Surprise Christmas Wedding?! Am I Crazy?!

14 years ago

My Fiancee and I have been engaged since February 2009 and have been together for 5 years and have been best friends for 10...we are both 27...

We ALMOST got married in August 2009 but many random roadblocks prevented us from doing so...

I am SO ready to be married to him and we have no pressure from anyone to have a huge wedding, so the thought of eloping has occured to us...

The stress of planning and having a wedding is a little too much for us and nothing is feeling "right"...I am thinking about surprising our families when they all come for Christmas this year with a wedding!

Everyone we would be inviting to our actual wedding is from out of town and the only people that would be here for the surprise x-mas wedding is our close immediate family (not to mention that his sister is my maid of honor and my brother is his best man).

I already have my dress and my Finacee has a nice suit we would just get married at the court house and have a nice dinner afterwards. no frills, easy, cheap and simple...

Part of me is worried that I will regret not having our close friends here for the shindig and that I will miss out on that whole "bride for a day" thing...We have many wonderful friends who have had weddings big and small and all of them say that they would "elope" if they had to do it over again...

Our families are perfectly fine with this and it is really just me wondering if i will regret the big hoopla someday?

Anyone have any words of wisdom or advice?

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (9)

gellchom
14 years ago
I think your plans sound nice and lots of fun. Stop polling your friends; everyone is different, and a big wedding doesn't have to be WRONG for a small one to be RIGHT. If it feels right to you, then go for it. It will feel special, whether it's big or small, I promise -- it's your wedding day.

If you go for the small wedding and someday wish for a big event, then have a big anniversary party.

Reading between the lines of your post, though, it seems to me like you might really want a bigger wedding, but you feel self-conscious asking for it since neither your fiance nor your families seem to be lobbying for it. If that's so, then all I can say is that not telling your husband what's in your heart is no way to start a marriage! And guess what -- for all you know, he and/or others are feeling the same way and will be grateful to you for taking the lead and saying, "You know what? I'd like to have a wedding after all."

Would including a few more friends and maybe having a venue other than the courthouse, with a few flowers, sort of make it hit critical mass for you?
sweet_pea10
14 years ago
I agree with Gellchom. If this seems right to both of you, go for it. However, if there is any possibility of regret later - regret that couldn't be handled with a reception for friends at a later date - then perhaps you should expand on your idea and make it more than a trip to the courthouse, yet keep it simple with a dinner and not an elaborate reception.
Related Discussions
I Am A Bit Surprised At The OG Practices I See In Old Literature
Q
Comments (32)
the_gurgler, The approach most people take for livestock is shocking, I agree. However, I've talked to a rancher in Mason, a couple in Fredericksburg, and one north of Austin who have nearly eliminated their inputs. Here's how that went... These people are all doing it the same way following Allan Savory's approach. They stopped medicating their animals. They get no shots, dewormers, or hormones. The few animals that get sick get slaughtered rather than medicated. In addition their offspring are slaughtered. This soon results in a herd of healthy animals that really do not get diseases or parasites. When you stop medicating for worms, the population of dung beetles returns to the pastures. Ask any modern rancher when the last time he saw a dung beetle was and he'll have to think hard about it. For the old timers it was back when he was a child. For the new kids they think dung beetles are a mythical creature. Then these ranchers stopped buying seed and fertilizer. Every year the universities come out with the latest and greatest seed varieties to make up for the problems with last year's seed. Of course there is a new fertilizer regimen for the new seed. But once you stop using seed and fertilizer, the only plants left growing are the natives that were here for millenia before we arrived to correct the situation by plowing and growing corn. The native plants are also known as forage for the animals that lived here for millenia. In order to ensure those plants return every year, these ranchers create lots of small paddocks out of larger pastures. They will put about 300 cow-calf pairs onto a 50-acre site for 1-2 weeks depending on how fast the forage is growing. Then they move them to another 50-acre pasture. By the time 2 weeks is up, these pastures look like the surface of the moon, so the animals are lined up in pecking order to move into the next paddock. When you have 15 pastures like that, it takes 30 weeks for the animals to return. In 30 weeks you are likely to get some rain and the forage will be waist high or higher. Interestingly, these paddocks are completely free of dung when the livestock leave, because the dung beetles process it on the fly (so to speak). Twenty-four hours after the animals leave, the dung is all processed and buried in the soil as fertility for the next season's crop. The secondary benefit of dung beetles (which I believe is the primary benefit) is they dig thousands of tunnels in the soil that allow for the complete capture of any and every rain that hits the ground. There is no runoff or erosion on these ranches. These ranches no longer use herbicide because everything that grows is forage. There is no such thing as weeds to livestock. If you get some plants that cattle will not eat, chances are excellent that goats or sheep will eat it. These ranches no longer use insecticide because that would kill the dung beetles. Besides these new "organic" fields are filled with birds now who are going after the dung beetles and other insects. The third benefit of the dung beetles is that any parasites that were in the cattle dung are "processed" along with the dung by the beetles. Those parasites die before they can infect the livestock because the livestock will not be back to that same paddock for six months. Flies are among the parasites that no longer affect these animals. The only input left is minerals to replace the minerals taken out by the cattle. It turns out that the major mineral removed is calcium but the cattle like other minerals, too. In particular they happen to love the minerals in seaweed. So by providing seaweed and calcium supplements freely to the animals, they will spread them back around on the ground and the dung beetles move them down into the ground. When the dung beetles dig their holes that capture water, the water is ALL absorbed by the soil and eventually gets used either for the forage plants above or it seeps into the water table, streams, or aquifers. This replenishes the water supply rather than allowing it to run off and away. Dry creeks and streams refill and the riparian areas return to health bringing birds, fish, and aquatic plants. The U Bar ranch in New Mexico was so successful with their riparian areas that they now have most of the entire world's population of the endangered southwestern willow flycatchers - and those birds were never seen in that area before the cattle were brought in to "fix" the soil. By fencing the animals into smaller paddocks and teaching them to walk through an open gate, there is no need for cowboys hooting and hollering and riding around trying to find the strays. There just aren't any. The total investment for infrastructure is for fence wire. The total input for animal maintenance and health is seaweed and calcium. Except for the seaweed and calcium, these ranches are completely self sustained. So what are the results? At the end of 9 months, the calves weigh in around 675 to 700 pounds. That is normal in anyone's book for cattle growth. While other ranchers spend up to $400 per animal on variable costs (meds, seed, fertilizers, herbicide, insecticide, cowboys, special dietary supps and extra feed, and special equipment), these ranchers spend more like $35 per animal. The sales bring the same back to all the ranchers so the ones with the lowest cost make the most profit. Can they do this on a sustainable basis? The ranchers I talked to have been doing it for 20 years and they only get better at it. They have generally doubled the customary stocking rate that their neighbors are able to achieve. As far as I know no other agriculture system in history has approached this sort of sustainability. The keys are fencing them into small areas and rotating them when the next paddock is ready. This system mimics the natural migrational type of grazing that animals do in the wild. They do not move on until they are out of food or predators push them on. The leave behind a soil that is free of vegetation and ready for the next rain. They migrate from the south in the spring and from the north in the fall. This gives them two passes at their forage during the year. I realize there is a no cow movement going on but I think that would be a disaster. The Earth has relied on grazing and browsing animals since the dawn of time. We just bungled livestock management until Allan Savory put all the pieces back together. His methods are in use in every continent and seem to work everywhere. It if works in the high dry desert of New Mexico, it should work just about anywhere.
...See More
Home Depot's policy. Why am I not surprised.
Q
Comments (31)
Hollysprings, You said: "Forgottensong, I've seen your posts before about your being unhappy with your KM cabinets. You've never provided pictures of those cabinets for anyone else to help you to assess if what you are unhappy about is normal or abnormal. You've never posted a design for feedback. You've never posted a single layout of your space at all. You've just posted about your unhappy experiences. I'd really like to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you've never posted a single postive thing about your kitchen at all, and I'm really sorry to say this, but some people just can't be made happy and it seems to me that you might be one of these people. And it seems that you want to lay blame on HD publicly just like you did KM when what you are experiencing is normal (as far as the cabinet variation) or due to you and your contractor for skirting the correct steps of the design process". You SOUND like you've worked for HD for 6 years. This is exactly the kind of comment I would expect from an employee there. Forgottensong is venting and frustrated and probably many other things. So your response is that you must assume she is just a problem child since she hasn't provided any proof to you. There are two problems with this. The first is that she isn't attempting to prove anything to you right now. She is talking about her point of view not being interrogated. She has no reason to prove anything to you at all, or to the people of gardenweb in general. The second is that the items you are looking for; the floorplans, designs, or measurements will not provide proof of anything. So I'm not sure why you are using the lack of those things as an attempt to undermine her dissatisfaction with the company. You specifically say that "I'd really like to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you've never posted a single postive thing about your kitchen at all" This statement is so bizarre that I'm not even sure how to respond to it. Because she doesnt shared positive information with you doesn't prove the negative information false. Take it a step further; If her experience has been negative WHY would she then post positive things? Either way... what does that have to do with the situation? Then you say: "Under no circumstances does HD ever reimburse a customer for a third party laborer. It was the customer's choice to not use HD's installers, and HD has no control over the quality or price of 3rd party labor and thus they only offer to provide material." It doesn't seem like Forgotten song is having an issue with cabinet installation. She is having an issue with things like cabinets being designed to go over the top of electrical outlets. HD does not run electrical lines so having HD fix it is beyond their legal scope (since they are not licensed contractors, etc). So we are not discussing an installation, so much as a design that does not take electrical into account. Lastly, I worked for a construction firm for several years and they did many measurements & installations for HD during my time there. This was 6-8 years ago so processes may have changed but during that period HD outsourced all of it's measureing and installation to private contractors and I believe that is still the case. To say there were errors is an understatement. Now forgottensong may in fact be "one of those people". Some days I am one of those people. But is it your place to call her on it? No. What reason could you have? And have you just exemplified Home Depot by responding to her concerns in the same way they did? Yes.
...See More
Cabinet maker...am I naive or is he crazy?
Q
Comments (54)
I think thread shows that the answers depend on the way the question is framed. The $660+ charge can be a "fair" price for what may actually go into such a project by any number of cabinetmakers, AND you may also be able to find someone who will do it for less, even if for different reasons than that the first person was ripping you off. So if the quick answer is, pay up, don't look any further, you might spend more than you absolutely have to if you are able to look much further afield and establish another person's work credentials and quality; but on the other hand, it seems good to realize that a lot of our "acounting" as homeowners does tend to gloss over all of the hidden tasks of crafting something, because we're used to doing lots of the pre-or post creation of things for ourselves, and because maybe we imagine that craft-persons are doing everything in some kind of top efficiency assembly line AND someone else is paying for gasoline and utilities. So it's easy to try to think that you should only pay for just the things that seem directly related to your order and not any other related overhead, upkeep, material acquisition time,gas, electricity, or anything. Sort of as if some of the tasks we might do at work were actually itemized, I reckon someone would say, you mean I'm paying $$ for you to file a report? Or whatever.
...See More
Am I crazy to get the whole house LVP and no carpet? I'm freaking out.
Q
Comments (52)
@Chessie The irony is that we actually don't even take baths! The default option was a built-in bathtub surrounded by a rectangular tiled edge, and I knew we'd be bonking our knees and calves into the corners every time we walked into our closets. Similar to this one: So we upgraded to a freestanding just so we could avoid the bruises! Though looking at it now that it's installed, it kind of makes me want to take a bath after all.
...See More
duckie
14 years ago
It sounds good for the most part, however I have a purely practical question. When exactly do you plan to get married, and who will be available to be there? If your family is coming in from out of town for Christmas, will they be in town during the hours that the courthouse is open? I know that each of the terms "married at the court house" and "Christmas" can have multiple meanings. I think (and oh boy could I be wrong!) that you want your close immediate family to witness your vows, not just be treated to the celebration dinner. Be sure to figure out these logistics.
sweeby
14 years ago
That's just what we did -- and it was the most wonderful stress-free wedding! Took all of two hours, maybe four and a few phone calls to plan...

We found a nice restaurant with a beautiful location and decor -- one that does catering and special events -- and chose December 23rd, since that was the night they had available. There were about 25 people total, so we had the ceremony upstairs in one of their party rooms (a judge or Justice of the Peace performed the ceremony there) and a fabulous dinner afterward in one of their private dining rooms. The place was already decorated for Christmas, so no extra decorations were needed. Our cake was one of their 'standard' desserts -- a gorgeous hazelnut truffle cake (the best-tasting wedding cake ever) and our guests were able to choose from a pared-down menu of items the kitchen could pull off easily for 25 on a 'regular' dinner night. I have NO regrets!

With this year's calendar, the 26th or 27th would be great... And you have just enough time to plan ;-)
joann23456
14 years ago
That sounds like a wonderful wedding to me, as does yours, Sweeby. I do agree with Gellchom and Sweet Pea, though, that if it's not what you *really* want, it's not a great idea.
oilpainter
14 years ago
A small wedding can be just as nice as a big extravaganza. In fact I'm in favor of small weddings. We had one ourselves.

I don't think you'd miss all the hoopla(and expense) of a big wedding. I certainly didn't. I do think you will miss not having a special day by not planning anything and going for a quicky at the court house.

If I were you, I'd look for a nice place to have the ceramony and a small intimate dinner with your families and a bouquet for you. That would be all the planning you would have to do, and it would be a lovely wedding. The Christmas season is perfect, because most places will already be decorated.

I'd take sweeby's suggestions and run with it. If she has no regrets and I have none, you won't either.
gellchom
14 years ago
It is certainly true that small weddings can be just as lovely and meaningful as large ones.

But one kind doesn't have to be WRONG for the other kind to be right, too. The opposite of "small wedding" is not "big extravaganza." There is no need to insult other people's choices in order to justify our own. Anyway, there are large but understated weddings and small but extravagant ones.

It's not the kind of wedding we like that is important, it's the kind of wedding SHE wants. If the thought of a courthouse wedding followed by a restaurant dinner, without her friends and relatives beyond immediate family is not what lauren truly wants -- and I suspect it isn't, or she wouldn't have been posting -- then she needs to accept that and either change her plans or come to terms with them.

I'm glad you have no regrets. But everyone is different. I don't want lauren to feel childish or selfish if she does decide to wait a bit and have a bigger event.
oilpainter
14 years ago
gellchom:

Please no offense was meant. Some have must a large wedding and that's their choice and there is nothing wrong with that if that's what you want.

I think you must have had a big wedding to take such offense. That was your choice and more power to you, but don't scorn us because we saw things differently, than you.

My words came right from the OP. She wondered if she would miss the hoopla--her words. I only reassured her she wouldn't
silversword
14 years ago
I had both ;) my first wedding was a huge shindig with many many bridesmaids, 200 guests, gorgeous location, catered dinner, special cake, two bands.... etc....

My second wedding was a very intimate affair, 20 guests, all family except for my best friend and his best friend.

If I were to get married again, I'd elope. Come back and throw the party after, without all the stress. It's YOUR day. If you think you might regret not having a big wedding, have the big wedding. Remember that you will not be able to fully enjoy it because your bridesmaid will be crying because she's not your maid of honor, your groomsmen will drunkenly flirt with your sister, your mother will be mad because the flowers didn't show up, your husband will be stressed and frazzled because you are, you will have to "glad-hand" so much it won't be about you and your new DH it will be about Aunt Sally who has a shellfish allergy and has to be rushed to ER... you get the point. A wedding is a poor excuse for a party.

DON'T forgo a wedding if that's what you really want. You can't go back and do it again. Even if you do "do it again" like me :) This is it.

But, if I were you, having gone through what I did and done it two different ways, I'd get married, small ceremony, and have a nice party later for all of your friends. You'll be more relaxed and you'll have more fun. JMO.

Congratulations!!!!

Surprise Christmas Wedding?! Am I Crazy?!

Comments (9)

gellchom

sweet_pea10

Related Discussions

duckie

sweeby

joann23456

oilpainter

gellchom

oilpainter

silversword

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US