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Anyone like their Stepkids question....

Posted by june60 (My Page) on
Wed, Dec 22, 10 at 16:02

Read several replies on whether anyone liked their step-kids...that's a tricky one for me because I love them but do not like them most of the time, make sense? Mine are older and even though they tell their Dad I treat them better than their own mother, they treat me pretty bad. The stepson was really pretty good until he married someone like his sister and then he just doesn't have any sense about himself. He gets really mad over the silliest things with his Dad and doesn't call or return his Dad's calls unless he wants something. At least I know if he's calling there is something he wants. My step-daughter has always been like that. I felt pretty bad for their Dad until this year and then it dawned on me that he could change it if he wanted to. I don't appreciate anyone being nasty to me and their Dad has let that happen throughout the years. So I've lost a lot of respect for him because of this.
But, with this said, I still don't want anything to happen to them.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

I love my stepdaughter. She is FABULOUS. Super good sense of humor, really cute, really respectful.

We honestly get along great. And I credit her mom for her success as a little person.

(I know, it's too good to be true...)

But really, I couldn't ask for a cooler stepdaughter.


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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

june60 your message sounds like it could be me. i agree it hard to like them (adults now) after all they have done to me but i still would not want anything bad to happen to them


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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

"And I credit her mom for her success as a little person."

I believe how the parents parent, handle the divorce & remarriage of their ex, etc. determine a great deal of how they adjust & get along with stepparents. (Not always, they do have their own feelings but it can so easily be influenced by the parents) I credit BM for many (not all) of SD's problems. I feel bad for SD, I care about her because she is a child, I'd protect her & when I want to do nice things for her, I do it secretly so I can see her enjoy it. If she KNEW it came from me, she would reject it. Of course I don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I do not "like" the person she is becoming. What's ironic, she gets hurt, angry etc. at the things her mom does but then she does the SAME things her mom does, but doesn't get why it's a problem for anyone else.

I can't even imagine how it will be when she becomes an adult. My hope is that she will grow up/mature & things will change.


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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

June verbalized pretty much how I feel about my step situation also.
Well said.

Detaching has been my saving grace. Though I no longer wish to have a relationship (other than cordial) with them, I still would not wish anything unpleasant for them.
-Cat


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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

I agree with imamommy. Although I hate that my ex and his wife give me no credit. My DDs therapist gives me LOTS of credit bc when she started seeing DD, she expected to see some parental alienation out of DD caused by me and she said she has not seen one ounce of parental alienation. DD has NO clue what a deadbeat her dad had been. Therapist has said DD is very well adjusted and i get tons of compliments from teachers and other parents how sweet DD is and how respectful and caring she is. I have to give myself a huge pat on the back bc as much as I can't stand my ex and his wife, I always talk positive about them to DD.

My niece is a very disrespectful teenager and I lost a lot of respect for her this week. And my sister In law. She said 'i tell my mom if she prays everyday her husband (my brother and nieces dad) will get hotter' I said 'what God are you praying to?' she said 'obviously not the same one as you because it isn't working' and she pointed to my husband. So I was pissed. My sister in law came up to me later and said 'she is just a kid, she doesn't know what she is talking about' that's when I realized my sister in law has raised her brat daughter to be just like her. So I completely agree. It's how they are raised.


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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

I can't say I don't like my stepson he is a cold. But I can say there is definitely things that he do that I don't like. I have been with my husband 3 years married 1 and im the type of person all kids love, and I believe in what I do for mind imma do for yours. Honestly, now that I look at it, the first year of our relationship I did more for my stepson than his aunts, grandfather, hell even his father. Im talking about Easter outfit I made sure he had, 4th of July, me again, birthday me again, parties at school that was all m, back to school clothes, shoes, supplies, yeah you guessed it my hand still in the air. My family embraced him. My oldest son even babysat him during Christmas break atleast til he told my son that when his mother get out of prison she was going to stab me. Now my son refused to keep him after thar and honestly I couldn't blame him. I feel that he has done any and everything to break me and his father up, and unfortunately I feel that 3 years later it just might be working. Me and my husband just recently got a house and when stepson comes over he doesn't feel he has to speak. When I address it with his father he automatically jumps on the defense. I mean am I wrong to feel a certain way about this. While me and my husband are arguing he in the other room satisfied I guess. But the thing that really gets me is nobody got a problem with me when im spending my money on him. Now if I stop then somebody would have something to say. All im saying is respect me like you respect everybody else. And as a man, husband, and father you should make him respect me. Now I have kids and I don't tolerate them disrespecting my husband all I ask is the same thing. Am I asking for too much.


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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

I am in the same situation as Ima. I did my best to give them a great childhood, but they were usually sullen and rude. As they get older, people (including me) are less tolerant of their rudeness. No one even asks about them when they don't show up at social activities. It's too bad, but it's true.


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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

I had a really hard time at first with my SD. She really hated me but would act all nice to get me to do things for her . She would take advantage of my willingness to please her. Then she would have an attitude, lie to her BM about me and stir up trouble for her dad and I. Then when we had tried everything we could think of to express to her that we loved her, wanted to be there for her and have a healthy relationship she wouldn't have it. She only called when she wanted something and treated us like dirt. So we decided that until she could try to make things work and get over herself a little we wouldn't see her or have her out to the house. We wouldn't condone her using us only to turn around and disrespect us right after. She was 17-18 at the time and not living with us. After about 7 months went by and we didn't attend her dance recital or help her with prom her junior year, she then realized how much she wanted us in her life. She told she didn't like me and couldn't accept me. I told her that no matter how she felt about me it wouldn't change how much I cared about her. Things have been great ever since.


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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

No I don't like my stepkids. They were grown when I met my now husband. I specifically don't like how they treat their father at times, neglecting him, using him like a bank. And they are so blameless no matter what they do. It's remarkable and so irritating. I have no relationship with either one of them, particularly after last night's blow out with his daughter.


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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

I adore my stepchildren. I both love them and like them. They have been accepting and kind to me since we first met, before I married their Dad. They stood up for us at our wedding.


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RE: Anyone like their Stepkids question....

Hey, I don't even like my own sons. I love them and care what happens to them but I don't miss them. I do miss what they should have been, responsible adults that care about their Mom.


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