Wedding Rehearsal Dinner and Alcohol

13 years ago

As the parents of the groom we are hosting the wedding rehearsal dinner. Our plans are to invite the entire wedding party, as well as any family that is coming from out of town. This puts the number of attendees at approximately 40 - 60.

Given the number of people who might attend, we are trying to keep costs down. We have found an ideal place that is very reasonable to rent. We have also been in contact with food caterers. The buffet entree would be provided by the caterer; we would provide all other food including appetizers, salad, rolls, dessert, soft drinks, coffee and tea.

If we include beverage catering (a requirement for this one place if we are to have alcohol), then it will cost anywhere from $900 - 1,200 (an estimate).

What is the etiquette when it comes to liquor at a wedding rehearsal dinner? Is it acceptable to not have any liquor? Or would this be viewed as being cheap?

I would appreciate a quick answer since we are trying to finalize our plans this week.

Thank you in advance for you input.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

gellchom
13 years ago
I'm a MOG this year, too --

No, etiquette doesn't require you to serve alcohol. But -- and this depends upon your group; you know them, I don't -- some people may be disappointed. And although we and our crowd aren't big drinkers, I have to admit that alcohol does tend to make a party more festive and fun.

Do they require you to have a full bar or nothing? See if you can negotiate. A limited drinks menu is much cheaper, both for the alcohol and for the number of servers needed.

Our plans aren't finalized yet, but I am figuring on beer, wine, sangria, and perhaps a signature cocktail at the "rehearsal" dinner. (I put the quotes in because it's just a big, casual party for all the out of town guests the night before the wedding -- the rehearsal will have been the day before.) We will probably have 150 people (all our many relatives are out of towners).
sweet_pea10
13 years ago
You don't need to serve alcohol at the rehearsal dinner, particularly if it is a budget breaker. If you do serve it, it shouldn't be much so everyone is at their best the next day. If you have attendees that feel they need a drink, perhaps a group could get together after dinner for drinks.
Related Discussions
Help me with Thing One's rehearsal dinner
Q
Comments (14)
In years past I have had quite a few big out door parties. My back yard alone is about 1/2 an acre....and ringed with bushes and trees and gardens. The best solution I found was something called "skeeter beater"...granular stuff you sprinkle around a few hours before the party. It worked fairly in combo with yard guard....but every flower it got on became discolored in a day or 2...some leaves too...spotted. New growth and flowers covered it up but.... If I were doing sometning like that now, I would start now being vigilant about any water. I would have a dunk in every birdbath and pool and ask my neighbors to do the same. And I would start soon with spraying every few days to reduce the population. I know...I hate to put that much poision into the air but.... Then the day of....I would do lots of Yard guard....fans aw far as I could string them. Not blowing from the shrubbery into the crowd but from the crowd to the shrubs. and I would have a table with every type of repellant I could think of. No citronella candles...gag! I don't know what your time frame is, but skeeters become most active at dusk, It won't be too bad before that time and once it gets good and dark they sort of go to sleep. So perhaps a second run around the perimeter of the yard about 7:00 would further knock them back. Good luck....sounds lovely! Linda C
...See More
Rehearsal Dinner Invitations ???
Q
Comments (12)
Nettie: You don't *have* to invite all the out-of-towners to the rehearsal dinner; in fact, if the groom's family is truly hosting, I think it's sort of rude to expand the guest list on them. If they *offer*, OK, but I wouldn't even ask them, for fear of them feeling pressured. Normally, the rehearsal dinner is strictly related to the rehearsal. Therefore, it's the bridal party and their dates, the officiant, and the immediate family (mom, dad, siblings) of the bride and groom. Grandparents aren't traditionally on that list. However, if they're there, it might be a nice gesture, so their feelings aren't hurt. One thing I think that happens when the out-of-towners are invited to the rehearsal dinner is, esp. if it's in a restaurant, it sort of feels like the reception itself, bcs everybody's there. So I'm sort of a foot-dragger on this; I don't like to invite the out-of-towners. Plus, I personally prefer the most personal touch possible for rehearsal dinners, and a big crowd makes it hard to do at home. (not that an out-of-town MOG can have it at home) That said, AS an out-of-town guest, I like to have something to do, and a chance to see some of my relatives. If you don't want to or can't expand the rehearsal dinner, you might recruit someone among the out-of-town guests to organize a get-together somewhere in case people would like it. Maybe an aunt and uncle can tell everyone that they'll all have dinner at whichever local restaurant, if they want to come along, and everybody can gather that way, and feel like they're not abandoned, without having to crash the other event. My uncle let us all know that they'd be hanging around at the restaurant AFTER the rehearsal dinner, and we could join them for drinks if we wanted, so we did that. We got to feel a part of things, a little, but they didn't have to feed u. We married in my true hometown, which meant that EVERYBODY except my mom and dad traveled for the wedding. So *I* hosted the rehearsal dinner, and asked my mom to help plan, and brothers to help cook and serve. We had a barbecue at a local park; and everybody was invited. I couldn't have afforded a restaurant meal for all those people, and this keps it from feeling too much like the real wedding reception (which was a buffet at mom's house, so it's not like it was THAT much different). Good luck!
...See More
To bring you up to date - rehearsal dinner
Q
Comments (14)
LOL! Well, Melvalena, I hope you won't be disappointed. This was from the decorating forum, not the wedding forum, so with apologies to the others for the off-topic post, here is your answer. **** Origin of the term: When we bought our house, it had a big, beautiful living room right in the center of the house, a lovely little study in the front, an enormous family room in the back, and no dining room (the previous 2 owners didn't cook). We use a dining room a lot, often for big groups, and although we used our living room in our old house, we realized that we mostly used the small space in the middle. So we turned the living room into a dining room, and the little front study into a ... what to call it? It serves the function of a living room, but it's too small (about 11 x 12) to call it that, and I just couldn't get myself to say "parlor." My daughter (then 11) named it the "schmooze room," because, she said, "That's where the adults will go to schmooze after dinner." ("Schmooze" is Yiddish for "chat.") When, years ago, I asked the decorating forum for advice on decorating it, the term kind of caught on, and a few other posters now have schmooze rooms, too, and developed a sort of philosophy about it. It seems a lot of people (who are lucky enough to have the space for it) like having a lovely and/or goofy little retreat of a room that doesn't have to be so practical. The (tongue in cheek) guidelines are these: - No computer, TV, or most other electronic items (opinion is divided on radio/stereo, with some people saying it depends on the type of music). This is a room for conversation, reading, and long, schmoozy phone calls (IF you bring a cordless in from another room -- no phone plugged in there). - No leaving anything here. This room always looks nice, even if everyplace gets cluttered. - Try to make any snacks or beverages you bring in special, or at least in a decent dish. No bags of chips. - As this room isn't a heavy use room like a kitchen or bath, it's a good place to be a little impractical, idiosyncratic, and whimsical (like fringe near the ceiling) in your decorating. E.g., this is the place to choose fabrics because the color or texture thrills you, not because they will be durable or not show grease stains (see previous guideline), and bold colors that you adore but that you might be afraid you'd get sick of if they were in the kitchen. - Preferably located out of earshot of TV and children. Children welcome, but for non-messy, grown-up behavior only (no running, fighting, or art projects). Pet rules depend upon how well your pet obeys rules! Lots of people (especially Monablair) on the decorating forum helped, and I feel their presence whenever I am in there. Here are a few pictures of our schmooze room (the artwork is different now, and the colors aren't QUITE as vivid as they appear in the photos).
...See More
Rehearsal Dinner
Q
Comments (15)
Around here, the wedding party (and spouses, and often whole families) and all the out of town guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner (and any other "auxilliary" events). If a lot of the out-of-town guests are relatives, they and the in-town relatives are going to want to be together, so people invite the in-town relatives, too (I guess if that is a zillion people, you could limit to close relatives). In fact, in our community, the whole point isn't so much a "rehearsal" as a less fancy, fun way to entertain the out-of-towners, usually hosted by the groom's family, to allow them a chance to be the hosts. It's usually really fun -- lots of toasts and funny stories (that would really bog a wedding reception down if they went on too long) and getting to know each other. It's nice to invite the officiant, but you don't have to. I am a clergy wife, and I can tell you that we are pleased to be invited and not offended if we aren't -- the opposite of the wedding and reception itself, by the way, to which you really should invite the officiant and spouse, especially if it is the clergy from your congregation as opposed to, say, a JP you hire for the day and didn't even know. Don't worry -- at least in our case, we don't attend anywhere near every rehearsal dinner or reception to which we are invited; just the ones where we feel close to the family and think we probably would have been invited "anyway." You don't need to invite your caterer, photographer, or other vendors, although of course you can if you want. I guess the difference is that the officiant is sort of a member of the wedding party.
...See More
suzieque
13 years ago
Why not just make it a cash bar? That's pretty acceptible these days.
gellchom
13 years ago
suzique, I know that that is true in some communities, but definitely not in all, so, OP, you need to consider your own community's and the bride's family's way of doing things.

I never see cash bars, and I think they would be considered very bad form here. Even a tip jar on a hosted bar is a no-no (the hosts tip the staff) -- anything that requires or encourages the guests to open their wallets is out. But a limited bar and even a dry party would both be okay.
sweet_pea10
13 years ago
Where I live, cash bars are the norm because of the state's host liability law. If the person purchases their own drink, it removes some of the liability from the host because the person made a conscious decision to purchase a drink. I know that is not true in many states.

In my area, we must use the services of either an on-site bar or a beverage catering service at most venues. Bringing your own alcohol is no longer allowed. If that is the case for OP, the beverage caterer is probably charging a hefty set-up fee to bring the alcohol, glassware, servers, etc. and set up the bar. That cost would still fall on the dinner hosts even if they have a cash bar to cover the cost of the alcohol consumed. If potentially only a small amount of alcohol will be consumed, it may not make sense to pay the fee.
sheilajoyce_gw
13 years ago
Our future DIL has a family friend with a winery. They have offered the wine for the reception as a gift, but the location has an $18 corking fee per bottle. Makes it prohibitive.
gellchom
13 years ago
Wow! That sounds really high. I would try to negotiate a better price, especially as you are giving them a very good booking. You will be surprised at how much is negotiable, but you do have to ask.
sheilajoyce_gw
13 years ago
Well, all I can do is talk to the bride. The wedding is taking place in an area that is popular but there are only a limited few places to do so. As a result, they gouge and get away with it. They want to sell us all the wine, not have us bring it in.

Wedding Rehearsal Dinner and Alcohol

Comments (8)

gellchom

sweet_pea10

Related Discussions

suzieque

gellchom

sweet_pea10

sheilajoyce_gw

gellchom

sheilajoyce_gw

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US