Big problems with wedding plans

15 years ago

I am the mother of the groom and so far I'm not happy with the brides family one bit. First let me tell you it's a fast romance to start with. Son met the girl and within 2 months he's asking her to marry him. They've only been together for 6 months now. They've planned on getting married in April. Her mom and sister acted all happy over joyed that they were wanting to get married, Me I just stayed in the back ground wait and watching how things go.

I got the bright idea of helping out cause nether one has the money to do up a nice wedding. Her parents don't have any money for the wedding and the two of them seem to really love and care for each other.

The whole time mom and sister has been on both of their case about getting things started, purchasing invitation and what not.

I invited son and daughter in law to be over and asked them if I could purchased to wedding invitations, while we were at it I let them purchase cake topper, flutes, cake knife server, you get the picture, We also went to Michaels MJ designs and purchased more items.

She was very happy with everything but when she called her sister to let her know we were getting the invitations sister BLEW HER TOP. She screamed at her that it's a mom and daughter thing to do up the wedding.

It's all a be mess there's LOT's more to the story and I told my son that I think her family is messed up big time.

Last Friday son, DILTB and her mom had plans to go scan shopping for the shower and the mom said they did not plan it on that day along with a few choice words pointing a finger at my son telling her daughter that he is interferring with the wedding. He wants to be a part of the plans, not everything but he doesn't want to be left out on some things. He dearly loves putting together dinners and parties so I can see he would be interested in helping out and choosing things together.

Her mom told them that she wanted to go to a printer to pick out the invitations, so I told my son well she can pay for it.

They keep telling them they have time. I'm like hello it's now less then 4 months away to get everything done.

Well, I ranted .....I'll just have to pray it will be ok.

Comments (6)

sweet_pea10
15 years ago
I am sorry to hear about your problems. You mention invitations and a shower, but do they yet have a location, food, photographer, dress - all the important things? And who is paying for those things? It sounds as if the couple needs to sit down and create a master plan for the wedding, including what they must have (location, officiant, etc.) and get their priorities in order. At that time they can determine how they will pay for things.

Your son should definitely be involved in the planning. It is his wedding and he should be included. I am a wedding planner and I see bride, groom, both moms, and often the father of the bride all involved in planning and attending meetings with vendors.

You are right about not having time if they want to have a well organized wedding without being totally stressed out. I have planned weddings in 6 weeks but that puts a lot of stress on the bride and they often have to settle for merchants that are not booked, which may mean they are not the best merchants. Right now I have weddings occuring in September that are fully planned.

You may need to step back and let the couple "sink or swim" until they decide how to proceed, which may include having a talk with her family, but you shouldn't be the one to do that. The bride needs to be the one to speak up.
mikeandbarb
Original Author
15 years ago
The wedding is off and my son broke up or says he's breaking up with her.
My husband and I are the only ones with money to have paid for the wedding, that is why I asked them if they wanted to order on line the invitations and other items. They ordered it and she called her sister to let her know that's when %$ hit the fan. Now her mom and sister is saying it's all my fault for interfering between the mom and daughter. They said it is between the mom and daughter to do EVERYTHING.
I canceled the order and now if they should stay together their on their own and I will not have anything to do with the girls mom and sister.

I've got enough on my hands caring for myself, husband and and ailing father in the nursing home.
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I cannot tell you how comforting it is to have all your support and advice! Lowspark, I am going to commit your suggested script to memory. It's perfect. However, I have reason to think that I may catch a lucky break and not have to do anything. My closest friend, "Fifi," who, as it goes around here, is sort of organizing all the people who want to help, is working on the Friday night dinner for the out of towners, along with "Kiki," who is hosting it at her house (I know!), and several others. Fifi just told me that AFTER (I checked) I had that conversation with Lulu and Cathy, Cathy sent Fifi an email saying something like "be sure to include us in whatever you're planning for the wedding." The wording wasn't crystal clear, but both Fifi and I got the sense she was speaking for Lulu, too. So that would mean that Fifi and Kiki, who already have 4 others on their "team," would get another 2 pairs of hands and financial contributions for what is really a big job, which I know Fifi appreciates (I hope Kiki does -- Fifi will handle that, bless her). Now, how did I not give "Cathy" a silly name, too? It also means no shower here. I doubt Thing One will care, and they certainly don't need another set of gifts, but FMTO may be disappointed. I doubt she'll be destroyed, though, and in the end she may be glad not to have to plan another trip (I am sure her relatives won't be disappointed not to have to come here twice). If she really, really wants another shower, well -- Thing Two and FMTO's sister both live in Boston, as, I believe, do some of FMTO's friends; maybe they will give her a shower -- I can slip Thing Two some $$ to help. (Yes, they are immediate family, but they are also bridesmaid and MOH, so I suppose that would be okay.) But I am going to keep my big mouth shut about that for now! This certainly is an example of not doing or saying anything until you must -- sometimes the problem changes or even goes away entirely. Glad I didn't say anything to Lulu yet.
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sweet_pea10
15 years ago
It sounds as if there is a need for maturity before a wedding occurs. The situation may have opened your son's eyes to what he was getting into.
scarlett2001
15 years ago
Sounds like you dodged a major bullet!
asolo
15 years ago
Aren't you glad that's over?

I always get a kick out of folks who want all the bells and whistles but can't afford the first bell. I've known many. My own wedding (decades ago) was one. Unfortunately the behavior is invariably symptomatic. If they have unreasonable expectations now, they will have them throughout. Good thing to avoid. I should have. It was much more painful and expensive undoing it than it would have been to avoid it at the head end.
sheilajoyce_gw
15 years ago
Well, Barb, it sounds like you really did do the right thing. He rushed into this relationship and finally saw what this girl is like and her role models too. He is smart enough to back off, sparing all of you the drama of a lousy marriage and divorce, perhaps with children involved. Not only were they not ready to consider marriage, but the match was doomed. Your assistance brought him into the reality of what life would be like with her, and he got smart and got out. Don't feel bad at all about this. More mothers would wish they had been as smart as you proved to be, whether intentionally or not.

At some point when things calm down and time has passed, I think I would design a conversation with your son and either you or his father or both to discuss why courtships usually require considerable time to be sure of one's life partner.

Big problems with wedding plans

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sweet_pea10

mikeandbarb
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Big problems with wedding plans

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sweet_pea10

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