Another option is to ask all three friends to be co-maids of honor. It is quite common today to have more than one maid/matron of honor. Your maid/matron of honor is not obligated to have a shower and/or bachelorette party if she is unable to do so, either because of distance, finances, or other circumstances. Since you have friends who want to do these things for you, that will solve the problem for your one friend.

If you decide to make all of the ladies maids of honor, just divide up the duties. One can stand next to you during the ceremony, one can sign the marriage license, and one can give a toast for all three of them.

Your fiance does not need to have three best men. Your guests really won't care what the ladies' titles are and whether they walk with a groomsman.

Your situation with your friend could end your friendship depending on how you handle the situation. Obviously, she cares about you, enough to tell you exactly how she feels. You can act on what she says or tell her that you appreciate her concerns, but the two of you have worked through your problems. If you have not had pre-marital counseling, it would be a very good idea to have some, should there be issues that the two of you have not confronted.

Sweet Pea has given some excellent suggestions concerning the "logistics" of having the 3 bridesmaids be co-maids of honor.

She has given even more excellent suggestions in regard to your other friend, and also concerning pre-marital counseling. I hope that you will give serious consideration to her advice.

We had already spoke about counseling before he proposed... that's a definite. Thanks for the advice... I am definitely considering the co-maid of honor thing.

I am glad I found this forum. As for my friend... I wrote her an email (in response to one she sent me yesterday) and told her how I felt... without trying to be a b!tch. That comes easy for me... being nice doesn't... ha!

I'm sure I will be posting more questions on here until my wedding... April 16, 2005.

tata for now!

If you decide to choose a maid of honor, reassure her that the only real duty of a MOH is to stand up for the bride at the wedding and be a moral support. All the rest that we foist on the maid of honor - throwing parties, being a general servant, etc., isn't required.

Good luck.

I'm w/ joanne23456.

Not only do you not need a MOH, but your MOH does not need to go w/ you to all the dress fittings, do chores for you to get ready for the wedding, or pay for anything other than her dress and shoes (and transportation).

Surely one of those bridesmaids is grown up enough to understand that it's not an insult to be an "also close" friend of the bride, and would be happy to serve as MOH (w/o getting all self-centered and insulted about the perceived slight to *her*) to make your life easier.

If they wouldn't, maybe you need SEVERAL new friends.

The real "duty" of a MOH is to be a witness to your marriage and to sign the marriage documents...a legal chore ( but then if you are a lawyer you knew that).
I can understand your friend formerly known as MOH ( LOL!) to be somewhat hesitant to sign such a document and yto be witness to your vows if she doesn't think the marriage should take place.
Do the counselling before you sign any contracts for renting a hall or buying a dress. My daughter spent some years as pre wedding councellor....and you would be amazed at the couples that postponed their weddings to "work things through".
Good luck.
Linda C

There is no requirement that any legal document be signed by a maid of honor. In fact, at least in both the state I married in and in the state I live in now, there is no requirement of any signature other than the officiant's at all, let alone that it be by a maid of honor.

I did not have a MOH when I got married in October. There was no legal need for one in the state I live in.

In New Jersey, and Iowa it's the law that the document must be signed by 2 witnesses as well as the officiant....most usually the MOH and the best man....and of course in a Jewish ceremony the kituba must be signed by 2 witnesses as well as the officiant.
I didn't know it was different from state to state....
Linda C

In most states, two witnesses must sign the marriage license in addition to the officiant. However, any two people who attend the ceremony can sign; it doesn't have to be the MOH and BM, though it is tradition for them to sign. Some couples choose to have no wedding party and ask a parent or sibling who attends the wedding to sign as witnesses.

It's your wedding, have who you want. I agree with the other poster who said your friends should not be upset about being chosen "second." They don't even have to know why. Just say "she" cannot attend after all and I would like to ask you. It's not a lie, it's just no one's business. If she gets offended, then yes, consider making new friends.

When I got married we totally did it in an untraditional way. Like I said, it's MY wedding... I can do what I want. We just each had attendants, of both sexes, in both lines. One of my closest friends is male, should I exclude him from my wedding party? Of course not! So we each had both sexes in our wedding lines. We called the two signing our certificates "Attendants of Honor." We did not call any of them bridesmaids or groomsmen. Simply Attendants.

It's your wedding. Do what you want. If you don't want a MOH, don't have one.