Buyer Beware> I have bought items from Goodwill off and on for the past few years. We didn't have a store close by. One thing you need to check is the outrageous shipping charges and handling charges. I saw a lovely metal vintage style tea pot I would love to have....bid 3.00 reasonable............shipping 10.00........handling.....2.00. Hmmmmmmmmmm tea pot not so attractive at 15.00 and that's if you get it for the 3.00 bid. I love looking thru all the items Goodwill has but some of their shipping rates are way out of line. All these items are donated and I know for a fact it doesn't cost 10.00 to ship one tea pot. Don't want to rain on your parade just want to make you aware. I also bounce between goodwill and ebay and yes I am a wicked sniper...............LOL Does anyone remember Andy's Warehouse Auction? It was run by Fingerhut no less..........oooooooooh the bargains I got there and their shipping was reasonable. How i miss them. There were a couple others but I don't remember the names. Sigh! Hmmmmmmmmm maybe I should google. Then there's freecycle.............I can't begin to tell you all the goodies I have gotten off there. Ok so I belong to 5 different ones.............:) I subscribe to all that are within a 50 mile radius and try to pick up two or more items on one trip if possible. Anybody watch the Junk Brothers? Boy would I like to find some of the loot they find. And that Workshop............ ChelCass

Aharriedmom As to a "rigidgarden plan " What worked for me is to get old and sickly followed by being unable to pass through the shadehouse or to walk from the back door to the property line without "jungle" gear lol Really bad was the orchids and palms,particularly those I grow on other peoples property lol i divided my property into zones such as ferns/palms/orchids/ triopical flowering/ fruit trees/water gardens etc. Used "similar care as a guideline on what goes where . have disposed of all large trees/ tall/fast growing palms and those that need frequent pruning. all plants in the front yard were reduced to easy care shrub border and grass and hired a lawn co. for maintenence . gave me a special price since there's nothing to mow around . Still have a long way to go but can see much progress as a form is emerging best of all have reduced maintenence by half and the plants went to people who appreciate their beauty As to "temptation" lol DONOT attend the Fairchild ramble they had 1300 vendors and over 13000 specimens at the last show . Another is the World Orchid Conference . 80,000 orchids in full flower !! lol had cutting offset tables over 20 feet long!! Had over 500 vendors from at least 20 countries with prices from two bucks to 1500. lol gary

....My discussion of this topic from an earlier post. My compulsive spending was mainly due to... 1) Lack of real self worth. I was constantly trying to buy self worth and happiness. Wanted to live the rich life, could not afford it and was defiant about it and resorted to "forcing" things. Also was envious and jealous of almost everyone. Was out to "show them" and "out do" them. Whenever you think about outdoing others, think about what road your on? Having a big ego and an excessive amount of pride are big factors too. Had little acceptance or gratitude. Now I get my self worth from living within my means, comfortably fitting within my space and gratefully accepting my current position in life...one day at a time. 2) Did not want to face the issues in my life. I used spending, debt, clutter and other addictions to "occupy" my time. Per an article in the WSJ regarding famous con man Ponzi: "When a mans mind is concentrated, he is blind." It turned out to be a death spiral as I always needed to generate more drama and sickness to occupy my mind from dealing with the past problems. Was blind to it all until I stopped debting, spending and participating on many other addictions and started to recover. Study the Virtue theory of the ancient philosophers. It details how we get this way and our whole lives start to revolve around dealing with the problems we have created for ourselves. Restructuring my life got me back to sanity, although it has taken 8 years of hard work to get there. It didn't happen overnight and takes constant diligence to keep me there. 3) Self sabotage due to many irregularities, falsehoods, lies that was my life. I lived a very unbalanced life and was out to consciously and subconsciously ruin my life. Being dishonest was the foundation of most of my troubles. Once I started with the 12 steps, debt recovery, did some inventory work, developed grateful acceptance. I had too many complexities in my life and worked on living a simpler life through the Voluntary Simplicity movement. Inventory work identifies all these past spiritual problems and gets them off your back when you give them away. No one is perfect, we have to continue to take inventory work as long as we live. 4) Another reason for my spending is pleasure; it just feels good to buy stuff. If it feels good, I over do it to excess until it becomes painful. I think this is a big area of why we spend. It is just enjoyable and we have a hard time controlling it. Personally, I'm an excessive pleasure seeker and use pleasure to escape stress and unhappiness. I needed to find pleasure in more healthy and positive areas than spending as a hobby. Spending produces pleasure chemicals in the brain and I was hooked on this drug fix. Only trouble was it lasted a day or two and I need more spending to keep me high. This led to debt, clutter and self loathing and I was headed in a death spiral. "Maybe the next purchase would make it all better for me?" This was my only hope in life. I had nothing to look forward to other than what to buy next. 5) Greed, plain and simple. I am very greedy and suffer from what I call "The Big Eye's" syndrome. Nothing is ever enough. I want it all. I want to buy everything that catches my eye. I want to eat all the food I come across, I want every woman that I lust after, and on and on with all the addictions. I have no natural means on my own to know when I am full or have enough of a thing without the help of the program. Practicing a program of grateful acceptance as well as being more generous with others and less selfish helped counteract my greedy tendencies. 6) Bordeom Did not have anything else to do with my time, so I shopped. An old post on "Positive Time Fillers" Developing a list of positive time fillers was a big help with my addictions. As Thoreau wrote in Walden , "The devil finds work for idle hands." Before heading in this new direction, most of my time was occupied by what to buy next, overeating rich foods and getting fat and when I wanted a break from that I had a picnic basket of other addictive areas to get drugged up with. Most of my new activities are sport or movement related as they also serve the purposes of helping with my overeating disease and have the added benefit of improved health and don't produce clutter like some hobbies do. In addition they help with depression, balance and equilibrium and brain functioning. Now, keeping busy is not the cure all for addicts, but it is a necessary foundational pillar. Other areas of importance are those activities that relax our minds or stimulate them for healthy growth potential. Bottom line: is the activity pleasing to us, healthy, nurturing and sustainable? You can also use the SCA guidelines for any questions about the activity: is the activity placing unreasonable demands on my time and energy, will it place me in legal jeopardy or endanger my mental, physical or spiritual health? Remember, as Jack LaLane said, exercise and eating healthy, natural foods are the King and Queen of good health. If you hate to move and hate to eat well, then do as he also said; "I developed a liking for things that are good for me." Now I have much to look forward to in life for activities or rewards that are not destructive and are sustainable. Activities to occupy yourself that don't revolve around spending, eating, gambling, drugs or alcohol or other addictive areas only go so far in recovery though. You also have to be careful to take time to relax and not escape life through activity. Horace wrote, "Caelum non animum mutant qui trans mare currunt--You can run away as far as you like but you'll never get away from yourself." 12 Step work, reducing stress, repairing the wreckage of the past and living a balanced life all contribute to heading in the right recovery direction. I've enclosed a few of some of my activities below for your perusal. Also be careful you don't find another excuse to compulsively spend with each new activity or sport you take up. That is something I have to watch. For instance. If you take up rollerblading, you buy one pair of skates and one set or protective gear, etc. You don't buy 5 pairs of skates 5 different skate bags and 8 sets of skate clothes, in all colors for each day of the week plus one extra for holidays. If you want different skates, you sell the old pair and then buy a different set. Everything is on a "one in ~ one out" basis to avoid compulsive spending, stockpiling and clutter. Partial List of My Positive Time Filling Activities: Hiking, Mountain Bike, Climbing Gym and Rock Climbing, Basketball, Rollerblading, Trail Running, Jet Skiing, Racquetball, Swim, Sun Bath, Fishing, Canoeing, Skateboarding, Weight Training, Target Shooting, Camping, Jogging, Kayaking, Motorcycle, Snowshoe, Downhill Skiing, XC Skiing, Yoga, Massage, Meditation, Dirt Bike, Free Lectures and Movies at a Local University, Snow Tubing, Snorkeling / Scuba, Napping or Relaxing in a Hammock, Bar B Q, Picnics, Library, Spiritual Studies, Free Musical Events and Concerts, Church Services, Scenic Seasonal Car Trips, Travel. Exercise and healthy eating are the king and queen of good health. They must also sit on a thrown of low stress living. I hope you make the king and queen part of your life. Here is a small snip from Psychotherapy Toady regarding the benefits of exercise with addiction. Why does exercise have such an impact on the emotional brain? Naturally, there is, first of all, its effect on endorphins. These tiny molecules secreted by the brain resemble opium and its derivatives, such as morphine and heroin. The emotional brain contains many receptors for endorphins, and that's why it is so sensitive to opium-it immediately radiates a sensation of well-being and satisfaction by hijacking one of the emotional brain's own intrinsic mechanisms. Opium has a powerful effect on emotions-in fact, it's the strongest known antidote to the pangs of separation and mourning. However, when derivatives of opium are used too often, they can become habit forming. Brain receptors become inured to them, so the dose must be systematically increased in order to produce the same effect. Moreover, because the receptors become less and less sensitive, regular pleasures lose all their power and potency-including sex, the pleasure of which is often reduced in drug addicts. The secretion of endorphins brought on by physical exercise does exactly the opposite. The more the natural mechanism of pleasure is gently stimulated by exercise, the more sensitive the mechanism itself becomes. In addition to relishing sex and life's other big pleasures, people who exercise regularly actually get more pleasure out of the little things in life: their friendships, their cats, their meals, their hobbies, or even the smiles of passersby in the street. Essentially, it becomes easier for them to be satisfied, And in fact, the experience of pleasure is just the opposite of depression. Depression is defined, above all, by the absence of pleasure, more so than by sadness, which is probably the reason why the release of endorphins has such a potent antidepressant and anxiolytic effect. Stimulating the emotional brain by exercise also kindles the immune system. It promotes the proliferation of "natural killer" cells, making them more aggressive against infections and cancer cells. The opposite effect occurs with heroin addicts, whose immunedefenses collapse, often causing them to become gravely ill. Exercise may also strengthen another physiological mechanism related to emotional health. This mechanism involves what we have already learned about heart rate variability. "'People who exercise regularly show a greater variability in heart rate and more coherence than people who do not. This means that their parasympathetic system, the physiological "brake" that brings on periods of calm, is healthier and stronger. A good balance between the two branches of the autonomic nervous system is one of the best potential antidotes to anxiety and panic attacks. All the symptoms of anxiety start with an overactive sympathetic system, a dry mouth, accelerated heartbeat, sweating, trembling, a rise in blood pressure. The sympathetic and parasympathetic systems are always in opposition. Thus, the more stimulation the parasympathetic branch receives, the stronger it becomes-like a developing muscle.

Candler, another suggestion would be to plant in half whiskey barrels. My father used to do that and he enjoyed quite a harvest of vegetables, plus it was raised so he didn't have to bend over. I'm thinking about doing that myself. It's getting harder and harder to get down on the ground. I have a bench that when inverted acts as a kneeler with handles so I can get up and down a bit easier. I like it, but I tend to "lose" myself in gardening and before I know it, it's across the yard and I've scooted myself several feet or yards away. LOL! Gurley - I don't know all your names yet, so forgive me - I can so relate to your experience with the ex. Mine was a lawyer who thought he was God's gift. But, I was so afraid of giving up the relationship and being on my own. Now that I am, I cherish it, and would not be willing to compromise my life with anyone else, I don't think. The thought is rather scary. I am rather a isolationist, preferring my own company, and that of my daughter and granddaughter over other people. Most people do not maintain the same likes and dislikes that I do, and while I'm willing to give a bit in friendship, most of my friends I had at work, were so unlike me that I had a difficult time finding a common ground. A lot of women my age are still searching for the proverbial "rainbow relationship" with a man, and when they find someone to date, they brush off their friends like dandruff only to come crying back a short time later with their pitiful stories of "woe is me". I want to shake them and say, "what did you think? That they were going to fulfill all your fantasies of what a relationship is about?" Rarely do they get to know anyone in depth before they are into a physical relationship, not knowing anything significant about the other person. I guess what I'm trying to say is find a companion first, someone you enjoy talking with, being with, listening to, and that you have similar beliefs, values, etc. - BEFORE you get into that physical relationship. It's a whole lot less heartache, and you may get a valuable friendship if not a significant other, at the very least. Investing emotionally through physicality is going to bite you in the rear every time. But, so far, I haven't found any women or men who are interested in my theories of what a relationship is all about. So, I tend to stay in my comfort zone, which is my home and my yard. Relationships are a lot like a garden. You have to prepare it first by "building" the soil; then you plant a few things to see how they do, tend them, fertilize them, prune them, watch them grow, and then you might get a bit more adventuresome with some plants and see how they do, and before long you have something long-lasting - and you haven't had to get into hybridizing or cross-pollinization yet! LOL! Sorry to get so long-winded. Peace and serenity is what I most seek now in life. Not the roller coaster rides I used to be able to tolerate in my younger days. Candler, I had something similar, called an arteriovenous malformation in my brain, but they caught it before it bled and were able to repair it through a procedure called an endovascular embolization (using a catheter through the femoral artery). I was lucky. But, I still have a dent in my head from when I fell off a swingset at age 5, and had to have stitches in my head. Maybe we should all go for the Brittany look. Tee hee! Sure am enjoying my latte this morning! Susan