Looking for custodial stepmothers
Vicky1975
11 years ago
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Vicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
For Step-Mothers Only
Comments (29)"steppin out" I can relate to your feelings of wishing you could have had everything with your significant other first. I'm only 22 and I know I don't know everything like a lot of other people my age think, but I know I have a good head on my shoulders. My boyfriend is 36 and has a 12 yr. old that he had (unplanned) when he was 23. We have our own baby on the way that wasn't planned either and there are a lot of things I wish could have been firsts for us but given the age difference that would have been difficult in any circumstance. However, I feel like because he's been through this once already there are many things he's not willing to do that he did the first time, like bending over backwards trying to make everything work. He and his ex got married because "it was the right thing to do" not because they were in love. 9 months after his son was born he learned that his wife never really wanted to get married and wish she had waited until after their son was born. That knowledge tore everything apart for my BF and they divorced and it's still costing him. So here I am, 22, a college graduate soon to have no health insurance and no promise of marriage even though it was something we talked about before I became pregnant. I feel like old events are haunting what we have and preventing progress. Now more than ever my BF is giving less discipline to an already spoiled and lazy kid. I wonder how things will play out once there is a new baby... The whole situation is scary and overwhelming and sometimes I feel like there is nothing I can do but just hope and pray that everything turns out ok and I'll have a real family and I won't be treated like the second priority. I'll always have my family that I grew up with that are extremely supportive and helpful but what I need is for my BF to step up and take into consideration that I need what he gave to the person that never wanted it from him in the first place. It's not fair that we can't choose who we love and what their past was and what happens to us. I wish I could have had the first experiences and the history. I wish I didn't have to feel like the evil step-mother to an ungrateful 12 yr. old or at least I wish I was older so that the upbringing that my mother gave me would have more of an affect because I know I'm going to be a great mom to my own child and I'll have many strong women in my life who will be able to provie me with great advice. But there's only so much you can do for a child that's not yours and doesn't respect you and there's only so far a limit you can force someone to be something you need them to be. I don't want a picture perfect life, I just want what I know I deserve; what every good, strong, level-headed woman who wants a life with their "Mr. Right" who messed up with their "Ms. Wrong." Why should we have to pay for the mistakes of others and the bitterness of step-children and ex-wives?...See MoreWhat is a (step)mother's place in the 'family'?
Comments (22)your entitled to your opinion and if you let your kid eat dessert for their meal (not before the meal) then I'm sure they'll nominate you for mother of the year!!! congratulations. I didn't discuss anything with the counselor. SD told the counselor about getting sick & the counselor told me (later, when I was picking up SD) that maybe the mayo was bad. and it's interesting how you don't answer the ACTUAL question but change it to fit your agenda. The entire question is: "It would be interesting to see what would happen if a step mom gave your kids ice cream for breakfast and let them cook something for themselves (which required using a can opener) and they came home sick and throwing up. I guess you would do nothing, it's not your place to even mention it?" and assuming your child is 7 or 8 years old. Not a teenager....See MoreHated Stepmother
Comments (14)I too have these issues with my DH children. He has 4 (1 from a first marriage) and 3 (from second marriage). The oldest and I get along fine even though we don't see eye to eye on everything, we still respect each other as people. She is 26 with 3 beautiful children of her own. Her mother (first wife) and I have even been at the same events (funerals, Christmas, Birthday parties etc.) and can be cordial to each other, even though we are both uncomfortable with the other. However the second biomom........Whew.....Sometimes I can't beleive what this woman has done. Her children WANTED to live with me and my husband, however I had no idea how damamged they were (and still are). My DH was even paying her child support even after we were awarded custody (based on the kids testimony). We never said anything bad about biomom, choosing instead to take the high road, let's face it the low road is way too crowded! However she and her family continue to berate us and call us names in front of the kids. I gave her kids everything, and I mean everything. They told us such horrible stories of abuse and neglect that I spent all my savings and income to fight for custody and keep up a household. (DH was laid off for 2 1/2 years and mom recieved half of his unemployment even though we had custody). More money for yet another lawyer. Biomom finally dropped kids off and didn't see them, try to contact them, nothing for 2 years and 3 months. At that time she inherited a large sum of money (not sure how much, but she spends with little reguard and doesn't work and isn't married), then boom she wants to see them again. At this time SS was 19 almost 20, didn't go to school (which I helped him fill out papers etc. he didn't understand, talked with admissions etc.), bought him 2 cars (he wrecked both and his dad's truck), paid his insurance, he didn't pay rent, gave him a computer and video games etc.. He never did a stitch of work around the house, refused to even pick up milk for us, tortured his sisters both mentally and physically. When I found out about him hitting his sisters it was the last straw, I told him he would have to leave. Within 2 month he was living with BIOmom again because him and his buddy couldn't make rent. The last car (that his aunt loaned him $2000 to buy)broke down and he traded it in for a newer model, he never paid his aunt back. He showed up for Christmas, the same year his grandfather passed (2 days before Christmas), but never showed for the funeral and had his mom call to say he didn't want to be pallbearer and that if DH came near the house she would have him arrested. That is the last we ever heard from him (that was two years ago). He was over 20 by this time. DH middle child from second marriage was trouble the entire time she lived with us (from 14). She never liked me or any other adult. She told everyone what a loon her mom was and how she starved her and how the biomom's boyfriend and the biomom would make out right in front of her and so many other stories, that were not only shocking but that I believed. I tried to make her life as normal as possible considering the situation, but it was never enough. I got her a cell phone, but it wasn't good enough, I bought her clothes, furniture, class rings, yearbooks, talked to school counselors etc. Nothing was ever good enough. She stole money and things (including the only good jewlery I had), she posted seductive pictures of herself on the internet, starved herself (she was overweight) until she made herself sick and her dad had to take her to the hospital (we had no insurance at that time),was having sex with her boyfriend in the house, doing drugs, drinking alot.........In short she was messed up. We took her to counseling but she refused to talk to anyone. We tried to talk to her but she would sit there and say nothing. She too was a slob (like her brother). Not just with her room etc. but everywhere she went she left a mess behind her. It wasn't just a mess but filth. Did I mention at this time my DH was in and out of the hospital for kidney stones, colon removal (he almost died and it was 6 months of recovery time). The entire time I was working 2 jobs, doing laundry, ensuring food etc. was in the house, along with all the extras that teenagers have. Ride me here, ride me there etc. In short I was a single mom to another woman's children and my own. Finally the disrespect from this girl was just too much. one month after she was 18, I told her to leave. She tried to break into my house 4 days later AFTER I had spoken to her biomom and said I would call her that evening for when they could come get her stuff (I had already given her a few boxes to get her through). I am at the doctors with my son (whose face was badley swollen from poison ivy) when I recieved a hysterical phone call from the youngest SD saying biomom and sister are trying to break into house. I call the police, while in route SD calls back screaming sister has broken in and is taken stuff out of house (which is in my name only, owned before marriage). Cops arrive, allow SD to take one bag out. Finally make arrangements and SD brings a sheriff, which was totally unneccessary but okay, if she wants to waste her money (which she recieved from the $800 graduation party DH and I threw for her). Haven't heard from her since, except when youngest SD brings holiday greetings from her. Sent her a card, nothing. At this point the ball is in her court. I have nothing to be sorry about with either of these kids. I was never anything but caring and provided for them the best I could. I don't regret trying to help these poor souls, but at some point one must watch out for one self and those you love. My only regret would to have been to allow their abuse of me and DH and my son to continue....See MoreNeed advice! Is my stepmother good or bad?
Comments (2)I did a search on motorcycle, and I landed here reading your post. I want to say to you it's better to have 2 moms than none. They all have good, bad, and selfish side. It could be a lot of worse if two of them were going through life changing at the same time...... do not feel sorry for yourself, everything happens for a reason-to make you a stronger person. You are getting your college education, and why not keep going to get your Master's degree, that could land you a good pay job, a PHD could be even better, with a Dr. next to your name. Just 3 more years of school for a Master's degree, you can do it. Be strong, forget about all the bad moments of your stepmom, clear it out your head, let it go with the wind, that's her problem not yours. Try to forgive her if you can. Your Life, your future is your focus right now, not hers, you have the power to change your life, you have the opportunity to make your life better, everything is in your own hands. Moving forward, looking ahead, you're very bright to get your education to archive skills, You're very lucky in many ways. One day at a time, one class at a time, you will get there.......study hard, really hard, you're building your future by getting all the good grades, there is nothing can stop you to have a bright future!...See Morejustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agopseudo_mom
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoimamommy
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyabber
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agomomof3_stepof1
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11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyabber
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoimamommy
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyabber
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyabber
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoimamommy
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyabber
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10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoShelby Welch
7 years ago
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