I agree that a sari won't work as well for you. First of all, you want to feel comfortable in what you select, and a sari is a totally different feel and fit with the way it is worn. Wear a fancy dress, preferably long if you can find one you like as the sari will be long. Beaded or whatever you like. I am sure the sari will be fancy, colorful and she will wear lots of jewelry. Check out department stores and specialty stores that sell evening wear and stores that sell bridal dresses. Wear sandles with a little heel, and jewelry to match.

Look for an evening dress with a matching jacket for the modesty. They are showing strapless MOB and MOG dresses these days, but I think that comes too close to upstaging the bride and bridesmaids. Keep looking, as now should be when you can find the most choices.

Where in California is this garden wedding? Will it be later in the day? California can be quite cool in the evenings.

I hated the whole process of finding my dress because the options were so ugly when I looked. I made the mistake of waiting too long. I loved everything else about planning our wedding. But my dress--what a chore.

It sounds like fun!

You don't have to wear a sari, and you don't seem to want to. Just wear whatever you would wear even if no one else were wearing saris. Find out how dressy the wedding will be. You said it's a garden wedding followed by a celebration at a "club facility," but try to get more info. Most important, is it day or evening? No matter how formal it is, don't wear a long evening gown during the day (except for the bride). You can ask if the invitation will say something like "black tie" or other indication.

The bridesmaids' dresses are a clue: tea length, but chiffon, an evening fabric (country of origin irrelevant). So if you don't get any further info, I would go with a dressy party dress, any color except black or white, but not a long gown.

And stay away from bridal salons and their "mothers" collections -- poor quality and dull styles. Just go shopping at regular stores for a dress that makes you feel wonderful.

A sari isn't formal just because it's long. All saris are long, I believe.

Congratulations!

I agree that choosing your dress by taking clues from the bridesmaids dresses is a good plan here. I'd be looking at bright or bold colors. The bridesmaids are in red and the MOB in "colorful fabrics". I suspect something like baby blue would look out of place.

I would use this dilemma as a chance to get to know the bride and/or her mother. Ask them. Find 3 reasonably different dresses on line that would be figure flattering and in your comfort zone. Let her/them know you have just begun thinking about what to wear. You haven't tried on anything to see if you really like it. But, based on these examples, are you looking in the right direction? A question like that would probably help open, expand or maintain a line of communication between a mother in law and daughter in law.

It's a 4:00 wedding in Silicon Valley. I was told the weather will be in the 70's during the day but cooling down in the evening.

Duckie, you're right about getting to know MOB & bride better. Brides in Beijing & MOB between CA & India so we'll email, but it's not the same as in person.

gellcom, I agree about bridal shop quality. The times I've gone instore, the quality was poor. Also, once ordered, I'm committed even though I might not like the final product. I've mostly looked online. I'll start looking in regular stores & see what I come up with.

Wow, this sounds like a lovely wedding. Saris are definitely "formal" as well as every day. The formal ones are very elaborate and are just beautiful.

If you go that route you will want some help and practice getting into the sari. You won't want it coming adrift on the day.

If I were you, and I'm not, I'd ask the MOG to purchase a sari for you in the color of the bride's choice, with the understanding that you will have the sari fabric made into a modest long dress (or long skirt and top) that you would feel comfortable in.

Honestly, I'd look at this as an opportunity to bond with your in-laws, while explaining to them that you want to be as comfortable (as a jeans person in dress up) as you can during the celebration.

That said, I'd take a sari(with a helper to get into it) over "traditional" MOG dresses in a nano second. Saris are both flattering and graceful. :-)

Because the bridesmaids are wearing tea length dresses, it would be more appropriate for you to also wear a tea length dress rather than a long one. I like the idea of purchasing that would be used for a sari and having a dress made in a style that you are comfortable with.

I like the idea of purchasing sari type fabric and having a dress made. When we met the MOB she had 3 choices of fabric that I could pick from to have a salwar kameeze made. I'll wear it at a party held a couple nights prior to the wedding....lots of music & dancing & a time when the brides parents present bride with her trousseau. Anyway, since the MOB has extra fabric on hand I could ask her to send me that fabric & have a dress made.

Appreciate everyone's responses!!

That sounds like a wonderful idea!
Having a western-style dress made from a sari fabric --

Best of both worlds ;-)

Keep in mind that "sari fabric" typically has a border....a pattern along one edge the length of the piece....so if you will have a dress made from a sari fabric you need to keep that in mond to make the best use of the fabric.
I would go for a traditional dress in a chiffon0ey stuff...in a royal blue green sort of water washed blended colors ( I'm not asking much am I!)...waltz lenght with an uneven hem, witha bit of a sleeve and a lovely pashmina to toss over your shoulders at night if it's cool.
Just think...if the situation were reversed....would you expect the other parents to come in Western dress just because that's what you would be wearing?
Sounds like a wonderful weekend
Linda C

I guess I have a different take on this than the other posters. I think that the MOB sets the formality of dress, and maybe length, but the MOG has the freedom to buy something that she likes and looks good in. If the OP looks best in pastels, I think she should get a pastel dress. She isn't part of the wedding party and doesn't need to match them. Perhaps she shouldn't clash with them, but that's about it.

Since saris leave a portion of the midriff and back exposed, I'd not recommend the OP wear one unless she feels comfortable with that. And I don't think there is any need to wear a sari or a dress made from a sari, either. The sari is part of the bride's family's culture. There is no reason the groom's mother can't wear something reflective of her own culture. If the OP wants to wear a sari, fine. If she wants to wear a dress she is comfortable in, also fine. I'm concerned that making a sari into a dress could be difficult. I did once and it was tricky finding a pattern that would work with the fabric, as lindac mentions.

I just quickly grabbed three dresses that would fit the bill for the time and place of the wedding (the first one would have to be shortened). Just as ideas.

http://www.coldwatercreek.com/Products/ProductATB.aspx?productid=44607&ensembleid=50771

http://www.coldwatercreek.com/Products/ProductATB.aspx?productid=45857&ensembleid=52017#

http://www.coldwatercreek.com/Products/ProductATB.aspx?productid=44603&ensembleid=50783

Thanks for the links camlan. I was in a Coldwater Creek store over the weekend; however they didn't have any dresses in stock. Those are really pretty--love the style of the first; unfortunately I'm really fair skinned & I'd look drained in the color. They were all pretty styles, like I'd be comfortable wearing. I'd never wear a sari if my midriff was exposed!! I'm thinking I may take a couple choices of dresses along...if I can make one w/ the sari fabric & find one to buy at the right price. That way I'll be prepared.

Camlan really nailed it: "the MOB sets the formality of dress, and maybe length, but the MOG has the freedom to buy something that she likes and looks good in. If the OP looks best in pastels, I think she should get a pastel dress. She isn't part of the wedding party and doesn't need to match them. Perhaps she shouldn't clash with them, but that's about it." If you WANT to wear a sari or a dress made from sari fabric, fine, but if not, you just dress as you would otherwise.

So you can stop worrying so much! Just go shopping at your usual favorite stores for a beautiful party outfit that you feel wonderful in and that is appropriate for a wedding (i.e., nothing black or white or ultra sexy) and the time of day and formality level, about which you can ask the bridal couple or the bride's parents.

I selected something like this in a champagne/silver color combo. Guests thought I had spent far more than I did on my outfit.
The duster fits loosely and flows when you move. The shell and pants are fully lined. I think this would be very compatible with the MOB sari.

If you do order this, I'd order 2 different sizes and return the one that doesn't fit. This company is very easy to deal with.

Here is a link that might be useful: chiffon pant suit

I just have to trot out this old joke.

The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready, and nothing could dampen Jennifer's excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce.

Her mother Carol finally found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother of the bride EVER!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her new young stepmother had purchased the same dress.

She asked Barbie, her stepmother, to exchange the dress, but Barbie refused, "Absolutely not! I'm going to wear this dress; I'll look like a million bucks in it!"

Jennifer told her mother, who graciously replied, "Never mind, dear, after all it's your special day, not hers."

Two weeks later, another dress was finally found for Jennifer's mom. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "What are you going to do with the first dress? You don't have any place to wear it."

Carol grinned and replied, "Of course, I do, dear! I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"

Did you find an outfit?

I love the 2nd coldwater creek dress in blue here and think that would look pretty. I also love the pantsuit but am not nuts about color choices.

From what you are saying in your 1st post, it sounds like the MOB is wanting you to also wear a sari. If you do not, will it cause hard feelings?

If you have cable TV, you should be able to check out a few of the wedding shows to give you ideas. There is one called Say Yes To the Dress, Kleinfeld Bridal, there was a dress on one or 2 of the shows that would probably look fabulous on you for a wedding like this. While they were not jewel tone, it was the fabric and gems that made them fit. Look under evening wear. If you find a designer you like you should be able to find the dress locally. Here is the page at TLC where you can watch epiosodes.

Also check out WE TV there are a few shows that had weddings like this. One was Platinum Weddings - a few that I remember Nikoo & Hossein - Sheila & Santosh - Valentina & Shail

Then I found info for bridal sari's - that should give you an idea of what will be worn. I also found this site which also might help, they show traditional wedding clothes. direct link to a pink/taupe, also looks like it would cover you. Party wear. At the top are more links. Some of the dresses are pretty nice.

Link to Liz Hurley's wedding click.

Here is a link that might be useful: wedding channel