Here in Boston, where I live, $100 more or less would be appropriate.

I judge more on my relationship to the bride and groom. I would give a casual aquaintance less than a friend who I'm closer to or a family member.

Andrea :o)

In my area and circle of family/friends, $50 is a nice wedding gift. Anything more than that would require either a close personal/familial relationship with the B&G, or a rather wealthy guest!

At the time I married (13 years ago), in my family a $50 gift was considered very generous. Parents usually gave about $75.

My fiance came to my sister's wedding, and wanted to give her $150. I talked him down to $75, because I knew she would just be really uncomfortable receiving that much--my poor sis! My fiance felt REALLY uncomfortable including so little cash, and when my sis opened it, and everyone could see the dollar amount (there's an "open the presents in front of everybody so we can all ooh and ahh" tradition, too), the whole room got all uncomfortable. Usually, gifts are things, not money, and the value isn't that obvious.

This is still pretty much true, though I personally don't give less than $100 to most of my family--distant cousins might be $75, but not if I go to the actual wedding. Then I give $100.

In my in-laws' family (European roots w/ the idea that a wedding gift is to set the newlyweds up for the future, NYC), giving less than $250 would be very unusual. We give $300, and usually $500 for a close cousin. And our generation isn't that well-off. My MIL and FIL's generation has more money. And they ALWAYS give money for the wedding present. The bridal shower is when they give things (though they've been known to give money)

I do it opposite from NancyLouise - I'll give a close friend something very personal, but money to acquaintances.

Some communities give big gifts, some small. In our experience, there is a great range even within a community.

No matter what the "range" in your community, I do think it makes sense to take into account how close you are to the family (I'd spend a lot more for my nephew than for my office colleague's child) and of course your own budget. I also take into consideration whether I will be attending, whether the whole family is invited or just my husband and me, etc. I don't calculate the cost of feeding us, but I suppose I do take it into account a little -- if we aren't attending at all, I may send only a smaller gift or perhaps a donation to charity, especially for a more remote acquaintance. Some people do seem to do the meal-vs.-gift calculus, though, so if you care about what those people think, take it into account! (And perhaps also if you think that this family is really strapped and entertaining you was a financial sacrifice that you would like to help alleviate.)

I think that really no one here can tell you what to do. Ask someone who is part of the bridal couple's community what seems to be the range, if you are really concerned about this. But I think you should just give whatever you want!

I still don't get the connection between size of the wedding and size of the gift. Presumably the bridal couple (and maybe parents) decide on the size of the wedding based on what they can pay for, not what they expect to haul in.

It seems to me that the relationship between the giver and the couple is far more important than how elaborate the wedding.

For friends, I give something handmade most of the time. For my best friend, I made a photo album for her, covered in the same material that our bridesmaid dresses were made out of - she loved it, and still uses it for her wedding pictures. Last year I crocheted an afghan for co-worker friends of my fiance's...it didn't cost me much in time or money, but was very well recieved. For one of my cousins, I bought a set of inexpensive household tools for them...under $20. All of the above are accompanied by my "signature" sympathy card - it never fails to inject a bit of humor into the whole thing. :-)

My fiance used to wrap up an old pair of tennis shoes for the groom as his "signature present", which tends to be funny and well-recieved too (in case they needed to "run away").

For people I don't know, a crocheted towel/dish cloth set and some pretty soaps would be an idea from me...I've given a cleaning tote with cleaning supplies before, and my sister got a "husband training kit", with various cleaning supplies and a humourous list of how to train her husband how to use them. Light-hearted, very useful, and still in that $20-$30 range.

But I've never given money...in my mind, that turns the whole thing into a "commercial" event, rather than a personal one (I don't give money for any other gifts either - gift cards, occasionally, but never just $$). Call me cheap, but if I don't give money, no one worries about how much I spent, they just know I got them a gift and was thinking of them. If they *are* wondering how much I spent, then it's obvious they certainly didn't deserve a gift at all - I'm not too worried about it in that case. ;-)

I think that although this is an impossible question to answer in the abstract, it is not hard to answer in an individual case. How close are you to the couple? What can you afford? Did you find something (or can you make something) that is just wonderful, even though it costs very little? How many people are giving this gift? Is the the couple struggling, or do they "have everything"? I bet if you answer those questions, you'll know just what to do.

And AFTER you consider all those things, I don't think it's terrible to take into consideration, as more minor factors, "mercenary" things like whether they recently gave YOU a huge gift, or what people in your circumstances seem to give in your community, or if they are feeding 8 members of your family at an expensive reception, etc. I'm not saying there is an arithmetic formula you should follow, or that you HAVE to figure those things in. I'm just saying that YOU might be more comfortable if you don't have a sneaking feeling that you are being cheap in light of any of those things. I think that's really the reason people ask this question.

And I'll say it again: even if YOU don't think any of these things are important, you still may want to think about whether OTHER people in your community (especially the bridal family) DO. (I live in a community that doesn't "cover the plate" or try to match what that family gave you or yours, and I was very surprised when a good friend -- who came from another part of the country -- told me that she DOES think about that when she is giving a gift. That tells me that she also thinks about it when she receives one.) If you feel that this is the custom in your community, bear in mind that you cannot change their minds, no matter how right you are. So if -- and I do mean IF; I'm not saying you should -- you care what they think, give that a little thought. If you don't care, then forget it. But in my experience, people who ask these questions do care -- otherwise, why ask?

In some communities (evidently including Rosa's), people usually give money for a wedding gift and "thing" gifts, often large, for showers.

In some communities, cash is considered too impersonal for a wedding gift, so most people give "thing" gifts.

Where I live, people give either money or "thing" gifts for wedding gifts (usually sent to the home), and smaller gifts for showers.

However, these are simply common practices -- which change over time, too -- not rules or even conventions.

So I disagree with Rosa that guests are "suppose[d] to" give only money for wedding gifts. It may be customary in her community, but even so, guests aren't wrong if they give a thing for a wedding gift, and I would bet that there are always some who do.

Your post gets the crazy-post-of-the-day award.

Agree. What an obnoxious perspective.

Although I know gifts are completely optional, I was a little hurt that my husband's brother and wife did not give us anything as did neither their adult daughter and her husband or their adult son and girlfriend who all attended the wedding.