I want to know how guests respond to such registries. An example would be gift cards to favorite furniture store.

If you don't need anything, then why register at all? Let people surprise you with things you may never have thought of, or don't anticipate you will ever need (but they may know better). If you don't like the gifts, you can sell, exchange, donate, or give them away. And many people will give checks.

Idea being that perhaps someone will take the hint and organize it, in which case, they'll get you a gift certificate.

Balancing a mortgage payment + wedding + honeymoon is a huge financial burden for any two people to carry. What my fiancee and I are ending up doing is setting up a registry for our honeymoon! I think that is the compromise of asking for just money verses asking our guests (if they choose to of course) to pitch into the honeymoon.

However, I do want to mention that in other cultures minus American, accepting money is a perfectly acceptable (and preferred) gift. This is such the case in traditional Chinese weddings. The U.S. being a melting pot of cultures, it sometimes shocks me that this custom is often shunned and treated as 'tacky'. Realistically, this can potentially work out better for the couple...and bottom line, I am all for making the couple happy in their new life together and any wishes they may have; it is their day.

What are the options?
One obvious one is group gifts. Set up a gift list with several expensive gifts you really want. Make sure everybody knows that they are only paying for a small share of it or you might really get them mad. This solution allows everybody to contribute the same amount they would have had they purchased the nice knife and instead you get money towards a nice vacation or maybe even a new flat screen.

The next one is to simply ask for cash. But the key is to do it the right way. One of the main challenges with cash is that the people giving it don't know how much to give and they don't want to spend too much and they don't want to appear cheap either. So the key is to tell them how much you want and ask everybody to contribute the same amount and explain what the money will be used for. If you just started a new family and you have a dream to buy a new home, explain that you are raising money for the down payment of your new home. As long as they know how much they need to contribute and that the money is used for something wisely, then most people would be more than happy to give cash.

In retrospect, wedding registries take away a lot of the pain of shopping for wedding gifts and finding gift ideas, but they don't solve the fundamental problem with this process, the fact that the gifts are not used. Grouping together towards a group gift or cash gift will get the couple something that is more likely on their real 'wishlist'.

It is unacceptable to accept money as a wedding gift in America? That is news to me. Cash is a common wedding gift here, and I don't know anyone that's ever turned it down or sent it back! In fact, many years ago I went to a wedding in New York (I'm from New England) and they didn't even have a gift table. I asked where it was and they looked at me like I had two heads, telling me people only give cash. I was pretty surprised, and had to hold onto the gift I brought. At one point the bride actually walked around collecting envelopes from people in a "money bag", a mythical thing I had only heard of and never seen.

At our wedding we received about 70% cash, 30% gifts (percentage by guests, not value).

I don't know anyone who has done an unconventional registry, but I've heard of vacation and furniture registries. A trick will be letting people know. Most people I know just look up Macy's, Williams-Sonoma, etc., looking for the registry. You can't put it in the invitation, after all.

"...tell them how much you want and ask everybody to contribute the same amount..."
Spam. And completely inappropriate.

gradea, there is nothing at all "unacceptable" or "tacky" about ACCEPTING gifts of cash.

What IS both unacceptable, in terms of etiquette, and tacky, in many if not most people's opinion, is ASKING for cash. And I think you know that -- I"m guessing that's why you can't quite bring yourself to write "ask for" instead of "accept." But that's the only way your post even makes sense -- who would refuse to accept a gift of cash? -- and I think that is really what you are talking about.

Flat-out asking for anything is unacceptable -- and that includes putting registry information into an invitation. Does it make you a little less likely to get your preferred gifts, cash or otherwise? Maybe -- well, too bad; gifts are voluntary in the first place, anyway. But anything else is (1) anticipating your guests' generosity, (2) directing how that generosity is to be expressed, (3) communicating that you connect wanting them to be at your wedding with the idea that they will give you a gift -- all of which are not only forbidden by etiquette, they are rude, and they make the couple look greedy.

Register for some items if you wish -- not honeymoons or mortgages or other things that really just boil down to offsetting your own cash expenses -- and don't distribute the information to anyone unless and until they ask. If you want cash, then let your families and close friends spread the word when people ask, and don't register many items; people will understand then that you don't need much and will be much more likely to give you cash.

You can rationalize it any way you want about mortgage payments, other cultures, etc. in your own mind, but you can't control what others will think, and a brief look at any forum like this one will show you that most people think it's awful. So if you send out registry cards or somehow "register" for cash or large group purchases like wisheo's terrible idea (or a honeymoon; sorry), believe me, whether or not you agree, and whether or not they tell you so, many of your guests are going to laugh at you or think you are tacky/or greedy. Is that what you want?

As what I can gather from other threads , you think it is wrong to deviate in any shape or form from conventional Western wedding. Reality is that things change and there are different cultures with different beliefs. Yes, some people (assuming they are not accustomed to a certain culture) will find it rude, but that is their problem....I guess they shouldn't have been invited.

The FACT, whether anyone believes it or not, is that it depends on the context of your situation.

Um, no.

(and actually, wedding gifts are NOT voluntary; every etiquette book says that wedding-invite recipients must give a gift. And if you ATTEND the wedding, it is extra rude not to give the bride & groom SOMETHING. But it should be something you can afford. There is a mutual fiction about wedding gifts; everyone pretends that the bride & groom are not expecting gifts. But if a guest doesn't give one, they've sent a really powerful message--one that says they are a "taker" and they are not interested in "giving" to people whose food they have eaten and whose emotional regard they have taken for granted)

I agree with her, and I couldn't afford not to agree -- as my husband is clergy at a big congregation, can you imagine how many invitations we get, including from people we barely know? We don't go to all of them, of course, and I'd go bankrupt buying all of them gifts. But I do buy a gift the same as any other guest if we do attend (or if we can't attend, but it's a friend and we would have gone if we could).

But now that I think of it, that is a special case, and maybe an exception could apply for "courtesy" invitations like that (think how many the president gets). It pretty much amounts to the same thing for "regular" invitations, because presumably you only get those from people you care about enough to want to attend if you can, so you'd send a gift anyway.

3. Send a gift.
If you are invited to the ceremony and/or reception, you should send a gift, whether you are attending or not. Generally, gifts are sent to the bride in advance of the wedding. In some localities, gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. If you hear from family that the couple would prefer a charitable donation—as in the case of an older couple or an encore wedding —please respect their wishes. If you receive an announcement after the wedding has taken place, you may send a gift if you wish, but you have no obligation to do so. It is nice to acknowledge the announcement with a card or a note expressing your best wishes.

The "rules" regarding wedding gifts are pretty passive/aggressive when you think about it.

That's a pity, I think. Not for the invitees -- I mean, even if that's the rule, as I wrote above, presumably they feel close enough to the couple or family to attend if they can and to WANT to give something anyway if they can't, rule or no rule. If not, they can simply send a very small gift or make a donation to charity in honor of the marriage. I presume Emily would count that as a gift.

So the thing I don't like about this rule is not that it changes anything for the invitees, but that it does so for the HOSTS. I wouldn't like to feel I was obligating anyone to give me (or my child) a gift just by inviting them.

And in any event, I beg for an exemption for those of us who get courtesy invites to zillions of events!

By the way, hearing that this is a rule at least in some etiquette references makes me think it is even MORE important not to include registry info in an invitation -- it would make it almost like an invoice. I want my invitations to be opened with pleasure, not dismay.

"If everyone who received and declined a wedding invitation were obliged to send a present, greedy couples would be blanketing society with invitations to people they hardly know.

"And come to think of it, some of them are.

"The recipient's basic obligation is to respond quickly."

"It used to be considered obligatory to send a gift, even though you could not attend the wedding. This is still true when the principals are friends whom you see from time to time, or who live nearby. In the days when that "rule" was made, people di d not move aroudn as they do today, and invitations were sent ONLY to those within a reasonable distance. Today people often send invitations to their entire list of acquaintances..., not thinking about the obligation they impose. So if you live in California and receive an invitation to a wedding in New Jersey from people ou haven't seen in ten years, don't send a gift. If you are customer, a client, or a patint of someone you meet only professionally, an dyou have never met the bride or groom, don't send a gift. ..
This does not mean that you should not send a gift to a bride whose family you will see in the near future, even though youa re at a distance when the wedding takes place. For example, the daughter of people you see every summer at your vacation home, who has grown up with your children, gets married in December. The fact that you are hundreds of miles away does not relieve you of th responsibility of sending a gift, if you receive an invitation to both wedding and reception. If you don't, you will surely receive a cool "reception" yourself when you meet next summer.

(italics hers, bold is mine)

Basically, if you are not close enough that you'd spontaneously buy them a gift, then they shouldn't be inviting you. If they invited you and you aren't close enough to ever consider going to the wedding, then you don't gift them a gift.

Brides are supposed to be keeping that obligation in mind, and are supposed to be keeping their guest lists conservative.

when i went to register, the lady at the store said register for twice as many gifts as guests, because everyone will buy you a wedding gift, and a shower gift. this simply isn't true. i'm not expecting anything from at least 1/3 of my guests i'm inviting. and i DID make gift gards available because sometimes you need to pick up a last minute gift and a gift card is the simplest thing. a bride and groom should not ASK for ANYTHING. wedding ettiquette says NOT to send information about your registries in the invitation. it's tacky, and seems like you expect a gift. the purpose of inviting people is because they mean something to you, and you want them at your wedding...not their gift. if they want to know where you are registered at, they will ask. they will call around, and your bridesmaids can start spredding the word. *on a side note, wedding ettiquette does say that you can send out registry info w/the shower invites, since it isn't generally the BRIDE doing her own shower.

if you're offended at the registry on a wedding invitation, something i have done before, is simply a card with well wishes, and nothing else. i agree that it is selfish to ask for gift cards from a certain store, and cash is unacceptable.

Did the lady at the store expect that spouses would send separate gifts? That every guest would be invited to a shower? That a family of 5 would send you ten gifts?

I wouldn't want a clerk that poor at math to make change for my purchase!

Good for you that you saw through that nonsense.

Cash Wedding Registries
http://www.cashweddinggift.com/
http://www.depositagift.com/

Honeymoon Registries
http://www.honeymoonwishes.com/
http://www.sendusoff.com/