Looking for custodial stepmothers
Vicky1975
11 years ago
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Vicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Step-Mother vs. Step-Daughter
Comments (5)Prior to DH and I getting married I had a wonderful relationshipp with my 10 year old SD. Her father is the custodial parent of her and three other children and has been since she was four years old - she has had an on again off again relationship with her mom since she left. I think that DSD was just as excited about our marriage as we were. We got married on December 15 and by Christmas she had declared an all out war against me trying to make sure that I understood her place in her dad's life. She did not like me sitting by him, kissing him (something she had seen plenty of times prior to our marriage) or being near him in any way. Everything was a struggle from who got to sit by him in the truck and at the dinnertable to her point blank asking him whom he loved the most. (He very diplomatically told her he loved us both the same amount for different reasons - NOT the answer she was looking for) We left for our honeymoon on December 26th and went to Disneyland taking all four of the kids with us and every single day and activity was a batttle for her dads attention. Sometimes I stepped back and let her have her time and others (like the time she insisted that he hold both of her hands, instead of one of each) I did not. She is a loving, sweet little girl that I love with all of my heart and I tried to place myself in her position and never battle back - just talk and explain and listen ans sometimes say "I'm sorry but this is the way that it is and this is the reason why." After just a couple of weeks she understood that I wasn't trying to take her place and she loved me again. Six weeks after getting married DH and I got a huge surprise and found out we were pregnant (while on the pill) We were thrilled, DSD was devastated and hysterical and again we just sat back and listened and explained and loved her and let her vent and sometimes rant and rave, and sometimes when she got out of hand we had to send her to her room to give her and us a moment to calm down and regroup. We knew we had to give her time and patience and understanding. Her dad never let her disrespect me in any way, and beleive me there were times I think she wanted me to go away and never come back, but she never said as much. It took her 4 months to accept the pregnancy and another month to admit she was happy - I am due November 7th and the first time she said anything about being excited about the baby was the fourth of July. I know for me sometimes it was hard not to get angry, and start telling her how she needed to be acting differently because of this and this and this, but then I would just remind myself how traumatizing all of these changes had to be for a child and would just sit back and bite my lips until the impulse passed. We now have the loving relationship (and friendship) that we had before and i am greatful everyday that I found the patience I needed to sit back and let her adjust. Hugs - Candy...See More'What have Stepfather's/Stepmother's learned?'
Comments (84)I'm a relatively new stepmom and have already encountered some problems. My stepson does like me, his counselor confirmed that, but he is jealous of my relationship with his father. My stepson has been putting my husband in a place where he feels he has to choose who he loves more. I say there is enough love to go around and I have told them that I would leave before I made my husband choose between me and his son. It came down to me talking about leaving last week because of my step son's behavior. He's not a bad kid, just young, confused my a messy custody fight and he's 10- which I understand is a rough time anyway. My husband was wonderful and took his son out to dinner for a heart to heart talk. We have been doing ok since then. I know it is going to be a bumpy ride, but I'm planning on fastening my seat belt because I have seen the positive. We have a wonderful game night every week, a nice Sunday tradition of church and lunch on the weekends we have him, and my stepson has wanted me there for important events in his life. I do see a lot of negative in this forum and there are times I could contribute to that, but in reality, I made a choice to be where I am so only I can make the choices that will allow me to be happy. If I didn't have the support of my husband, I would choose to leave and find someone who would be supportive. If I want to be happy, I need to make the choices that will allow my own happiness. What have I learned: I am learning that I need to make time for myself and do things for myself and my husband is supportive of that. So far I have learned that I am a team with my husband and we communicate about everything, even if it appears small and insignificant. I have learned that my husband and his son need some alone time (Just the two of them with no one else...I say that because we thought them doing boy scouts alone together was good, but through counseling we learned it needs to be just the two of them). I have learned patience and understanding. I have learned that frustration will come and go. I have learned that I don't know much and will learn something everyday to help me in the life I have chosen. I have also learned that negativity will only lead to more negativity so I try (even when things get bumpy) to be positive and know that this will pass. Something I have learned through my father's death and the problems I had at that time in my life...if you keep fighting for what you believe is right, things will work out the way they are suppose too and you will live through it and be the better person for it....See MoreFinding it so hard to be a stepmother...
Comments (5)Chloe, everyone is correct that your husband is the problem. The SS also has the beginnings of some behaviour problems, that will get worse as he gets older. Unless you make some big changes, this situation is going to deteriorate as your SS gets bigger and more uncontrollable, and your husband gets more accustomed to ignoring your needs and those of his younger son. The only person that can control your destiny is you. Right now, you are allowing a child to abuse you and your husband to mistreat you. You need to find out why you are letting this happen to you. I recommend that you get some counselling so that you you can explore whether or not your husband is willing and able to treat you appropriately. If you have any family or close friends, you also need to reach out to them for support at this time. This is not a situation of a little kid causing problems at your house. This is a problem in your marriage, and in your husband's ability to be a good partner and parent. It may be the case that he is not up to the task and you will need a strong support network to help you and your baby....See MoreStepmother is Disrespectful
Comments (10)You sound like a very bright and capable young woman. (With a quirky sense of humor - choosing "qwerty97" as your moniker.) I am going to disagree with your header. Your stepmother is not disrespectful, she is abusive. The longer you stay the more damage she will do to you and your brothers. I don't know the situation at your grandparents' but if it is even 1 millimeter better than what you're living with, go there. If you haven't looked into it, I'd also recommend Alateen, which is a nonprofit group devoted to helping children of alcoholic parents. They will help you develop coping strategies for your very difficult situation, because you have multiple challenges. People who grow up with alcoholism and abuse, as you have, often learn ways to "keep the peace" that damage who they are. You can survive this, but it means learning new ways to respond to your challenges. Aside from your grandparents, look for caring adults who can mentor you and provide a new support system - teachers, counselors, pastors, parents of friends - the more people you have in your corner the better off you are....See Morejustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agopseudo_mom
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoimamommy
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyabber
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
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11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
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11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoimamommy
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyabber
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyabber
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVicky1975
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoimamommy
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoyabber
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10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoShelby Welch
7 years ago
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