"Please join us for a casual picnic lunch in our yard after the services of dedication for our daughter. Service at 10:30 at the whatever church if you wish to attend, and lunch at noon at our house. Please come to one or both events, we would love to share our blessing with you."

First of all, congratulations! I agree with lindac; try to avoid putting "adults only" on the invitation. Start by having an invitation that looks adult-y, if you know what I mean. It's not that it's an etiquette no-no -- I mean, so is "no gifts please," but I think it's really the only way we feel comfortable giving parties for ourselves, so IMHO it's okay in your case. But "adults only" has a different feel to me (unwelcoming as opposed to unselfish) and I am guessing to you, too, because you're asking. If you are part of a crowd that typically includes the kids, people may still assume that this party is no exception. So what to do? I'd want to know how many families are invited total and how many might bring kids. They're all your good friends, right? So I'd just talk to or email each of them separately, preferably when you're contacting them about something else anyway. Make sure it doesn't sound like you don't like THEIR kids particularly. Just say something like, "By the way, this time it's just going to be the 'grown-ups,' so I want to give you a heads-up so you have time to get a sitter for Thusnelda and Mortimer." If someone asks, "But can't I bring Thusnelda? She won't be any trouble," you can say, "I'd love to have her, and of course she's always an angel, but I already told a bunch of people that this time we aren't having kids, and they will have fits if they come and see Thusnelda there, so please help me out, won't you? Thanks!" Don't worry about the fact that your own kids will be there. Of course they will; no one is going to find that strange or unfair. I like LindaC's idea of a note instead of an invitation, but it depends on how many you're inviting.

In response to MountainBreeze.... I agree that its sort of "non-traditional" to ask people to come to a destination wedding that you have no intension of reciprocating their efforts by paying for a meal or cake and punch. BUT I also think that if the guest list is small enough for the people traveling to the wedding you don't even NEED to send invitations. Email, call, have your Mom or someone call... It's always easier to talk to someone about a sticky situation informally than trying to figure out some eloquent way to tell them something they might not want to hear. (you know it comes off impersonal and therefore impolite) Then with the people invited to your reception at home, just make it like a regular invitation...as formal or informal as you want. I mean the economy issues go both ways, but if you go to a family member or a friend personally and say... We can't afford this but love you and wish you could attend; please do if you can afford it as well then you don't even need to worry about half the stuff that I'm sure is on your mind. I have a similar problem have been searching around the web....maybe someone brilliant can help me!! I am getting married in my home town...which I don't live in and neither does my man. We are having a small family wedding with a formal sit down dinner to follow in my home town in Indiana. THEN.... we (my fianc� and I) are coming back "home" to Tennessee to have a follow-up less formal reception celebration with our friends and some of my extended family who also live in TN. Majority of the people who are invited to the wedding are not coming to the Reception in Tennessee. (Why would they it's far away and they already saw us get married?) BUT there are about 50 extended family members (that all live in TN) that I want to invite to the wedding with the anticipation that they will choose to come to the Reception in TN instead of driving to IN. So I was thinking of sending the following: Indiana wedding people get invitations to the wedding with RSVP Cards ( That will Read: Please Reply by X: Accept ____ Decline_____ if accepting: Chicken_______ or Steak________; Tennessee Reception ONLY people get there own seperate invitations to the Reception saying (we were married on XYZ, please join us for a Reception celebrating our marriage at blah blah; Then! Here in lies the problem--what do I do about those 50 family members who I want to invite to the wedding and also give them the choice of coming to the Tennessee Reception? I was thinking of sending them a seperate Reception card (included when I send the wedding invites) that say in a nut shell "in lieu of wedding you can instead attend the Tennessee Reception") Now... how do I word that without sounding like an idiot (see above!) or does anyone of this world wide web have a better idea!!!!! I'm getting married in April of 2011 I've have run out of Freaking Time to be clueless!! Thank you to anyone who responds. StephC.

Sweeby, I hate "dressy casual"! To me, that translates to, "Casual, but we don't trust you not to show up in ripped jeans and a filthy T-shirt." sweet pea says that that is indeed what some people do. Well, maybe so -- but (especially given that those people probably would dress that way no matter WHAT you put on the invitation) I wouldn't insult the other guests by indicating that assumption. Personally, I don't think I'd write anything other than "black tie," "dressy," or "casual," on an invitation, and and I really hate "original" things like "festive casual" or "celebratory attire" -- they are just plain confusing, and they sound like the hosts are trying too hard. We recently went to a wedding the invitation to which said, "No neckties!" I know the couple wanted it casual, and they probably thought the wording was cute, but I felt that was just plain bossy and controlling. Some of the older male guests (including the groom's father) feel very uncomfortable NOT wearing a tie to even a casual event (not a picnic or softball game, but you know what I mean). They could just have written "casual" and everyone would have dressed appropriately, and if some men wore ties, so what? Beats antagonizing your guests before the wedding even starts. You can dress your bridal party to match (and, ironically, they DIDN'T), but not your guests! In fact, I am more and more not writing anything at all. The style of the invitation and the time, type, and location of the event really give anyone who cares all the information they need. Suppose you got an invitation with paper and font that are pretty but dignified, a (readable) script font, and fairly formal wording: Please join us for Rehearsal dinner Saturday, June 31 7:30 pm La Palma Ristorante / at our home 123 Main Street AnyTown Muriel and Waldo Quilter RSVP: (000) 555-1212 or this one, on day-glo paper with a border of balloons and a goofy font: WOW!!! With just 24 hours to go, let's pull out all the stops and have a bash in honor of Petunia and Cuthbert! Clambake -n- kegger Saturday, June 31 Party Beach 7:30 p.m.-??? Wouldn't you know how to dress for each of these parties, without being given a dress code? For your party, quilter, I would either write nothing regarding dress, or, if you feel that it is still ambiguous (like if it's at a home), then I would write "casual." If the invitation is anything but ultra-casual, people will know to dress decently. No one is going to wear dressy party clothes. If someone wears nice jeans and a nice top, and someone else is in a suit, it isn't a disaster -- after all, you might very well see both at a good restaurant. The guests don't have to match each other exactly, and you don't want to risk casting a pall on your party by appearing overly controlling of the guests' clothes.