I honestly don't know anything about what would be an appropriate gift in Boston. In fact, as far as Houston (where I've lived my whole life), AFIK there's no "custom" gift. Not that I'm up on all that stuff!! The thing is, I give what I feel comfortable giving rather than trying to figure out what the couple expects or what the local tradition might be. If money is the custom there, they'll already be getting a lot of checks. Why not make your gift one of the few personal items that stand out and get remembered? I have a few quotes below from a very wise person who frequents this forum. See if you can figure out who said all this: When I got married, I did not have enough experience to know what would REALLY come in handy as my family and entertaining needs grew. Even then, I could see the difference between the gifts our peers gave us -- "unique," fun, or short-term stuff (e.g., a bed tray and a subscription to a book review) -- and the things the "grown-ups" got us: serving pieces, carving board, tablecloths, dishes, flatware, etc. We liked and appreciated all of it, but I could see the older generation had the better idea, and theirs are the gifts I am still gratefully using almost 26 years later. Registries tell me colors, styles, etc. I often give a silverplate water pitcher (there's an example of something you don't know you'll need but never have enough of, if you entertain). I look at the couple's registry to decide whether to choose a very simple or more ornate style. Not many young couples need giant serving platters or dishes, flatware, and crystal for 12 or 18. But years later, when they start to take their turn hosting holiday meals and family get-togethers -- for a family that will probably be getting larger -- they are going to need all that stuff -- at least many people do. Twenty-six years ago, I never imagined serving 29 people dinner in my home. But that is what we are doing tomorrow! So even though at the time it seemed like we would never use all the platters, bowls, and pitchers, I have used every one of them many times over the years. The nicest bonus is that every time I use the "boring" items, even all these years later, I think fondly of the person who gave it to me. That is a very lovely experience you don't get if all you get is cash or things you registered for yourself. My favorite gift was a big, fancy silver plate platter from my great aunt. She had received it as a wedding gift when she married into our family in the 1950s. I certainly didn't have occasion to use it much in the early years of our marriage, but I use it all the time now, and I think of her every time I see it. This is probably more a matter of local and ethnic custom than anything else. In many communities the northeast, for example, it seems that cash gifts are so customary that "thing" gifts are unusual (for wedding gifts \-\- these people also often give very large "thing" gifts for engagements and showers). But several posters who live in the south have reported that in their communities cash gifts are considered impersonal to the point of being a no\-no. Both are common here. I prefer to give a "thing" gift, but that's just my preference.

We eloped and there were no parents to give us gifts. My parents were dead, and his parents did not even bother to raise him. We have two married children. We gave our daughter a large wedding, and I think that was it. His parents gave them a lovely rehearsal dinner and an island honeymoon. We gave our son his wedding and a check to use to buy a house some day instead of a honeymoon. Originally, the check was for the honeymoon they decided against as they priced houses in the area.

I can see how your feelings were hurt. I would feel very insulted if I were you. You have a right to those feelings. But I think you said it best yourself: "we didn't want any bumps in the road." It sounds like you have managed that very well so far. I think that, if you can manage it (I know it's hard), you would be wise to keep employing those skills now and try not to respond to this. Perhaps it really is true that they -- mistakenly -- thought that this was the more sensitive way to handle the situation. Maybe they had once been, or had heard of others being in, a situation where a family with friends and relations of lesser means felt humiliated when the much more lavish gifts of the other side's guests were opened, and were trying to spare your feelings. They ended up doing exactly the opposite, didn't they? But based upon what your son said, that was evidently their intention. Maybe sometime when an opportunity arises naturally to discuss this with your son and his wife, you can let them know that you aren't so sensitive about such things, and that you would feel more comfortable not to be "handled" even with the best of intentions. You actually said that it was your son, not his bride or her family, that you are disappointed in. I get that, too. As another recent (last month) mother of the groom, I can relate! I can only tell you that I noticed my own son bending over backward to try to understand his bride's family, their special sensitivities, and and their preferences. There were moments when we thought he was really kind of overdoing it -- but I am glad we didn't say anything. It was important for him not to be appearing to take sides, or something like that (I'm making it sound like there were conflicts -- there really weren't, it was more like he was afraid for no reason that there might be, or that they would be super-sensitive. In truth, they're not, and we all get along great.) If he doesn't calm down a bit about it, we'll talk, but I bet he will -- and I bet your son will, too. So I end as I began: I can completely understand your disappointment and sense of insult, and you aren't wrong, but I think you will all be happier in the end if you can let this go. Having a great relationship with the machetunim is worth a lot, and it's a wonderful gift to give your son.

I remember years ago, being a brides maid for my friend and giving her a hand blown wine decanter with 4 matching glasses as a wedding gift. She opened her gifts after the wedding at the reception, while everyone was eating and displayed everything. My fragile gift was a BIG deal back then....well received. I just looked up a similar items price to say what I would have to spend "today".................$681. I was thinking $300 sounded like a lot....