When I worked weddings back in the 80s most weddings averaged around 150-200 guests. It was a moderately-priced venue - you could do fancy but most people stuck to the basics (stuffed chicken!). Family-style meals were also common (and probably the least expensive option I think). We didn't do buffets for weddings. There were weddings in the 200s but over 300 was extremely rare. Anything larger couldn't fit in our building so that's why we didn't see the really big ones. There could have been plenty of those big weddings at other venues for all I know but I doubt it

You write, “I have not asked her anything. We discussed aspects of things of this nature years ago and for the most part she agreed at the time. Maybe she still does? Maybe she changed? Maybe she never really meant it? I don't know. But I have said nothing to her about this since she brought up being a bridesmaid months ago.” i am confused. This is so important to you, but when she told you about being a bridesmaid, you said nothing. Months passed and you said nothing. The wedding is tomorrow, and you’ve still said nothing. Nor have you confirmed what you hoped she feels about this. What‘s the plan here? Just let her think everything’s fine, and then she comes home from the wedding to find you gone for good, with no warning? This sounds like a pretty sneaky test. It’s one thing to ask that she make sacrifices for your feelings. It’s quite another to require that she read your mind as well. You talk about a “clear” line -- how clear can it be to her if you haven’t said a word? It is baffling that in all these months you never told her how you felt, how important this is to you, that you really don’t want her to be in this wedding. Even if you tell her now, with just hours to go before the wedding, you are putting her in an impossible spot. You never just asked for what you want and need. You never gave her a chance to succeed. That’s what loving spouses do. Which terrible outcome are you hoping for? That she will read your mind (or listen to an eleventh-hour ultimatum — because that’s exactly what it would be) and back out of the wedding, which will make everyone she knows think forever that you are a world-class controlling jerk? Or that you will have an excuse to walk out? Those are the only two outcomes you have set up. I strongly encourage you to consider a third: accept that your wife is going to be in the wedding and attend graciously without complaint as her escort. If you don’t think you could pull that off, then plead illness and stay home — a very rude thing to do, but much better than spoiling someone's wedding. Next time, you can talk it over first, and maybe get a pleasant surprise. It wouldn‘t mean your feelings and opinions are wrong at all. It’s just being a loving and caring grownup spouse, and playing fair.

When I remarried, I walked myself down the aisle. I also liked the idea of the wording of "support" rather than giving. We did something along those lines. sunshine4376 - Both lines were mixed as far as my line was not all female and the other line was not all male. I wanted my son standing up in my line and that is exactly where he stood, on my side. So just because you're dealing with sons does not mean they can't be attendants on your side. We did not use the terms bridesmaids or groomsmen. We used attendants and "Attendant of Honor" for both lines. We used children as young as 7 as ushers. They can handle the responsibility and they feel so grown up. My son (16 at the time) was the head usher as well as in my attendant line. Then we had (2) seven year-old ushers. They did very well and my 16 year-old directed them appropriately. We had 2 ring bearer's. We each had a 4 year-old little boy in our respective families and so we each put them in the wedding. There's no we could leave one of those precious little guys out. It's your wedding ... do what you want and what makes you happy.

It's your wedding, have who you want. I agree with the other poster who said your friends should not be upset about being chosen "second." They don't even have to know why. Just say "she" cannot attend after all and I would like to ask you. It's not a lie, it's just no one's business. If she gets offended, then yes, consider making new friends. When I got married we totally did it in an untraditional way. Like I said, it's MY wedding... I can do what I want. We just each had attendants, of both sexes, in both lines. One of my closest friends is male, should I exclude him from my wedding party? Of course not! So we each had both sexes in our wedding lines. We called the two signing our certificates "Attendants of Honor." We did not call any of them bridesmaids or groomsmen. Simply Attendants. It's your wedding. Do what you want. If you don't want a MOH, don't have one.