I sure would be uncomfortable in a long dress given what you've said about the potential weather. I hope the MOB doesn't regret her decision. But I don't think that you have to change from your perfect dress to a long one just to conform.

These days, it is perfectly possible to have a long dress and a knee-length dress be of a similar formality. Sixty years ago? Not so much.

Also, someone has told you to wear whatever you want to wear. Was this the bride or her mother? Either way, you have permission to wear the dress you have. If they really want you to get a floor length dress, they have to say so. They can't expect you to be a mindreader.

If you are really worried that someone will be upset with your perfectly appropriate knee length dress, then you have to pick up the phone and call either the bride or her mother and ask, point blank, "MOB is now wearing a long dress. Does that mean that I should get a long dress, too?" because that's the only way you'll know for certain sure.

I'm a MOG, too. And I am dealing with the same issue.

Everything everyone else has said is correct. But I know that that doesn't end the analysis.

I suspect you aren't so much worrying about what any of the other guests will think or whether etiquette permits or requires you to do one thing or another.

I'm guessing that you like your future daughter in law and her mom and you want them to have the wedding just the way they picture it. Is that it?

That's what it is for me. Future Mrs. Thing One told me she is hoping (or at least she was months ago when we had this conversation) that she is hoping that the women will wear long dresses; however, the invitations will say "black tie optional." She has chosen lovely long soft-green chiffon gowns for the bridesmaids. When I went shopping, the women at the stores all told me they recommend that the moms don't wear a matching color, but rather a harmonizing one -- in this case, perhaps navy, gold, lavender, or beige. Also I think that the same shade as the bridesmaids would look match-y, but a different shade could look clashy. (Keep in mind that this is a Jewish wedding, which means that the moms and dads are up at the canopy for the ceremony -- so, visually, part of the wedding party.)

It isn't easy to find a long green dress this year, let me tell you! There are "mother" dresses you can order in any color, but I don't seem to look good in any of them -- I'm only 5'1", and they all seem designed for tall women. I have found a few regular gowns that I love in blue or navy.

When I asked her about that, she said fine, it didn't have to be green. So I thought I was all set.

But then, they sent a photo of a dress her mom is considering. It is long green chiffon, very like a mother version of the bridesmaid dresses -- similar but with a lace medallion at the hip and a lovely lace jacket. And I looked back at the pictures of her sister's wedding last year, and the bridesmaids, both moms, and both grandmas were all wearing shades of purple. So I am wondering if a matching look is what they prefer.

Now, I know that I don't HAVE to wear a long green gown even if they specifically said I should, and here I even have "permission" to wear a different color (I didn't ask about length; I don't mind wearing long).

But I am wondering if she was just being nice about it and really would prefer I wear green -- either because it is the look she wants, or because her mom will feel more comfortable if I do. If that is so, then that is what I want to do, never mind what I "have" to do. But if she truly doesn't care, then I would prefer to wear another color.

Is that where you are, too, vis-a-vis length?

My plan is just to ASK her. I don't want to put her on the spot, because she is so nice, she may say she doesn't care even if she really does. So when they are here next month, I might show her the (navy) dress I like best and see whether she says "Wow, great, go with that one!" or "Yes, it's nice ...." as if she wishes it were green. If I don't get a clear signal then, I will ask her directly, although maybe in an email so she doesn't have to respond directly.

Would that work for you?

Oh goodness! No, no, no!!!!! Please do NOT pawn this off onto the photographer!

I spent considerable time in the business. The photographer may or may not notice anything in particular. He/she may or may not know your culture/family/personal expectations....what's important in your eyes or what's not. This is entirely unreasonable!!!!!

If this is that huge a deal to you, handle it directly yourself. Don't expect the hired hand to be a mind-reader as well as a professional photographer!

I say pshaw. Wear your dress. Maybe she was just trying to make conversation with you.

Wear your dress.

What time do the books say is the start time, as it were, for long dresses? Is it the same for all party clothes and accessories?

I wore a short but dressy cocktail dress and accessories to my cousin's recent wedding. The ceremony was at 3:00 or 3:30, but the reception went until 10 or 11, I think. I did feel odd in all that bling in the middle of the afternoon, and I would have chosen something more transitional had I not known that she wanted us to dress up. In the end it was fine, though. Nice to have hit the age where it's easier to remember that no one came to look at me!