I honestly don't know anything about what would be an appropriate gift in Boston. In fact, as far as Houston (where I've lived my whole life), AFIK there's no "custom" gift. Not that I'm up on all that stuff!! The thing is, I give what I feel comfortable giving rather than trying to figure out what the couple expects or what the local tradition might be. If money is the custom there, they'll already be getting a lot of checks. Why not make your gift one of the few personal items that stand out and get remembered? I have a few quotes below from a very wise person who frequents this forum. See if you can figure out who said all this: When I got married, I did not have enough experience to know what would REALLY come in handy as my family and entertaining needs grew. Even then, I could see the difference between the gifts our peers gave us -- "unique," fun, or short-term stuff (e.g., a bed tray and a subscription to a book review) -- and the things the "grown-ups" got us: serving pieces, carving board, tablecloths, dishes, flatware, etc. We liked and appreciated all of it, but I could see the older generation had the better idea, and theirs are the gifts I am still gratefully using almost 26 years later. Registries tell me colors, styles, etc. I often give a silverplate water pitcher (there's an example of something you don't know you'll need but never have enough of, if you entertain). I look at the couple's registry to decide whether to choose a very simple or more ornate style. Not many young couples need giant serving platters or dishes, flatware, and crystal for 12 or 18. But years later, when they start to take their turn hosting holiday meals and family get-togethers -- for a family that will probably be getting larger -- they are going to need all that stuff -- at least many people do. Twenty-six years ago, I never imagined serving 29 people dinner in my home. But that is what we are doing tomorrow! So even though at the time it seemed like we would never use all the platters, bowls, and pitchers, I have used every one of them many times over the years. The nicest bonus is that every time I use the "boring" items, even all these years later, I think fondly of the person who gave it to me. That is a very lovely experience you don't get if all you get is cash or things you registered for yourself. My favorite gift was a big, fancy silver plate platter from my great aunt. She had received it as a wedding gift when she married into our family in the 1950s. I certainly didn't have occasion to use it much in the early years of our marriage, but I use it all the time now, and I think of her every time I see it. This is probably more a matter of local and ethnic custom than anything else. In many communities the northeast, for example, it seems that cash gifts are so customary that "thing" gifts are unusual (for wedding gifts \-\- these people also often give very large "thing" gifts for engagements and showers). But several posters who live in the south have reported that in their communities cash gifts are considered impersonal to the point of being a no\-no. Both are common here. I prefer to give a "thing" gift, but that's just my preference.

if you weren't invited to the shower, you don't need to give them a shower gift. If you DID go to a shower, you would give both, as you know. If you wish you had been invited to the shower, you *could* give them a shower gift, but I wonder if that might make them feel bad for not inviting you--in which case, don't label it a shower gift. But the wedding gift alone is just fine--and I bet they'll like it, LOL! it'll certainly fit w/ their decorating scheme.

Three weddings this year, one was a reschedule from last year. First was a sugar/creamer set they wanted, around 30 bucks. Second was around 150 worth of components that I built into some of the couples wedding jewelry and 30 for their cake knife/server set. Third was under 50 to make a gallon of antipasta pickles and a quart of pickled mushrooms for the potluck along with being the de facto party coordinator as the various folks showed up and met each other- and I got to have my mom visit for a couple weeks while the happy couple was on their honeymoon. All of us are close and most of us are already fairly well settled into our lives before dedicing to throw a wedding, so it's usually less about price tags and much more about celebrating the union. It can be common to see some envelopes, some purchaced gifts, a few thrift shop finds, and some home made gifts like jewelry, clothing, household linens, food, alcohol, art, and other creations in the mix. Sometimes gifts are less fiscal tangable, like sitting while the couple is gone or being chaos wrangler for the wedding, or party runner, those sorts of things.

@Rho Dodendron we would buy her a ticket to fly out for their anniversary but I would still be missing. I can't take any vacation time a week before Christmas. I work retail. It's blackout month for vacation. When my parents had their 60th Anniversary, they celebrated it during the summer before. They hosted a huge party at their home. My children and I attended. Some of my sisters kids came (she has a LOT of kids) as did she. All my sisters were there, actually. They wanted to do the same this past summer for their 70th, but my nephew got married the same weekend and nobody could afford two trips to the west coast, so the wedding for my nephew took precedence. I do like some of the ideas above and will pass them on to my sisters. Thank you all for your ideas!