Vent - Invisible Around Child
Mick Mick
15 years ago
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silversword
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoliesbeth
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Lawn mower accident with my Child
Comments (29)Elizabeth girl, you know if I could I'd be right there with you... You hang in there all will be fine. You are a strong willed person and you will make it through all of this. Glad it is looking up on baby's toe, I know how worried you were about that. I figured you were too busy to call and I was right, forgot you got the new house. Good luck with the move, sorry it is such a crazy time for you, but I know you well enough to know you will make it through all of this no matter how trying it feels. Don't lose hope, and don't let your self get down in the dumps over the move and David's appointments. Take one day at a time and if a box doesn't get cleaned out today then there is always tomorrow, or even next week. And ask for help! Don't let yourself get overwhelmed when you can get help. You have many thoughts and prays with you at this time. Take a deep breathe, get a Mt. Dew, sit down relax,or better yet go take a nap! You need to get some rest, it won't do anyone any good if you burnout trying to do it all all on your own. Happy belated Birthday, and remember you are only as old as you feel! Best wishes for you and yours! Call me when you get a new number! Fran...See MoreCalling Invisible Women
Comments (27)You're right, all of you, and thanks for the reality checks and the very good advice. I have a great husband of going on 30 years who loves me and treats me wonderfully . . . and whom I adore. I'm healthy and that's what really counts. I think it was just the VS store that got to me yesterday. They're having their BIG semi-annual sale this week and the place was filled with young women in their late teens, twenties and thirties. And I was invisible to them . . . or they looked at me and knew I had to be there with my daughter and not for myself. I actually felt self-conscious holding items for her while she searched for her Size 3 things.(Sigh) Even half of me is no longer a size 3 (LOL)! Lynn...See More''invisible'' chores
Comments (35)I need to learn to delegate. The kids are big enough to do more than I ask of them now. And DH needs to do more on week nights, cleaning up after dinner, etc. The kitchen really is invisible to him. Dirty dishes could be stacked to the ceiling with not a clean glass in the cabinet, and it would not occur to him to do a thing about it. Even if he can see that I'm busy with laundry, helping kids with homework, and cleaning a bathroom all at the same time. Drives me nuts. I do ask him to clean up the dishes, put away leftovers... he acts like he doesn't know how. "I don't know where you want the leftovers." Well, where would you look if you were hungry and looking for leftovers to eat? In a bowl in the frig! Doesn't matter how many times I ask, or how many conversations we have about how it makes me feel that I handled other tasks and kid issues to get them all to bed while he watched TV... and point out that he can see the TV from the kitchen sink... or that I'd have energy for (ahem) other things if I didn't have to do the dishes... Nothing changes. It's more exhausting to bring it up again than to just clean it up myself. We used to go round and round about putting laundry away. He must have thought fairies were going to come put folded clothes in his drawer and move hanging clothes from the laundry room to his closet. He'd get annoyed that he had to go to the laundry room to get his clothes b/c they weren't put away. I would point out to him that when he went to the laundry for *a* shirt, he should maybe bring them *all* so he doesn't have to do it again tomorrow!!! Hello!!! If it really mattered to you, you'd put them away. Sometimes I think what really matters to him is that I take care of him. I have four kids, not five. I put a stack of his clothes on his side of the bathroom counter, so he had to move them to shave, thinking he'd get the point. He MOVED them to my side. I put them back. That went on for several days until he just wore the clothes from that stack. Now I just don't care what the problem is. I've made my point enough times that while he doesn't do it himself, he doesn't expect me to do it for him. He just gets over the fact that it's not done. He is not stupid, really is quite smart about his job and technology and all things wired. I see him handle complicated issues for work and sort out disgruntled customer issues with supreme tact and competency. So I don't understand the lack of common sense when it comes to dishes and clothes. And he has no idea what time the kids need to be at school or what they eat for lunch or when a project is due. Whew. I needed to get that out. ;o) In the end, it does take both of us to get the jobs done. I do not mow, never in 16 years. I do only a small part of the bills/banking. We have to divide kid activities b/c we often have to have different kids in different places at the same time. He completely keeps track of #1 and #2's sport schedule, I keep track of #3 and #4, and we synchronize. Especially with the older ones, whose homework is harder, we divide that; he's the math go-to-person and I'm the reading/language/writing go-to. He keeps our computers running and updated and fixes anything I need. I even got him to take the volunteer job of webmaster for the PTA. (They have no idea the negotiating that took.) With me starting to work more, things are shifting. We're just have growing pains to get there. Now that I got that venting out, it's really not so bad. Some days he works harder, some days I work harder, but a household of growing kids is not a one person job, it would not get done if we weren't both doing a lot of invisible jobs....See MoreAdult child needs advice
Comments (26)All of you are starting to really anger me. Tracystoke with her post:"yawn ,yawn ,get out and about and sniff smells" is about as disrespectful and rude as it gets. The others nitpicking and thinking they have all the answers and solutions to secrecy's desperate cry for help. I understand that he gives reasons why he can't do certain things that are suggested to him. Why is he being accused of making excuses. I see cold heartless responses and "You are the problem" when met with lack of an instant "Eureka!!!" moment default everyday suggestions that really can not work in his situation. He has and told us he has been diagnosed. He has to battle a mental illness. He is depressed. His home situation is deplorable. Does everyone think he really is possibly lazy, or doesnt want to have a job or bother looking for one, etc. etc. etc.??? HELLOOOOOO! He is reaching out for advice and telling someone with his illness and home situation to go get a job, or stay with someone else, etc. just doesn't cut it. I am sure some of the people mean well. I myself am on disability, with a couple illnesses with no cure. By the way, I also have Narcolepsy. I am stuck in an abusive situation just to keep a roof over my head and not end up homeless. Secrecy, I have a couple suggestions, and will understand if you have difficulties with them. Just try your best. The first good thing you are doing for yourself is asking for help, and sticking to your guns and not dropping off this thread and giving up (at least to as far as I have read). You do sleep so much with depression, let alone any other problems with it. If you can, try to get on several different additional forums such as one for Mental health or depression, looking for work is an insane undertaking at this point in your life. Does everyone really think that if secrecy gets a job how can he actually function with the mental and physical state he is in? Number 1, try to get help with depression, maybe getting medications, help with how to COPE with your home situation. Number 2, try to get from Mental Health doctor a referral to a sleep center to get tested for Narcolepsy. If indeed diagnosed with that too, medicine will do wonders and get you in a regular sleep cycle. If you don't have it, then,you know depression is a big factor. I am not going to guess or diagnose, just adding on to what you have told us. If you try and work with Mental Health, (therapy/meds), learn to cope with home situation (for now, not forever),(through therapy and/or support forums) - ask the people at mental health if you can qualify for their housing. Most Mental Health facilities in just about every town in the US has rooms, group homes, apts. set up for their patients. if they don't, I know they have referrals to agencies that will help. I wish you the best of luck and many blessings for your recovery from the nightmare you have been living in. Do not give up! I have a list of how to help or not help people with chronic illness written by Not Done Living: DON�T assume because I look well that I feel well. Looks can be very deceiving. Many days I look great, but I feel terrible. DON�T tell me you know how I feel. No one knows how anyone else feels. Two people with the same disease may feel totally different. We all have varying thresholds of pain, and pain cannot be measured. DON�T tell me about your great-aunt GERTRUDE and her illness, and how well she managed in spite of it. I am not AUNT GERTRUDE, and I am doing my best. DON�T tell me, "It could be worse". Yes, it could be, but I don�t need to be reminded. DON�T decide what I am capable of doing. Chronic physical illness doesn�t affect the brain. Allow me to decide what activities I can participate in. There may be times I might make the wrong decision, and if I do, I�ll know it soon enough. DON�T be upset that you cannot ease my pain. It won�t do any good for both of us to be miserable. DON�T ask me how I feel unless you really want to know. You may hear a lot more than you are prepared to listen to. DON�T assume because I did a certain activity yesterday that I can do it today. Chronic illness and pain is ever-changing. DON�T tell me about the latest fad �cure�. I want to be cured more than anything, and if there is a legitimate cure out there, my doctor will let me know. DO learn everything you can about the disease. The more you know, the better equipped you will be to know what to expect. DO realize I am angry and frustrated with the disease, not with you. DO let me know you are available to help me when I ask. I�ll be grateful. DO offer me lots of hugs and encouragement. DO understand why I cancel plans at the last minute. I never know from one day to the next how I will feel. Chronic illness is like that. DO continue to invite me to all the activities. Just because I am not able to bike ride along with the gang does not mean I can�t meet you for the picnic at the end of the trail. Please let me decide � If I cancel activities, please do not stop inviting me. I do not deserve to be shut out or forgotten and left alone. Do not give up on my life, I have a hard time doing that myself....See Moreiloveexercise
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoMick Mick
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agofinedreams
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agodogdogcrazy
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agogellchom
15 years agolast modified: 9 years agoJacqui Bedingfield
7 years agocolleenoz
7 years agoTALIA Montes
3 years agocolleenoz
3 years agoKim Aves
3 years agolast modified: 3 years agoHU-366709212
3 years agolast modified: 3 years ago
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