If she can't be at the wedding ceremony then she is not the Maid of Honor. The Maid of Honor attends the wedding and acts as a witness. Those are her only mandatory duties. Bachelorette parties, brunches, etc. are not mandatory. Many would say showers are not mandatory, but where I am (New England) they basically are for the first weddings (the bride's attendants are basically expected to host some type of shower). You say "couldn't be" at the wedding...past tense. Did this wedding already take place? Bridal showers occur before weddings, not after. So, to answer the question. She has no responsibilities. Her only mandatory responsibility was to attend the ceremony.

Congratulations to you! For two reasons, I would not call this party a "reception": (1) the party is much too far after the wedding -- closer to the first anniversary -- and (2) although it was a very small wedding, it wasn't an elopement or a City Hall ceremony with no celebration or guests at all. I would just call it a party in their honor. I would omit any reference to the wedding at all, so as to avoid any appearance of the party being an attempt to get gifts, as if the couple wanted an exotic private wedding at the time, but now feel they missed out on gifts. Of course, people who didn't already send a wedding gift probably will bring them one anyway, but you don't want it to look like you are prompting them. Everyone you are inviting will understand that the party is in honor of their marriage, because you will only (I assume) be inviting people who are close enough that they know that the couple were recently married, and that's why you are doing it. You wrote "food will be served," but I don't know if that means a casual barbecue in your yard, a picnic lunch at the park, a tea dance at a country club, a brunch, snacks, or what. The games make it sound casual, but you also mentioned music and dancing. Once you decide on your plans, that of course will affect the text of your invitation. If it will be a casual evening barbecue in your yard, for example, you might word the invitation like this: Please join us for a cookout, dancing, and swimming in honor of [couple's names, including last name(s)] Sunday, June 34th 5:00 p.m. at our home 123 Sesame Street R.s.v.p. 555-5555 [or email@email.com, or omit if you are including a response card or trust your friends to respond without prompting!] Or, you could leave out "and swimming" and add "Bring your bathing suits for a swim" at the end, depending on what you want to emphasize as the tone of your party. It's not necessary to mention that games will be available. I don't think you need to specify attire, unless you want it black tie, which doesn't sound likely. If you feel you must, IMHO it is better to stick to "casual" or "dressy" or something rather than anything confusing like "festive attire." But I don't think you need to say anything: the style, color, and font of the invitation will get the message to your guests. (We went to 3 weddings this month. One invitation said "black tie optional," one said "cocktail attire," and one said nothing, but it was a rather formal looking invitation to a Saturday night wedding with dinner and dancing. The guests' attire was the same at all three of them! Well, no tuxedos at the last two, but the women at all of them wore dressy evening outfits, some long, some short, some pants.) Have fun.

Well, you're never wrong to feel whatever you feel, but honestly not only do I not think that they are "screwing you over," I think the bride was extremely tactful when you raised the issue. Only people named on an invitation are invited. Period. If I am correct in understanding that you haven't received the actual invitation yet, then I think you have to apply the same principle to the save the date card. I don't like to see "adults only" on an invitation -- it is superfluous if the invitation is addressed only the adults -- and it certainly isn't required. But did the save the date card have your child's name on it, too? Did it say "The Whitney Family" or something? In that case, they are wrong not to invite her; if you send a save the date card to someone (even someone who can't read it herself!), then you must invite them. If circumstances change -- say, there has been a death, illness, or bankruptcy -- and now what was going to be a big wedding is just going to be very small, you contact everyone you asked dto save the date and apologize. But otherwise, no. But if the save the date was addressed only to you and your husband, technically you are the one who is doing the etiquette no-no, by asking if you can bring an uninvited guest. Perhaps a nursing newborn (even if a 17-month-old is still nursing, she is presumably also eating other foods and won't starve for the few hours of a wedding) or an attendant for an invalid, but otherwise no. However, I don't think it is a terrible thing to ask, provided you do it in a way that absolutely doesn't make them feel bad if they say no and that you are gracious if they do. (Not just to their faces; you don't go around criticizing them, much less telling people they screwed you over.) And that's what you did, and they politely told you no. I am with the others: I would either leave her home with a sitter (but you say that's not an option for you) or have a sitter for the wedding itself -- you could probably bring her to other more casual events of the weekend. That is what most people do. I would ask your friends to help you line up a sitter they know and trust. We did that for our out of town guests who came with little ones to our son's wedding. The bride and groom ultimately decided to have the out of town children (little cousins) at the reception, but I kept the sitter "on call" in case they got sleepy or their parents wanted a break! I'm sure the parents felt more comfortable with a sitter I knew than a stranger. I'm glad my son and daughter-in-law did it that way. But couples who choose an adults-only wedding and reception are not being rude. Not all parties are appropriate for children. If they want a formal, cocktail-y atmosphere, which let's face it isn't exactly enhanced by the presence of toddlers, that's their privilege. And certainly if they have told others that they cannot bring their children, obviously they can't tell you otherwise. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear. You didn't do anything wrong, so long as you don't badmouth your friends. And perhaps it will help you to feel better about your friends if you realize that they weren't being rude to you after all.

First of all ~ Congratulations on your up coming wedding! This is the only time (usually) in your life when this event is truly about you and your fiance - PLEASE, enjoy your ride!! It's only the first time once!! I too am having a destination wedding so I can totally understand your concerns with trying to acommodate everyone. I must warn you, when asking for opinions on this forum, you may not always like what you hear! I joined another forum - bestdestinationweddings.com - because they were more understanding and a lot more positive than many on this forum because everyone there IS having a destination wedding and can appreciate it! With that being said, we too had to invite a lot of people. Actually, what is now happening is that people I didn't think to invite are coming out of the woodwork and want to attend and that is awesome! What I did was a form letter on parchment paper and envelopes. I did a little "Save the date for the wedding of..." on the top third of the letter. On the rest of the letter I put "it is with much excitement and anticipation that we extend this invitation to you and your family. On (date) we will be exchanging vows at/on (the love boat - wherever). I did a short blurb of where and when it would be, a short blurb about which travel agency was handling reservations and gave a contact name and number there, a little short blurb about the hotel and 7 & 4 day all inclusive prices, two sentences about passports, one sentence about our wedding website and a closing sentence that said something like we hope you can make it, let us be the excuse you finally take a much needed vacation, etc. ~ and of course we signed the letters! I did attach a copy of the hotel's fact sheet and a color picture of the hotel (I took it off of the website - it had a PDF fact sheet) Based on the feedback, the attachment REALLY was a nice thing to do and by including the prices it gave a lot of people a dollar amount to associate what they were getting for their money. It wasn't a sales pitch, it just gave people an idea of what it would cost. Our wedding isn't until next November, but I sent the information out last month. For most working class folks with kids, we have to plan our finances accordingly and took that into consideration when sending out the letters so far in advance. Good luck and don't let the negative posts on this forum get you down.