Should married couples be split up in a wedding party???
macy
18 years ago
Featured Answer
Comments (56)
talley_sue_nyc
18 years agowillierod1834_aol_com
13 years agoRelated Discussions
Strange Wedding Party question
Comments (35)Based on the info that the OP posted, I don't see any reason why she shouldn't have a gift registry at one or even 2 different stores. Based on the info provided, she is really going to host a wedding reception the day after her wedding, which is an immediate family attendance only. It may have been that originally gift registries where full of hugely expensive items of crystal, silver, and very costly place settings, but that was then not now. Why should there be a restriction on what should and should not be placed on a gift registry for a wedding? Why is it wrong to have a vegetable peeler or shower curtain or anything else? Many couples have set up gift registries at the local home depot or hardware store. Those stores have the type of merchandise that the couple would like to have for gifts. They may or may not be interested in fancy dishes, silverware etc. Isn't the idea of a gift to buy something that the recipient would like, not what you like or believe they recipient should like or want? Something that the OP posted in her second post really seems to have been missed by just about everyone that has posted. We do have basics, but most of all this is hand-me-downs that were give to us directly after Hurricane Katrina put 8 feet of water into our apartment. We have the bare bones, I guess you would say. Key words being basics, hand-me-downs. We have the bare bones, I guess you would say. given after Hurricane Katrina put 8 feet of water into our apartment This couple lost everything during a catastrophic hurricane. They have hand me downs they are using. building a new home instead of a huge fancy wedding. They don't sound like a couple that is looking for the fancy stuff of a traditional wedding registry, but rather the basics that are new and not "hand me downs." Things like new pots and pans, kitchen knives, bath towels, linens, a decent set of dishes, glasses. They sound like very, very practical young people and want to share their joy of getting married and having a new home with their friends and family. A practical couple will not be looking for the lenox crystal, waterford, etc. In today's economy, a registry of practical gifts, at practical prices, located at stores that sell items that won't break the bank for anyone is exactly what this couple should do. People today don't have a lot of free cash to spare, so being able to buy a practical item that is on a gift registry is wonderful for them. If the items are small and not costly, several items can be purchased by 1 person and made to look like quite a bit. I am not young either and I've been married for almost 34 years. I've never had the lenox or the waterford or any of the fancy sterling sliver nor have I ever wanted it, nor do either of my children or friends. I've been to quite a few weddings over the years, including several in the past 7 years. None of the gift registries had the fancy stuff on it, none of the couples, bride or groom wanted any of it. Yes, the cute stuff was on it, the veggie peelers, the knives, the shower curtain etc. and guests where hugely impressed with those items that where listed, the economic thoughts that went into the selections on the gift registries, and no one, young or old, ever thought that gift registries where cheap or shouldn't have had those items on it. In this economy, people don't know if they will have a job from one day to the next, be able to pay the bills or have a home to live in. Setting up gift registries for bridal showers, weddings and putting those old fashioned absurdly priced items on them is not the thing to do. These registries need to have the basics on them that a couple will need and want, not the fancy stuff. Unless one is thinking that they could pawn the gifts off somewhere and obtain cash for them. That's just my opinion and hope this couple does register for gifts and has a list that is practical and useful and forgets the fancy stuff that will probably never be used....See MoreFinances for married couples
Comments (16)This is absolutely a topic where each couple has to forge the method that works best for them. There is no one right answer, no wrong one--as LONG as the couple makes their method work. I personally feel extremely strongly that couples need to keep their money separate. DH and I have been married 37 years, have always had our own accounts, our separate investments, etc--and not once EVER have we fought over money (plenty of other things, but never money). After all, being married doesn't make you one person--you don't automatically merge and start using each other's clothes, shoes, jewelry, do you? Of course not. Most couples I know have separate cars--they may occasionally use each other's car, but for the most part, each drives one more than the other. There's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping finances separate. DH and I--while both frugal and very fiscally responsible--have differing investment preferences. I can't imagine having to balance a checkbook every month that's being used willy-nilly by 2 people--it's much simpler to each have your own. Aside from the convenience factor, every person, IMO--should absolutely have enough money put away, IN THEIR OWN name so they can get along for at least 6 months or so. Any number of different disasters can affect one's ability to access community funds. Death, a split, a partner who suddenly decides to empty the joint account, legal action, etc etc etc. I've known too many older women who let their husband's manage/control the family finances who, at the worst time of their lives had to deal with not only losing their husband and planning a funeral, but having also to try to find and understand all the various investments, insurances, savings, etc. When you manage your own money, all your life, you don't have that panic to go through. As to the person who couldn't understand nor agree with individuals wanting money that they could spend without accounting for it? Well, even in the best relationships, one may want to buy the other a special gift--without having to ask for, or justify using the money. To me, as I said above--money is exactly like shoes. It does NOT adversely affect a relationship if each person keeps their shoes and money separate from the other. In our case, I have been so effective at managing my money, that even though I havne't worked full time in over 28 years, I had enough money saved, to be able to buy--on my own--our retirement home 2 years ago, and maintain it financially. I'm proud that I was able to do that for my husband. And he has so much respect for my money managing ability that he recently received a sizable inheritance that he immediately handed to me, and told me to 'do what I wanted with it'--knowing full well, I will care and grow that money for our retirement years, as I have with all other money I've gotten my hands on in the past 4 decades. I'm not saying that our method is right for all (even though I do believe everyone needs some money of their own), but I do wish to illustrate that there are many, many different methods that couples can use, that may work for them. Lastly--I have to make this point--if you knew us, you'd agree that there are few people you know in life who are more married, more devoted to each other than my DH and I--keeping money separate is NOT a detriment to a good marriage, any more than dumping it together will insure one will never get a divorce. Every couple is different, and the more important thing is that the two of you work together, agree on how you will manage money, and then follow through responsibly....See MoreAny childless by choice married couples out there?
Comments (106)Soooooo happy I found this post. I just got off the phone with my mother after a heated argument about my long-standing decision not to have children. Actually, it was just a repeat of the same argument we've been having for *years*. I'm confident in my decision, but I often feel like I'm the only 31-year-old woman in my area code who does not want children. I know there are others out there, but they are completely absent from my current sphere of influence. It gives me such peace to hear that many of my opinions/positions/frustrations/etc on the matter are shared by other reasonable, conscientious, and (seemingly :)) well-adjusted people. For me, the CBC decision sprang from deeply rooted environmental concerns. That angle never works with anyone I know, so I usually defend myself by employing the standard "we're not thinking about that right now", "we might adopt at some point in the future" and/or "we don't think we'd make good parents" non-committal-type responses. This post has armed me with so many great arguing points, I'm tempted to call my mother back. She, too, loves the "childless people are selfish" argument. I always counter with the notion that, if all childless people possess that character flaw, perhaps their reluctance to bear offspring serves a greater societal purpose. Selfish people would most likely be crappy parents. I don't feel as though I'm selfish, nor do I think my friends and family regard me as such. I imagine if I *had* to raise a child I would be at best, an average parent. If Mom's postulate is true, and I am innately selfish, I thinks it comes from the belief that I would be a far more creative, useful person without children in my life-- as would most people, if they were really honest with themselves....See MoreIf we were single, we'd marry our steam oven
Comments (21)Oh gosh I am so sorry I posted and then disappeared for a week. Ok lets see and thanks for all the responses I'll try to answer all questions best I can! I'll give verbal answers and then try to work out getting pictures posted sometime in the next day or so. Steam Oven info: The steam oven requires a single cold water plumbing line into the oven. So actually very simple, although its a lot easier when you are doing a new build than a remodel (a crawl space would probably help ease remodel pains.) No drain required! I can't tell you a cost because it was buried in our overall plumbing bid, sorry. I DID have to remind both the plumber and builder about 15 times to plumb it tho even though we noted it specially in the plans. Just not on their usual list of to dos. On the reliability front, we read and read and read and concluded (with some level of uncertainty still) that Kitchenaid had finally replaced the component that was burning out during the clean cycle of their ovens and that if you bought a new one, you should be ok. BUT we haven't dared run the clean cycle yet :-) and I still felt guilty buying their product when they had gone for years without admitting and fixing the problem. We bought an extended warranty for both the oven and for our GE Profile Fridge just in case. And we bought from a local well reputed appliance dealer who we felt would honor the lemon guarantee also. But we do use the oven almost daily with no problems 2 months in. As you'd hope! We paid $3200 for the single oven, which was a definite splurge, and cheaped out on some of the other appliances going the scratch and dent route with those. Advantium info: You have to switch from a metal tray to a glass tray when using microwave or oven. The trays have grooves and fairly easily catch on the metal turntable mechanism, and both trays easily wipe clean. We have a drawer under the oven in which we keep the tray not in use, and the stand you are supposed to add in to do broiling. So far, no one has forgotten to switch the trays, and the oven gives you a digital reminder when you set the cooking times to use the metal or glass tray. If you were only to buy this one oven, I'd be sure and get the 120 which has a larger size interior than the 240. Read through the dimension info carefully. This one was a craigslist buy, about half retail, you find them regularly on craigslist and ebay. We also got our gas cooktop (Dacor 5 burner) off ebay, one third retail. This one was a lower risk, since there is so little that can go wrong with a gas cooktop mechanically. Island info: Upper counter is 4'6 across and 8' long. The long side is fine, the 4'6 width is insane. The upper counter is 43" off the floor so to start with, if I'm standing on the floor I can reach about 2' of the 4'6. Even if I lean out while standing on the stool, I can't come close to the far edge. I think we should have held it to about 3' deep. On top of that width, there is another 2'5" of lower counter width which holds our cooktop and funny caboose sink/wet bar. So when standing at the stove, I can only just barely reach the edge of the higher counter to put something up there, and then its too far away for anyone to reach from the other side. However it does hold a LOT of junk. notebooks and scanners and mail and coupon clippings and pan lids and the dog treat jar.... you get the idea. (slobs? us? oooops.) There is also a lower counter on the backside which is the cutting and food prep areas wrapping around from the cooktop side. Imagine an L shaped lower counter wrapping two sides of the higher counter. The backside lower counter is where the cutting board is with the bins, and that section is actually another couple of inches lower than the rest of the L. So we have three counter heights on the island, 43" height eating/piling things surface, then 36" height with a corner "wet" bar, a cooktop, a prep area with the advantium below, and then a 30" height butcher block. The pics will come next. thanks for your patience. I hope this made sense so far....See Moregellchom
13 years agoLuAnn_in_PA
13 years agonancylouise5me
13 years agogellchom
13 years agopiranha20112011
11 years agocolleenoz
11 years agonancylouise5me
11 years agogellchom
11 years agoKaren10125
11 years agoeandhl
11 years agogellchom
11 years agokingofraz
8 years agolast modified: 8 years agocolleenoz
8 years agotfitz1006
8 years agogellchom
8 years agolast modified: 8 years agokitasei
8 years agoTim N Nita Edwards
8 years agocolleenoz
8 years agogellchom
8 years agoSheena Rivers
8 years agogellchom
8 years agoKATHY
8 years agoShelly Lynn
7 years agolast modified: 7 years agoarcy_gw
7 years agoRachel Baksa
7 years agolast modified: 7 years agoKATHY
7 years agocolleenoz
7 years agoc t
7 years agoChris Hysell
7 years agolast modified: 7 years agogellchom
7 years agoZenobia White
6 years agogellchom
6 years agoZenobia White
6 years agolast modified: 6 years agogellchom
6 years agogellchom
5 years agonancylouise5me
5 years agogellchom
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agogellchom
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agonancylouise5me
5 years agogellchom
5 years agosushipup1
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agogellchom
5 years agoHU-611770167
2 years agolast modified: 2 years agocolleenoz
last yeargellchom
last yearlast modified: last yearSuzieque
last yearlast modified: last yearc t
last year
Related Stories
LIVING ROOMSRoom of the Day: Living Room Decor Marries a Couple’s Individual Tastes
She likes Southern sophisticated; he likes modern. See how a designer combines their favorite styles in this Atlanta space
Full StoryWEDDINGSHow One Couple Got a Perfectly Intimate Backyard Wedding
Vintage pieces, natural materials and close family and friends are an ideal combination for a Pittsburgh couple
Full StoryWEDDINGSSeattle Couple Restyles Their Home for a Wedding
Duo behind Reinspired Home invest in their house rather than a rented wedding venue
Full StorySHOP HOUZZHouzz Products: Great Wedding Gifts for Modern Couples
Give newlyweds a gift as memorable as the day itself, to have and to hold in a special place at home
Full StoryMY HOUZZHouzz TV: A Couple’s Garage Becomes Their Chic New Home
Portland, Oregon, homeowners find freedom in a city-approved garage home with DIY industrial flair
Full StoryKITCHEN OF THE WEEKKitchen of the Week: Marrying Past and Present in Los Angeles
Something old, something new and all the rest make for a happy kitchen union in a tony L.A. neighborhood
Full StoryLIFEWhen Your Tastes Clash: How to Design and Decorate as a Couple
Want to keep the peace? Work with both of your styles when remodeling, decorating or building new, for a home that feels right to all
Full StoryMY HOUZZMy Houzz: Once-Bare Seattle Yard Now Fit for a Wedding
DIY patience pays off for an interior designer and a contractor who transformed their landscape for the party of their lives
Full StoryPRODUCT PICKSGuest Picks: Wedding Gifts They’ll Cherish
Let someone else buy the blender. These are wedding gifts the happy couple will really love to have and to hold
Full StoryWEDDINGSHouzz Call: Show Us Your Backyard Wedding!
Did you say ‘I do’ at home? We want to hear and see everything about it. Share your photos and you could be featured in an upcoming ideabook
Full StorySponsored
gellchom