It's good to hear from you, and I'm glad the baby is doing well. I think you're going to be helping SS just by giving he and his mother some time apart, if things are that stressful for them right now. I was wondering if there is some sort of parenting class that you could maybe suggest that you all go to (so it's not so obviously directed at BM.) It could be that SS's behavior is that different at BM's, in which case she could probably use some tips in learning how to parent him (like PO1 said), or it could just be that her expectations/standards are higher than is going to work with SS. Are there any support groups for parents of kids with ADHD/bipolar near BM? If BM could get out to one (if there is one) that might help defuse the tensions a lot. I've noticed sometimes that if SS is doing something particularly aggravating, when I talk to someone about it, it ends up sounding silly and amusing and I feel so much better. Maybe that would work for her as well? What would happen if either you guys or SF worked with SS on a "secret" slightly longer-term project to surprise his mom with? Would SS be able to do that (with adult help)? I can see how it would be really frustrating to BM if she is not seeing any day to day improvement; would it help if SS could do/build/create/learn something new that BM had no part of until the grand unveiling? (Of course, you wouldn't want her to be completely in the dark about it, but parents are very good at being "surprised"!) BM would see the end result without having to handle the day to day struggle involved in the creation, and maybe that would help her and SS to see that he really can make progress. Sort of like when you're on a diet and nobody notices, until you see someone who hasn't seen you for a few months and they notice right away and tell you how great you look.

As we speak, I'm finishing up a paper that partially involves addressing "postfeminism" and the desire to "have it all" (defined, loosely, as romance + career + kids). The "postfeminist" stance would be that every woman not only CAN but SHOULD have it all (or else you are not 'complete' or 'super' enough as a woman). The staunch "Second Wave" feminist stance would be that this perception on the part of "postfeminists" is naive because they are wrong to think that all gender inequality is magically "over"; thus even striving to have it all is dumb and doomed. As for me, I consider myself a "Third Wave" feminist, so my personal view is kind of in the middle: Yes, it's very hard to "have it all", (especially if you don't have a lot of money) and that is in large part because of societal structures and differing gender expectations*; but we should keep trying, if "it all" is what we want, because we shouldn't have to choose when men don't have to choose. I think there are ways that society could be changed ---as well as individual personal decisions--- that could help us all (men and women) achieve and experience all that we want in this short life. But it takes cooperation. *Just finished reading an article by Maureen Dowd where she rightly points out the following GENERALIZED trends: -Most women, as they advance in their careers (and in their age), proportionately find their prospects for marriage and children going down. Married or not, busy professional or not, most women are expected to handle most of the "homemaking". As a result, most women find their lifestyle becoming more complicated, it being extremely difficult to juggle all three spheres (let alone friends, fashion and great hair!) -For men, the pattern is reversed: as they advance in their careers (and age is generally irrelevant), they find their prospects of marriage and children going UP. Especially if they are "busy professionals", they are not generally expected to take on too much of the "homemaking". As a result, their overall lifestyle improves. (And they don't spend much time worrying about fashion and great hair.) All that said... my boyfriend is a dream insofar as doing the majority of the cooking and cleaning while I have been working full-time and finishing my degree (and he works full-time, too). If the situation was reversed, I'd pick up more of the cooking & cleaning; in any event, the ideal is when both partners pull equal weight in all areas (but sometimes this has to be temporarily shuffled around). Not ready for kids yet, though! :)

Lol! I got the username from my old cat Tiger who was a Ginger Cat & the lettuce part, well from the catlettuce he used to throw up once in while & leave me on the floor-I know gross! My son used to always say "Mom!! Tiger left "catlettuce" on the floor!!" I'd post a pic (of me not the cat-lettuce) but not sure how?

Hi, This is my first time visiting this forum, and I am so happy to see so many others in great situations. My long term boyfriend and I are raising his two, teenage daughters, 13 and 17. We have all lived together in our house since July 2005 they were 9 and 12, the same year in Oct., their mother died from cervical cancer. I have always thought of his two daughters as my own, since I have never had bio-children. They are my kids, but they call me by my first name. My BF and his youngest daughter have not ever seen eye to eye, and hit a crescendo her 6th grade year when she FALSELY accused him of child abuse to school authorities. She has sooo many problems... pathological lier seems to rule. She and he have never been close, and her mother let her do ANYTHING she wanted from a very early age, due to behavioral problems. For the last two years, I have been basically the one who cares for her concerning 90% of parenting. The good thing is that she and I get along great. But, it feels like she does it to see what she can get out of me. I purchase all of their clothing, encourage them to try new things, to be their best. My BF has been a hands off dad now, afraid she will accuse him of other, more terrible things. CPS can RUIN your life. He and I are in the position of mandatory reporters and her false accusations have had far reaching ramifications, even if they do not have substantial evidence, you are GUILTY and go on the US list of child abusers and your name does NOT come off. We tried to fight it legally, $10,000 later, she went back to the school officials and said it was not true, which appeared to them, we coherst her to resending her accusation. Anyway....I'm sure the amount of care I am involved with my SDs day to day is evident-we talk about everything from how they feel about losing their Mom, to boys and friend problems. The youngest SD will, on big events in her life conveniently leaves me out. Not that she doesn't want me there, and I am. She blanks me out of being there in her mind. Her dad, her sisters, her Godparents-everyone will be included in her thank you, everyone, but me, because in her mind I wasn't there. I threw her a surprise Hawaiian birthday -pool party-sleep over. Got her the electric guitar she wanted, etc... I did not do this for her to feel in- debited to me. I wanted her to have fun and have something to remember, look back with fond memories. She thanked her 14 year old sister for doing everything. Examples as such fill my last three years with her. My mom tells me she will look back and realize. Her dad spoke to her once about how I seem to be invisible to her and she had no good answer. She just clammed up. I feel like I am being taken advantage of, but on the other hand, I really enjoy seeing their faces light up, no matter who does what. I just would like a thank you and know they appreciate what I do for them. How to approach/deal with these issues?? Help.