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lovehadley

Ok, help me out here...how would you define 'reasonable contact?'

lovehadley
14 years ago

BM is at it again.

SS has ALWAYS talked to his mom or his dad via phone for a bedtime call. DH will either call him or wait for SS to call him when he's with his mom; BM does the same when he is with us. It's about a 3-5 minute " how was your day, oh that's fun, I miss you, goodnight, love you" phone call.

So he talks to BM AT LEAST that once a day when he's with us. She usually calls in the evening around dinner-time, as well, wanting to talk to SS, and DH obliges. She very often calls in the morning as well.

I should say now---she only calls DH's cell. We have a home line but it's through the computer and we NEVER use it. I don't even know the #!!! And honestly, even if we did use a home line, THAT is NOT a number I would want BM having! I don't want to come home to nasty messages from her, nor do I want our phone ringing off the hook with her calling, which is what would happen.

She (obviously) does not have my cell, as I changed my number after the April incident. Even after my RO expires in the spring, BM will never have my number again. There is no need for her to have it.

So on weekends, I have SS with me on Saturdays from about 9-4 pm before DH gets home. So BM cannot talk to him during that time period, but it's fine because I'm always out doing stuff with the kids, anyway. Then during the week on our days, I pick SS up from school at 3:30 and DH is home around 5-6 pm. BM, again, cannot talk to him during those couple hours.

On *average* I would say she talks to him about 2-3 times a day. She usually calls DH's cell in the early AM before school and then again around 5-6 pm and then again before bed.

DH calls ONCE per day (at night) when SS is with BM, unless there is some special occasion/reason to call.

Well, anyway, the kids are on winter break and BM flipped out today b/c SS has been with me today, will be tomorrow, and Thursday as well. DH didn't go into work until 11 AM today, and was home at 6 pm. Apparently, BM called him in the afternoon and went off on him about how she should be able to get a hold of HER SON any time she wants, blah blah. Long story, she ended up calling our local police dept. and said that DH was "witholding contact" for her. So get this---the officer CALLED my DH to see what could be "done to resolve the situation." DH told him the background and honestly, the police officer was less than helpful. He told DH that BM should be able to talk to her son when she wants, and we should consider getting him a phone line for his room (?????) or lettting him have the cell phone BM wants him to have. DH explained the situation in further detail, about her drinking, false child abuse allegations, etc. and explained that we don't really feel she needs 24-7 access to SS or our home in general.

The officer just said he thought only 1 call a day was "unreasonable." DH tried to explain that MOST DAYS, SS DOES talk to his mom multiple times! But that there are RARER occasions when DH works a long day, gets home late, etc. when it IS only once.

I guess the officer told BM to take DH to court if she feels it's unacceptable, and BM told DH she will. DH said fine, do what you have to do. The officer also told DH it's not fair that SS is being punished b/c his mom has a restraining order. BUT SS is NOT being punished! HE NEVER ASKS to talk to her or call her! EVER. If HE were the one upset and saying "I miss my mom, I need to talk to her" then OF COURSE we would rectify the situation. We WOULD get him a cell or something. But that's not the case! It's BM wanting to be able to call any time she wants and honestly---you know what? It has NOTHING to do with her son! If DH called her and said "I'm taking SS hiking today, we will be gone for 8 hours and will be inaccesible by phone" she would have NO PROBLEM with it. She would like the father/son time. It is only the fact that a) she "can't" call and b) SS is with me.

WHAT IS REASONABLE CONTACT???? How would a court/judge define it?

I highly doubt she will take this anywhere...but....

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