VERY Small Wedding
marie26
18 years ago
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sweet_pea10
18 years agoduckie
18 years agoRelated Discussions
Etiquette: Do I have to invite him?
Comments (2)The etiquette rule is that you must invite spouses and fiances. I believe Miss Manners, at least, expands that to people living together and those who always socialize as a couple -- not just one's current boy/girlfriend, but some sort of permanent relationship. So you may be right on the line here with this couple, as you say they have been "together" for a number of years. In my opinion, though, with only 20 guests, you could get away with it. The thing is, does having a rule on your side, or not, really help all that much? It seems to me that your problem, if any, is your friend's feelings -- no rule in the world can solve that. Will she feel that you are disrespecting her relationship? Will she be hurt some other way? Can you have a loving conversation with her before the invitations go out? I would NOT focus on your dislike of the boyfriend, or any rotten things he's done (that will force her to defend him, and for sure it will make her uncomfortable). Nor would I cite any rules of etiquette -- how could she help but think, "Some friend -- she cares more about some silly rule than about my feelings"? Rather, just stress the very small size of the wedding. Something like, "Petunia, I need your help with a problem I have with the wedding. We really need to keep it to only twenty, so I'm afraid that we can't invite anyone's boyfriends or girlfriends, even Adolph. Even my brothers and sisters are coming alone. I just needed to make sure that you and Adolph understand that it isn't that we don't respect your relationship with Adolph; it's just that I can't see any way of inviting him without letting everyone else bring their boyfriends and girlfriends. I know that your relationship is a lot more serious than any of theirs, but they'll never understand that, they'll just be mad at me if I tell them "no dates" and then they see Adolph there. The four of us will be sure to do something together after we get back from the honeymoon, okay?" Does that feel like something you could do?...See Moresmall wedding dilemma
Comments (9)I vote for the post wedding gala. You can go as fancy as you want, and it may give you, your daughter and SIL a chance to invite a lot of people to meet the young couple. It could be as simple as an open house on a weekend afternoon, or a garden party, or even as casual as a BBQ in the yard if the weather is nice in your area in the fall. Some people will bring gifts if you call it a reception. But this kind of party is so very common with weddings that were kept small or weddings that occurred at a great distance that no one should feel slighted. Our daughter was engaged to (and later married) a young man from the deep south, and so they were feted at a Christmas week engagement party scheduled so that his friends home for the holidays could also attend. In this small college town, a large group of adults/parents tend to co host the engagement parties, and the traditional and only gift to the couple is toasting goblets for their wedding day. In my daughter's case, I believe 13 couples co-hosted the gala that was held in the university president's home that was beautifully decorated for the holidays. The couples are friends and just put one on for anyone in their circle when the occasion calls for it. It was nice because my daughter had not met any of their hometown friends. I had not heard of engagement parties being given in our area, but I think it is a lovely idea, especially when one of the couple did not grow up in the community. It seems like most anything goes these days, but I would be concerned with having a party for people who are not invited to the wedding prior to the wedding....See MoreVery Small Wedding was beautiful
Comments (3)hooray, hooray! Best wishes to the couple, and cheers for you. It sounds like a really lovely, lovely evening. So relaxing, and such a truly "social" event. Poor little kid--she'll hate that video when she's older. But my theory is, you've got to have SOMETHING go wrong, if only so you have a good story to tell. Your DD and DSIL have a nice one, now. W/ the added benefit that it'll embarrass their daughter, which can be useful sometimes, LOL!...See MoreEtiquette Question
Comments (9)Is it normal? Certainly not typical. I can sort of understand where he's coming from, but I think he's very mistaken in his perceptions of how his Ex will feel. Unless relations are very friendly, the wedding is large, and the Ex needs to bring the children, I can't imagine how an Ex would expect to be invited. Would I be happy about it? No. But I would trust him to deal with is Ex, and would just request that he word the invitation in such a way as to give her the option of a graceful refusal if she thinks an invitation is as wacky as you (and I) do. There are ways of issuing invitations that could make it clear that the invitation was issued out of courtesy and grace only, and that the recipient isn't really expected to attend. Something along the lines of "We certainly wouldn't want to insult you, so you're welcome to attend if you'd like to be there, and we'll mail you an invitation. It'll be a very small wedding - only 20 people or so - but DD might be more comfortable if you were there." Would I try to talk him out of it? I'd try to talk him into reconsidering, and if he wants to invite her, into modifying his wording....See Moremary_md7
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