house, but I cannot imagine what it will be like when I can't see them at my mom's house. They're just things, but, so many memories are attached to them. Getting rid of the "material" won't erase memories, I know, but that doesn't make it any easier. ((((enjoyingspring))) My thoughts will abound with you today.

enjoyingspring....Thinking of you today.
I hope you know if we were all truly neighbors, we'd be right over with some coffee and pastries to help, lending you a hand and a shoulder.
Wishing you well.

I had to clean out my aunt's house in one day. She lived in Florida and I lived in Georgia. She had only 6 nieces, no children. One witcthy sister in law who had the for sale sign already in the front yard of her beloved home. I took all the pictures and went through every piece of clothing in case my aunt had placed any money in the pockets. All her jewelry was already gone, Everything was hers. She told to me take whatever, My sisters or cousins didn't really want anything. So goodwill was called and given to them.
Not a pleasant experience for my family. So when my mom passed away we knew what we wanted to do ahead of time. I have the dining room set and a piece or two of jewelry plus the photos. These we will pass on to the adult grand children. Its a very hard task. But I am glad that I did it. My aunt was a very frugal person, thank goodness. We really wanted nothing from her estate, Just enjoyed her as our beloved aunt. I don't think she knew she was being conned by her sister in law. My fathers wife. My aunt as 93 when she died,
Mary

my kids have already said sell everything...but darn it that's so hard to do...I don't have much, but a few pieces of lenox mostly clocks, and some silver...there are some rings but I sure can't sell those..i have 2 girls and want them to have those...it took my fil ages to get his stuff done...

Grandmamary, I really think there's one in every crowd!

When my best friend's father died suddenly, her mother returned home from the funeral to find that her son, my friend's older brother, had taken the furniture out of what was now his mother's house!

Susan, you don't have to 'sell everything', &, really, you shouldn't.

Keep & enjoy what you want, gift away what you want people to have, put names on the bottoms of furniture & so forth, & let the kids 'sell everything' that's left if that's what they want to do at the time.