Should married couples be split up in a wedding party???
macy
18 years ago
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talley_sue_nyc
18 years agowillierod1834_aol_com
13 years agoRelated Discussions
Any childless by choice married couples out there?
Comments (106)Soooooo happy I found this post. I just got off the phone with my mother after a heated argument about my long-standing decision not to have children. Actually, it was just a repeat of the same argument we've been having for *years*. I'm confident in my decision, but I often feel like I'm the only 31-year-old woman in my area code who does not want children. I know there are others out there, but they are completely absent from my current sphere of influence. It gives me such peace to hear that many of my opinions/positions/frustrations/etc on the matter are shared by other reasonable, conscientious, and (seemingly :)) well-adjusted people. For me, the CBC decision sprang from deeply rooted environmental concerns. That angle never works with anyone I know, so I usually defend myself by employing the standard "we're not thinking about that right now", "we might adopt at some point in the future" and/or "we don't think we'd make good parents" non-committal-type responses. This post has armed me with so many great arguing points, I'm tempted to call my mother back. She, too, loves the "childless people are selfish" argument. I always counter with the notion that, if all childless people possess that character flaw, perhaps their reluctance to bear offspring serves a greater societal purpose. Selfish people would most likely be crappy parents. I don't feel as though I'm selfish, nor do I think my friends and family regard me as such. I imagine if I *had* to raise a child I would be at best, an average parent. If Mom's postulate is true, and I am innately selfish, I thinks it comes from the belief that I would be a far more creative, useful person without children in my life-- as would most people, if they were really honest with themselves....See Morewedding party and parent gifts
Comments (13)I gave my dad a new, silver pocket knife--he always carries one (a small one), as well as a handkerchief. It's one of those "my dad" things that I've always liked about him; he was always prepared. And just a week before the wedding he'd lamented that his was getting a little dull. And I think one of the decorative panels was cracked or something. So it was something he needed, and it was small and personal; I just got a slightly fancy version of it. My folks didn't pay for the wedding, but they DID a lot. I wanted to say thanks. I don't remember what I got my mom--maybe a beaded evening bag I saw that I realized would match the dress she was going to wear? Sort of "spur of the moment" thing. I didn't have a really formal thing, and i don't think my sis got them presents, so they weren't expecting anything. I just happened to get two very SPECIFIC ideas that were unique to them. I didn't worry about getting a present for my in-laws. I didn't give the presents out at the rehearsal barbecue, co my ILs didn't even know about them. Plus, I was very specifically saying "thanks for ripping up your schedule, your home, etc., for this wedding." My ILs didn't do that much. They flew out for the wedding, and were helpful where they could be, but that was about it. They did throw a big reception back in their home town, but I didn't feel like they were doing much for US; that reception was really for THEM. So while I was gracious, and grateful, it didn't move me the same way my DMom & DDad's organizing and cleaning and prepping did. I'm not a fan of generic sorts of gifts--picture frames, etc. Those do feel like a "shuffling around of the money" thing....See MoreStep family not part of the wedding party
Comments (25)I think it is extremely sad that other people step in and express an opinion about what they think should be done at someone else's wedding. This is one time in your life that I feel if your feelings are hurt or if you disagree with what has been planned you just suck it up and keep your mouth shut. I guarantee you that any rude or hurtful comments made to the bride about her special day will be remembered for years to come. It is unbelievable to me that even if you were to feel slighted that you would have the gonads to complain. In this case I see no reason for your wife to have said one word. Making comments about what someone has planned for their wedding is in the same category as insensitive comments made at the time of some one's death or about the funeral IMO. My SD33 just emailed me her pictures of her wedding. She and hubby went to Hawaii and got married on the beach. They did what they wanted to do. It looked absolutely beautiful and I am so happy that they did what THEY wanted to do. Would I have liked to see it, sure but they did what they wanted to and the memories that they made will be about them and not all the step/bio/half relations that would have screwed the whole thing up. My SD has been through enough in her life. She has earned the right to decide for herself what she wants. She has my blessing and I am proud of her. Now, when she has a baby we'll talk again! LOL I have mentioned at an earlier date, on another post, that my feelings were hurt to a degree during her first wedding. I said nothing and looked at it from her point of view as best I could. I have never regretted keeping my mouth shut. Not an easy thing for me to do in most situations but that time I did. She still does not know that at the time I was a little hurt. She will never know. IMO the words that need to be spoken at these times are "Is there any thing that I can do to help you?"...See MoreAre you still in touch with your wedding party people?
Comments (25)Married 56 years ago, in Korea ... we were together 11 years, apart for over 40 ... Sue died 11 years ago. Clergyman was missionary colleague, he and wife had an apartment in same house as I a few years earlier. He died, after dealing with dementia, nearly 10 years ago, we'd stayed in contact occasionally. His wife was matron of honour, they'd lived in a city 50 miles away after retirement - son has been a guest in their home while working for a few days in their area. Some time after Don's death, Alice moved to Calgary to be near her daughter and died three or four years ago. Both are buried in Korea. Best man was a missionary doc, retired to the east coast, we were in contact occasionally, had not met them in years and he died several years ago. Guests were pretty well all missionaries, several of whom I've contacted occasionally; some Korean colleagues, not much contact with them. ole joyful...See Moregellchom
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