Thanks

Spend what you think will be an appropriate amount considering your income, relationship to the couple, and any other factors that are of importance to you. I am sure that they will appreciate whatever you decide to give them.

By the way, we got a lot of cash (from peers and non-peers), and it was totally appropriate because culturally that is the ideal gift in our circle (I am Asian). I don't think anyone would be offended by a gift of cash. Same with anything else.

People can make money the old fashioned way--either printing it, or working for it. Personal gifts that last a lifetime--priceless.

Having had two of our children get married in the last 18 months, I think I can safely say that this seems to be standard in this area, although the range definitely varies according to the income level of the giver. We live in the west midwest -- an area that most people would consider more rural -- definitely not urban or metropolitan.

Lots of people really like getting money - and even count on it to help pay for the honeymoon. Personally my favorites were the gifts that people picked out themselves, then the gifts from the registry, then the cash.

I think it is regional, mainly. My understanding is that in the Northeast, cash is the most common gift and larger amounts are common - in keeping with the higher cost of weddings, I guess.

I stood up in a wedding in May for a friend from high school and gave the couple $100, spent $100 on a gift, $200 on the dress and accessories, etc. Even though I knew other people were giving more, it was all I could afford. Besides, I had paid for many other things and put time into helping her with the shower and ceremony.

Yes, from Middle Tennessee too, at that. We were married in TN and received only one cash gift with the apology that the giver had no time to get out and shop due to an illness. We received wonderful, meaningful gifts, including heirloom silver, china from our registry, linens, crystal, all items we will always cherish, and things we would have been unlikely to purchase for ourselves. We have a lifetime of memories ahead. As for cash, we both work for it.

Nice to see another Tennessean on the forum. I enjoyed seeing your web page last year.

Personally, I find it useful to have learned, courtesy of this forum, that if I am invited to a wedding in the southern US, I should probably send a "thing" gift, not a cash gift, but in the northeast, cash might be more appreciated, and certainly I could send cash without wondering if it would seem impersonal.

Think of it like driving on the left or the right side of the road. Neither is intrinsically "right" or "wrong" -- it's purely a matter of local convention. But arbitrary though it may be, in the US, it is wrong to drive on the left, and in the UK, it's wrong to drive on the right. No amount of arguing "but that's how it's done where I live!" is going to change that.

So when sending a gift, as when driving, it's just a matter of knowing the local convention.

However, when someone says "As for cash, we both work for it", a message is being sent. And the message is *not* a message of recognition of varying customs.

I tend to "do as the Romans do", depending on where I am, but that goes hand in hand with understanding that some of the people I know may give gifts that I wouldn't think of giving myself, but that doesn't make those gifts any less thoughtful or even remotely tacky. I just thought some good advice would be to not judge any gifts or gift givers.

I do appreciate learning about other cultures and regions of the world - but, it is a two-way street. I hope that people don't judge what is given to them, because most people give gifts that they think will be helpful and well-received. I don't know anyone who gives a gift to be tacky, rude or impersonal. So, I just ask that people be considerate of the gift-givers and understand that they are trying to be nice. And, most likely they don't know that they could be insulting the recipiant - they are probably just doing what is appropriate for their region, family, or culture - or perhaps they got some advice from someone who they considered an "expert" for the recipiants' age group, region, culture, etc. There are even sub-sections of different regions and cultures that do things differently.

I am Chinese-American, and our wedding/marriage customs are vastly different from other Asian-Americans, but some people lump us together and think that the traditions are the same. I am not offended by this - I just try to sympathize with the person and help them if they ask or seem curious.

My BIL and his girlfriend, who are doing the "nearly starving artists in NYC" thing, really resented the pressure BIL got from his mom about how much to give the cousin whose wedding BIL was in. They gave what they could and the groom was touched (he's a nice guy,t hat cousin).

and BIL and GF did NOT attend another wedding, because they couldn't afford to give that amount.

DH and I *sort* of resent it. We can't REALLY resent it, because we RECEIVED a lot of cash. But we resist the pressure (or at least I resist it) to give the high end. We may be more established now, but we still don't have that much money.

And I'd love it if everyone in our families would just scale way down!

Anyway, I think you give what you can afford and you give from your heart and forget what everyone else thinks and says. Heck, people are gonna talk no matter what you do, so do what feels right to you.

There was a story in today's Newsday--I couldn't find it online to link to it--about monetary gifts. The author quoted a survey done by TheKnot.com, in which 45 percent of couples say money is their gift of choice; 66 percent say $50 to $100 would be a"aceptable" and 15 percent said more than $100.

It's such a variable thing, depending on your own age, perceived income, relationship to the recipient, etc.

All us brides were VERY careful never to tell anyone, not even our own moms or MILS, how much money people gave us. (sometimes that info gets out somehow, but when I was in the "brides" generation, we compared notes about how careful we were never to divulge that even if someone's mom DID ask--and some did). So you can't blame this on the BRIDES.

That's part of my point.

The AUNTS have their ideas of how people in their circle should give.

And it is funny to give gifts of cash to someone who's going to give you a gift of cash soon.

And it's weird to go buy my MIL a present and then have her give me cash--like she bought herself a present. (I have many, many of her cash gifts to me under a false bottom in my dresser--I haven't even spent them yet!)

She got really mad when I asked why she was concerned about whether the gift TO HER covered the cost since her dad shelled out the whole $40K for the wedding. I'm such a bittch.

When I lived in northeast Ohio, everyone I knew gave money for weddings and gifts for showers. Just the amounts were a bit lower.

I do tend to give gifts to very good friends. I like original art glass, so that's often my gift.

As others have said, people generally buy from the registry for the shower, though many do so for the wedding, too.

When I moved to Boston 20+ years ago, I was shocked at the amount that people spent on showers, as a poster above noted. I'd bring a roasting pan, and they'd bring matched sets of Waterford, several place settings, etc.

"beware the fury of a patient man"

There really isn't anyone here who needs the lecture.

As for how much to give/spend... you give what you can afford. Period. End of discussion. This is true whether it's $500 or simply $5. You don't put your immediate family at bay to spend more than you can afford on anyone's gift for any occasion.

Sure, weddings can be fun, but buying gifts for your best friends can be an expensive endeavor. Now that wedding season is upon us and the invitations are rolling in, you're probably wondering how you can afford to get your friends something nice without racking up big credit-card bills or worrying that you might look like a cheapskate when you give them a present that's actually in your price range.

Well, we here at The Wedding Envelope.com have devised a formula based on several important variables, such as the overall cost of a wedding based on on it's location as well as the total average cost to you, the guest, taking the guesswork out of how much you should be giving for that special occasion.

Here is a link that might be useful: TheWeddingEnvelope.com

What a bizarre site. It asks you a series of questions (some really odd; like, you can choose as relationship "parent of friend," but not "relative"); it asks what type of music will be at the wedding; etc. Then it suggests a dollar amount.

I think it is part of one of those charming sites that is a cash "registry." I wonder how much this one skims off the top ....

I guess that site is following along with the people who believe a wedding gift is supposed to "pay for the cost of the dinner."

Overall, though, I'd say $100 cash is sufficient. I did not know that cash was considered tacky by some. It's interesting to see the different regional customs.

These people are "worth" this much and those people are "worth" that much. Ugh.

And "etiquette" has nothing to do with giving a certain amount of cash because there is a meal. Yikes, what happened to the concept of a *guest*?