Return to the Wedding Forum | Post a Follow-Up

 o
Wedding invitation - need guidance please

Posted by LAS23 (My Page) on
Sun, Jun 6, 04 at 8:52

I am in the stage in my wedding plans where I need to think about invitations. I have a cousin that was married for many years and has children. She has been divorced from her husband for over 15 years and has been living with a woman whom we always have known as her best friend (even when she was married). They have been living together, own a home together, do everything together etc. I am quite certain they are gay. I have no issue there, in fact we love her friend as family. They never discuss what their situation truely is. I think they prefer it to be unspoken or perhaps for us to think they are just friends. I would like them both to come to our wedding. My question - how do I address the invitation(s)? Do I send one to my cousin and "guest", or one to my cousin and "friend's formal name", or two separate invitations? I am not sure how to handle this unusual situation. I am grateful for any help.
Thanks!


Follow-Up Postings:

 o
RE: Wedding invitation - need guidance please

I don't know what the formal etiquette rules say, but I would send the invitation to your cousin and "friend's formal name". Since they are clearly an item, two separate invitations (to the same address) seems odd - and inviting "and guest" might feel like a slight to her. "Ms. Jane Doe and Ms. Anne Johnson" seems most appropriate to me.


 o
RE: Wedding invitation - need guidance please

We sent a few seperate invites to the same address, where adult children still lived with mom and dad, and the children were also invited, along with their dates.
I would either send one invite with both names on the outer envelope, or a seperate invite to each lady.
Penny


 o
RE: Wedding invitation - need guidance please

Clearly they are an item, so why not save yourself a stamp and send one. If you put "and guest" she will probably come anyway so why not make it official?
Good luck


 o
RE: Wedding invitation - need guidance please

Liltingbelle has it exactly right. The fact that they are both women is irrelevant for your purpose, so you do the same as if they were one man and one woman not officially married but living together as a permanent couple. "And guest" and even two separate invitations would seem like you are refusing to acknowledge them as a social unit or, worse, making a judgment. Follow your first instinct and send them one invitation, addressed to Ms. Jane Doe and Ms. Mary Smith.


 o
RE: Wedding invitation - need guidance please

From an etiquette perspective, each should receive her own invitation, just as any unmarried couple living together should each receive their own invitation and adult children living with parents receive their own.


 o
RE: Wedding invitation - need guidance please

Miss Manners, my favorite etiquette maven, would disagree about unmarried couples who live together. She suggests one invitation addressed to both people, much as one would send to a married couple with different last names.


 o
RE: Wedding invitation - need guidance please

Thank you for all the feedback. I think the issue in this situation is that I believe they would rather us think they are housemates and nothing more. What their true situation is remains 'unspoken' so it really is not clear that they are couple (just assumed by nosey relatives!). I am am leaning towards sending each a separate invitation as Sweet Pea said. Thanks again for the advise - I really appreciate it!


 o
RE: Wedding invitation - need guidance please

You know them; we don't. If you think they prefer to be thought of as a social unit, send one invitation to both names. If not, send each a separate invitation (it sounds like this is the situation). But in either case use her name, never "and guest."


 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!


Return to the Wedding Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.


Learn more about in-text links on this page here