Looking for custodial stepmothers
Vicky1975
11 years ago
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Vicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Non -Custodial Mom, What more can I do?!
Comments (22)MIStepMom thanks, you hit it right on the nail, my emotions are poring out over this forum for some help, I seem to not be asking for advice on how to deal with vindictive people the right way, soooo many are only seeing stepmoms side of things, but you see that there are more sides than the primary custodial's side. "And for goodness sake, stop worrying about yourself so much" What I do worry about is what my child is seeing happening between my exhusband-stepmom and I. and how this is truly affecting him, I worry that them being so vindictive is hurting my child, just as much as my move away. They really do act like my 11 year old doesnt know how they conversate with me,they act like them doing this doesnt affect him, BECAUSE ,they say, they've never done it in front of him. Really though, my child is smarter than they give him credit for, as most children are in tune to family relations, even if they dont know what to say or do about it. I know stepmom doesnt like when I call for my son, because this is how it goes, I ask hi is **** there, she says no he's out with his dad, I say politely, would you have him call me when they get back, she says sarcastically IF HE WANTS TO. This is what I'm asking help on, I mean why does she have to be so NASTY, when my child is with me for the summer, I know how important it is to talk to your child, so when they call and our child is out playing or in the shower etc. I simply say, sure I'll tell him you called and have him call you back......whats so hard about this! This is what I have to deal with in many other topics with them to. I dont see why they have to do this, is this helping our child, is this a good thing for him, is this kind of arguing going to be better for my child on a day to day or week to week basis, should I move close to him? I see so many children out there who have parents who fight over them, and to be honest my son is in a better place then them, even though he has to miss seeing me more often in order to have this somewhat peace, between his parents. I only gave up the arguing and fighting over my child, I didnt give up my child. I would love to be in dads and stepmoms shoes. The way they complain all the time that I dont do enough, seems to me like there saying its been a hassle for them to raise my child on a day to day basis, rather then a privalege! One other true example of why I feel they only want money from me and not wish to include me in my childs life: dad initially pays for all medical and sports fees, then mails me the receipts and I reimburse him half back. So one day I get a copy of a soccer kick-a-thon PLEDGE SHEET (not an actual receipt)with a note asking me to reimburse him half of his pledge, which was a measly $5 ! It's not the amount of money that bothers me so, it's the fact that dad didnt even consider informing me of a soccer kick-a-thon and ask me to make a pledge for our son....I would of loved to been asked to participate in my childs pledge....instead I get told what and when Im to pay for something and then they use, come on its for your son, its the least you can do, its only $5. I never paid it to this day, because for the first thing I wasnt included, and the second they demanded it from me, like it was part of his soccer fees, which a pledge is not part of the registration-uniforms-and gear fees. How would you feel if your ex does these kind of things to you all the time?...See MoreTermoil: Refusal to be around StepMother
Comments (102)fac3, Maybe you should try thinking of it a different way. And I apologize in advance if anything that follows offends you, but you asked for everything, and and if this is the same woman he cheated with when you were 2... From what you've described it sounds possible your mom may have a mental disorder that she kept hidden until after they were married, and the woman he thought he married never actually existed. This generally holds true for narcissist, borderline, bipolar and other similar personality disorders. Do you "walk on eggshells" around your mother? If so, that's a strong indication and you may want to read up on these. Then met TOW, and maybe to them, it wasn't JUST an affair, but when he asked for a divorce, your mother refused maybe even threatening what she would do to him and how she would punish his children--and he believed her too! So for the sake of his children, he put aside his own personal desires and chose you over her, to protect and keep his children from harm. So he bore the brunt of your mom's fury himself, mostly in silence, but that would explain also why he confided in you with some of those inappropriate adult conversations--because he needed someone, and never really had a wife or anyone else and he felt very alone. His only joy in life for 20 years was YOU. When his loneliness became too great to bear, he also sought comfort in the arms of another woman, but that was just "comfort sex," shallow and unfulfilling. It's no excuse but it is THE REASON. After the rest of his children moved on and you were ready as well, absent any further need of protection, he felt that after 20 years of abuse, he could not see himself living that way, all alone with his tormenter for the rest of his life. He fulfilled his obligations, and after all that, didn't he deserve some happiness by finally being with someone he loved, and returned his love? This is no justification for cheating, but there is also a reason it is called FALLING in love, because that's what happens. We fall, and there's no way to stop ourselves. That's why it's better not to place yourself in the path of temptation. Maybe your dad and TOW fell in love those many long years ago, madly, desperately and hopelessly. When your dad chose you over her, she made some very bad choices as broken-hearted people tend to do. For all you know, at one time she may have had high standards and morals which your dad convinced her to set aside for him, promising he would take protect and care for her, and when he didn't she fell by the wayside, and went into a downward spiral. If your dad loved her, he should have protected her too! Instead now, he feels guilty for having abandoned her, the woman he never stopped loving, and is now extremely protective because he feels responsible--and that's because he IS responsible. His entire life has been one of obligations and responsibilities, and she is the one obligation he made that he didn't fulfill. Instead he left her out in the cold, all alone, to be made the subject of ridicule and abuse, he's regretted it ever since. He's not about to make that same mistake, ever again! And now the daughter who he loved deeply that he made this sacrifice for is the very one he must protect her from. Every single day, he is probably regretting he didn't leave your mom long ago--and maybe he should have! If he didn't love her, he should freed her to find love with someone else. We each only have 1 life, and none of us should live it trapped in a loveless marriage. He has obligated himself to her now voluntarily, and dedicated himself to sheilding and protecting her, just like he with you--only you have your own husband and in no further need of your dad's protection--she is now his primary responsibility. If you can't see how you are putting him in a very bad position by attempting to convince him to exclude his wife, then it might help to consider that even the most dispicable amount us, those who embody the very essence of evil, namely "sociopaths" and "psychopaths," are nice and even kind to those who care about and treat them well--and that doesn't take any effort whatsoever because that's in their own best interest. What separates them from the rest of us is that they lack the ability to EMPATHIZE--to truely place oneself in another's shoes to gain an awareness of their thoughts, emotions and behavior, even those you don't agree with and even those you find distressing until you find some way to relate and care about them, at least enough to be compassionate and considerate. It's what gives us the ability to "treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves" even people we don't like, even people who do things we feel are wrong. You are only seeing him as your father, and not the entire man as an individual human being, with all the same flaws and human weaknesses, along with the same emotions to be happy with a mate who is his alone to love and cherish, with whom he can enjoy the passions of intimate love, and find the place where he belongs and can call home. Even from what you've said, he never had that with your mom. But hey! I could be wrong, maybe your dad's a good person who made some mistakes and poor choices, or he's a dog! You can decide that for yourself, but if he's not going to change his mind, and you can't find some way to empathize and compromise to include her in some way, then the only resolution I can see is for you and your dad to go your separate ways. But I hope that's not going to happen....See MoreFinding it so hard to be a stepmother...
Comments (5)Chloe, everyone is correct that your husband is the problem. The SS also has the beginnings of some behaviour problems, that will get worse as he gets older. Unless you make some big changes, this situation is going to deteriorate as your SS gets bigger and more uncontrollable, and your husband gets more accustomed to ignoring your needs and those of his younger son. The only person that can control your destiny is you. Right now, you are allowing a child to abuse you and your husband to mistreat you. You need to find out why you are letting this happen to you. I recommend that you get some counselling so that you you can explore whether or not your husband is willing and able to treat you appropriately. If you have any family or close friends, you also need to reach out to them for support at this time. This is not a situation of a little kid causing problems at your house. This is a problem in your marriage, and in your husband's ability to be a good partner and parent. It may be the case that he is not up to the task and you will need a strong support network to help you and your baby....See MoreStepparent custody and visitation
Comments (21)Ha. My Ex actually linked up with SM at a daycare where my children were going. He left me for her, and actually it was humorous to see her thinking she knew more about raising children than I did. He, after divorcing me, married her, and she was their stepmom. And actually I did see after I got over my anger that she was a pretty good person. Eleven years later she left my ex by moving in with and finally marrying his ex best friend. My Ex was livid, of course. Ha Ha. I could have used that to the hilt. It was sad to me to watch SM try to have a relationship with our children, and my Ex and now also her Ex also tried to stop that relationship with everything in his being. I was now the one who held all the power. I could have blown her out of the water. And you know what, many people told me here is the biatch who stole your husband pay her back. It was actually one of my daughters' friends who said to me, SM is really trying hard here, give her some slack. That statement made me think. And the friend was right. It did make sense. There was no reason why I should stand in the way of a relationship simply because my Ex moved on, or was forced to move on. I have been married to my second husband for 15 years now, a marriage that I think will go on until we die. My EX is now into his third marriage, and now what I say to my girls is this. Your dad's new wife is in fact your stepmother, but it isn't the same this time for you. They are 20 now. And yes first SM, and her mom and her dad and her sisters and all their children have special times with "my" kids, and none of them wanted to say goodbye. I say you are all more than welcome because that is what my girls want. Is it hard? You bet you it is hard. It is likely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But when you have kids it isn't about you anymore is it....See Morejustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
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11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
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11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
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11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
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11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
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10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoShelby Welch
6 years ago
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