Monetary wedding gift
TerriJM
20 years ago
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Comments (34)
spewey
20 years agojoann23456
20 years agoRelated Discussions
Wedding - do we give a gift?
Comments (38)My own parents hosted my "big white wedding", and gave DH & I a check to purchase bedroom furniture of our choice. MIL & FIL gave us a honeymoon for a wedding gift. This was 35 yrs ago, perhaps things are now done differently? Despite that your DH is paying for his DD's wedding (assuming that it was his offer/agreement), I think that something thoughtful i.e., nice gift from you both is appropriate. The gift need not be over the top, just a nice family piece of silver or crystal, or alternatively, visit an antique shop and find something unique if you wish to give a small token-type gift. Thinking that a meaningful gift will not only acknowledge the marriage (big deal to the couple), but will go a long way toward keeping a good relationship with your SD. If you don't, I think the bride & groom's feelings may be hurt, as a lack of any gift other than hosting the wedding seems a little cold... IIWM, I would find something meaningful to give, even if you have to give some sentimental family piece. It's the symbolism, not the amount of $ spent that matters most. Be a good stepmother and take it upon yourself to suggest and then choose something that both you and your DH feel reflect your feelings toward your DH's daughter and her marriage. If money is tight with paying for the wedding reception, it isn't very difficult to find something that the bride will keep for years with a remembrance of your graciousness in acknowledging this milestone in her life. Please take the ex-wife out of the equation, since I am getting the feeling that the gift idea by your SD's DM, may have caused your initial reaction of not giving a gift other than the actual wedding. Congratulations on the marraige of your SD, but do remember that this is your DH's daughter, and your actions at this time will definitely speak volumes....See MoreHow much to spend on gifts?
Comments (4)I get this logic, and I've seen it rationalized this way also but polite society does not always work rationally. If you order a lobster in a restaurant, etiquette dictates that you tip more although you may have received the same service as someone who ordered a hamburger, right? So I guess I do not base my gift on the reception locale since I find I always start at the low $100 mark for a gift and add to it depending on my closeness with the couple. I don't find this amount to be too high, although I realize many people do. Of course, I may start at this amount since I seem to only go to 'standard' weddings where I think the low $100's is probably how much they spent on my guest and myself. This is just my opinion of course, but I think it's pretty tacky how people, who can well afford it, start griping about spending an extra $20 or $30 on a wedding present. I was in a wedding and one of the other bridesmaids (also a very close friend of the bride) chipped in with her husband, mom, dad, and brother and bought the B&G a $100 gift. This is the same couple who were saving up for a $400,000 house and "couldn't afford to spend more"....See MoreAnother wedding gift etiquette question
Comments (44)I think close family members do get asked about gifts so I can understand why you'd be involved :) Weddings are tough - speaking as a gift-giver, I really do think the best gift for a young couple is cash. They will likely (based on my experience) own a lot of their household goods and may be struggling to pay for the wedding (in my circle parents do not pay for weddings). A lot of young couples also don't want a lot of stuff. I now give only cash or perhaps cash and a thoughtful small token such as a craft piece or restaurant gift certificate I think the couple will like. And I understand that gifts are Not to be Mentioned by the couple but let's be real...almost everybody brings a gift. And I'd rather it be a gift the couple wants and can use. None of us want to waste our money on something that will not be used. We set up a registry with the food bank for our wedding and it was a big hit, but we were also getting some help from our parents with the wedding (we paid for most of it ourselves however). I understand the best approach etiquette-wise is still to set up a registry of any sort (household, honeymoon) and close family members will only mention it when asked, or mention cash when asked. I believe most somewhat youngish people that I know around here (40 and under) bring cash to weddings. This may be because a lot of our friends are from cash giving cultures (I have received two wedding invitations that stated No Box Gifts!)...See MoreWedding Gift Amounts These Days
Comments (19)Three weddings this year, one was a reschedule from last year. First was a sugar/creamer set they wanted, around 30 bucks. Second was around 150 worth of components that I built into some of the couples wedding jewelry and 30 for their cake knife/server set. Third was under 50 to make a gallon of antipasta pickles and a quart of pickled mushrooms for the potluck along with being the de facto party coordinator as the various folks showed up and met each other- and I got to have my mom visit for a couple weeks while the happy couple was on their honeymoon. All of us are close and most of us are already fairly well settled into our lives before dedicing to throw a wedding, so it's usually less about price tags and much more about celebrating the union. It can be common to see some envelopes, some purchaced gifts, a few thrift shop finds, and some home made gifts like jewelry, clothing, household linens, food, alcohol, art, and other creations in the mix. Sometimes gifts are less fiscal tangable, like sitting while the couple is gone or being chaos wrangler for the wedding, or party runner, those sorts of things....See Moresplinter
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