No one here will be able to find my registry at BB&B, as I registered under Kevin's name, and I'm pretty sure that no one here knows our last name. I decided to change the party invitation to say "Open House", which I think is not the same as "House Warming", and certainly does not have the connotations of gifts. So it's simply an "open house" party to orient my friends to where we live now, and it will be very casual. I've been very sick for the past three days with the flu and did not go to work on Tuesday and Wednesday. I had to go in Thursday morning for a half day, but did not have the strength to go today. I had thought about canceling the party altogether, but Kevin had already invited friends from where he works. I had no idea that BB&B had a separate website for California!! It is a very popular store here, and we've already bought a lot of stuff there, including our new stainless steel garbage can for the kitchen. We had to get a nice one because it's in a prominent area of the kitchen and visible from both the living room and dining room. For those of you unable to attend, Kevin will create a video that he will post on YouTube. As for comparing the cost of a wedding to the cost of a housewarming party - what about the expense of just getting into the house? And it is my first house. Suzie, I hope you do have a nice housewarming party, and I was in the same situation as you - I didn't think of having the party until people asked me when I was going to have it. As you can probably tell, I like to be accommodating to my friends, although at first I really didn't want to have the party, since it will take quite a bit of effort to get everything ready in time. However, Kevin said his friends were really anxious to see the house, and so I agreed to have it. I won't cancel the registry, but will keep it very private and only share it with those who ask for it. Some people are gift challenged and appreciate getting help. I do feel better now that I have sent the invitations as I did for the Open House and no mention of a registry. It didn't seem right to me from the beginning, but I really have no experience with this, since I've never been invited to a housewarming party and don't know what is expected or not expected. That's why I had to ask. It didn't seem right to me either when I was told that I should register, but having had no experience, I had nothing else to go on than what my friends here had told me. I think I'm on track now - thanks for all the help! Lars

I would encourage all of you who are storing your sterling and china to get it out and use it! Put it in the dishwasher! I don't care what the gurus say. I'd much rather use it and enjoy it and let it get a little worn than to let it sit in a box. I use less soap and the delicate cycle. I don't mix sterling with other metals. I hand wash all knives because they can get water in the handle and come apart, but I wash my cooking knives by hand so it's not hard to add some table knives. Otherwise, I don't take any special care. If you use your sterling every day, you won't have to polish it very often. Growing up, we ate every meal with sterling silver because that's all we had. My mother had received the sterling as a wedding present. We couldn't afford to buy a set of stainless steel. That silver is still beautiful and in use today. Dedtired, you are right that the antique pieces are heavier than the newer pieces. That's such a shame, isn't it? Chisue, almost all sterling non-butter knives have stainless blades. I've tried to show the kids that it's not that much trouble to use nice tableware. It's not something they are really interested in, but I hope I'm planting seeds that will sprout someday!

Just to follow up with the end of the story, our wedding was perfect and we're still in post-wedding bliss. We knew that having a small wedding with family only was important, but what we didn't realize was that because the wedding was so small (and maybe because the wine was so good?) the 2 families really came together and had many long and interesting conversations, really getting to know each other. Since they'd never met, we really didn't have any expectations of how well they'd mingle. As it turned out, they all got along famously. Some of the in-town relatives had so much fun that they decided to join us again at the breakfast for out-of-town relatives the morning after the wedding. On the subject of gifts, only a couple people attending the wedding asked us if we were registered anywhere. I told them we didn't really want gifts, but if they wanted to give a donation in our name to their favorite charity then that would be welcome. They ended up donating at one of our online charities. The other guests didn't ask, but gave gift certificates to online stores. One couple gave a nice cookbook. After the wedding, we had a month to prepare for our west coast celebration which was held on our back patio. We'd spent months fixing up our yard, planting over 200 plants and installing a fountain (a great Craig's List find). I did all the cooking myself, and we hired a bartender. It was a blast! The party was about twice as large as the wedding (60 vs 30 people) and the guests from different areas of our lives didn't mingle quite as well as our families did, but everyone seemed to have had a good time. Gifts ran the gamut. A couple of my friends asked if we'd registered anywhere and we gave them our standard line. One group of friends got together and bought a beautiful bench for our patio. Some gave gift cards. Only a few didn't give anything. Most brought a bottle of wine or champagne. Some that couldn't attend contributed to their favorite charity. One of the most meaningful gifts was a homemade card that my friend created from one of our favorite wedding photos that I'd posted on my Facebook page. She'd had it printed and then wrote a beautiful message on the card. I had read on other wedding sites about how difficult it is for brides to opt out of the whole gift registry hoopla, but I didn't find that to be a problem at all. Perhaps because this is a second marriage and because we're older. As it turned out, I'm glad we didn't register anywhere and that gifts weren't a focus of the wedding.

Joann, i think the main things are it shouldnt be advertised, especially not an insert included with wedding announcement or invitation!! That sounds like 'you are hereby cordially invited to provide us with a gift from Macy's'!! I feel that our society has gotten so greedy and it used to be that you gave a nice gift period, then registries came along but people were reserved about using them, now alot of people it's like they expect to get lots of expensive stuff. I didnt mean to say brides are princesses, i was referring to someone who was wealthy and already had whatever they would need. When i was invited to their wedding, they included an announcement about where to buy their gifts. I was a single mom, and not knowing any better, felt pressured to go run around and spend money on something, while not even having money for some basics myself!! ALso with multiple showers, i think at some point, isnt the honoree responsible to say in good taste 'gosh, thanks soo much, but I already have had one (or two) showers, and just wouldnt feel right about continuing to have showers. I appreciate the offer, though" because while the idea that one can GO to more than one shower for the bride but not bring gifts, well, I suppose ou could..the ones I went to there was always that inference to bring something. If your a millionaire, fine. Having veyr limited finances myself, i felt this put me in a awkward position of either not going, or going empty handed