She's such a deadbeat!!!

13 years ago

Well, it never ceases to amaze me... I don't know why I am ever surprised by anything BM does! But, she always seems to one up herself.

Last night, DH got home from picking up SD & once SD was in bed, he tells me that BM asked him what she could get DGS for Christmas? SERIOUSLY??? Now, before anyone thinks "how nice of her"... let me say that she has avoided DH like the plague for WEEKS! She has not come out of her house for any of the exchanges since she was served to be in court last week. And I should remind that she ignored the summons & didn't go... the court issued a bench warrant for her arrest. Maybe she has no idea that there is a consequence to ignoring an order to appear? She sent DH a text message the day she was served, asking if he also served her attorney, so maybe she thinks he has to serve her attorney too. He doesn't. SHE is the one being summoned, not her attorney. (DH didn't know she had an attorney)

She hasn't paid a dime in child support since May (when they took her tax refund because she hadn't paid anything since she went on maternity leave in February) and she owes for medical bills for three years worth of copays. DH pays for the insurance. She doesn't buy her daughter a birthday present, doesn't buy her school clothes or gear, NOTHING!

But, she wants to buy a present for my grandson ~ whom she has never even met! I may sound ungrateful, but I'd much rather see her do something nice for her daughter for a change....

Comments (9)

parent_of_one
13 years ago
maybe she thinks if she buys something for DGS (like a cheap toy), DH will forgive her CS and medical bills. LOL

By the way my ex never paid any medical bills, it was assumed that if I am providing insurance I am paying co=pay. My co-pay is low so it was not worth arguing but isn't it funny how some NCPs think that kids do not cost any extra money.

Maybe BM also thinks because she keeps having new children, she shouldn't pay for her previous kids' upbringing. I bet you she'll tell a judge: but I am on maternity leave
and can't work.

So is she going to be arrested or not? what's happening?
imamommy
Original Author
13 years ago
There's a warrant, whether they go arrest her or not.. we'll see. It's a $5000 warrant so she'll sit in jail until she is brought back here to face the judge or it will cost her $500 to get a bail bond so she can be released.. but if she still doesn't show up, she goes back to jail.

I was telling DH that it's pretty sad that she'd probably spend the $500 to get out of jail but she won't send anything for her DD.

The medical bill issue isn't so much about the money.. it's more about her refusal to do anything at all for her kid. Some of the bills are $37.50 for the month.... but she'll take her dogs to the vet & I'm sure she spends lots of $$$ for them. It's the principle that she not only does not pay anything.. it's the turmoil she has put her daughter through, it's the $8000 lawyer bill that I am paying for the first trial (plus the additional $4500 owed for BS court stuff she's done since... demanding custody with allegations against me & my adult kids & then dropping it when it was going to cost her $6k) ~I've paid most of the attorney bill in trade by free work I do for this attorney & the rest was put on a credit card... it will probably take us years to pay our lawyer bill but she scoffs at $216 a month that would help pay for the extra's for SD that I currently pay for... yes, I still pay for a lot but have cut back quite a bit.
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I totally agree Kathline. My SD's mom does not blame my husband, she tells SD (and everyone who will listen) that DH is the nicest guy and would NEVER do any of this if I wasn't making him. In a way, she's right. DH is mild mannered and let things go and when we got together, BM would do things to mess with our life. She would find out we have plans for a weekend she has her daughter and call him at the last minute saying she can't keep her, can he take her PLEASE? He has never said no, so our plans would get ruined. I'd rearrange the weekend to include their daughter and when she'd go back and tell her mom we had fun, her mom would call and yell at DH that she doesn't want me to do this or that with her daughter, she is the mom, I am not. He would get all stressed out over her ranting phone calls and it caused tension between us. 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She either doesn't realize it or want to admit it to herself, that DH does what he wants to do. I can't 'force' him to go to court. I can't get him to take a day off from work for very much, he only took three days off for our honeymoon. But, he takes time off for court (for his daughter) and school things with no problem. (well, he does worry about losing too much time from work because he's on commission when BM doesn't show up for court or continues it, that annoys him) But, back to the point, BM blames the whole thing on me. My relationship is somewhat strained because her mom discusses everything with her (and in pseudo's case as well) but I have been thinking about taking some of TOS's advice, 'kids have the right to know the truth.' I know that if they do anything to BM, she will blame it on me. She already told SD that she can't come to her school because she HAS to go to a job interview. So, it is our fault she can't come to the school because if she didn't have to pay child support, she wouldn't have to go to a job interview and this is how she presents it to her daughter. So, should she be told the truth? Her mom needs to work to help BF pay for their house. Her mom and dad are responsible for buying her stuff, not me. If I don't buy it and mom isn't working, it means dad has to get another job and can't spend much time with her. or how about 'grown ups are supposed to work'. If she loses her license and blames me for not being able to see her daughter (which she will). Same if she goes to jail. She already has bad credit but she will certainly blame me for giving her bad credit. She already tells her it's my fault they have no money, she can't buy her things because I made daddy take her to court blah blah blah The way I see it, it doesn't matter what, she is going to blame me regardless. I don't think a parent should be allowed to get away with something because they are manipulative and place blame or responsibility for everything on everyone else. Maybe my husband should tell her that he'd be in jail if he didn't feed and clothe her. Maybe if she were in jail, SD would be upset about it but BM wouldn't be feeding her all the lies because she wouldn't have the opportunity. I don't want to see parents in jail for not supporting their kids, I'd like to see parents having pride in supporting their kids. and yes, my son's father has been in jail a few times and while most were for other reasons, he has been to jail at least once for non payment. He hasn't filed taxes in over 20 years and can't get a drivers license. (I think he has gone to jail for driving without a license and when he was arrested for no license, they found other things to charge him with) My daughter's father hasn't had a license so he also may have been arrested. I know he was in jail last year, but I don't know why. His daughter told my daughter on myspace that he was in jail but wouldn't say why but was angry at my daughter so I assume it might have to do with child support. I haven't been contacted but did start getting some payments soon after that. He's in another state and I haven't looked into what is being done to collect. My middle son's father wasn't adjudicated as the father until after he was 18. He owes back support and has paid it on time, in full every month. I think the bottom line is that if nobody complains about the non payment of support, then there are too many cases to go after every deadbeat, mom or dad. I do see mom's getting more sympathy in the courtroom than dad's, but I think if nobody complains in the first place, there would be no action taken against mom or dad. I've seen the Judge rip a dad apart for losing his job and not finding some way to pay, but with mom's they are more sympathetic. I think if my husband had lied about his income and refused to bring proof and BM said it was more, the court would have taken her word and used the higher income. I see there is less bias than there used to be, but some still exists.
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mattie_gt
13 years ago
Of course she'd rather buy something for DGS than for SD! Babies are very cute and lovable and, when you drop yours off with a random stranger for a few hours, days or weeks, they will still be happy to see you when return.

It's only when kids get older that they turn into unappreciative, ungrateful little brats who don't appreciate how busy your life is and how much you do for them, and instead are always whining "Mommy, why didn't you call on my birthday?" "Mommy, I'm hungry..." (when they can see that Dancing With The Stars is on!) and "Mom, are you going to actually show up this time or just cancel again?"

Seriously, she sounds nuts. DH and I were talking about adoption, and I told him that BM would demand visitation with any child that we adopted - and she probably would. So bizarre.

In our state if you don't show up for a hearing they'll issue a "bench warrant" - for which there is no bail. If you get picked up you sit in jail until a judge is available during regular court hours. Apparently, you really, really don't want to get picked up on Friday of a holiday weekend or you'll sit in the holding cells for several days.
steplady
13 years ago
What? Why is she worrying about YOUR grandchild when she doesn't even provide for her own child? Insanity!
parent_of_one
13 years ago
Mattie what do you mean by BM demanding visitations with YOUR adoptive children? She sure has no legal standing! she can't even provide good home for her own child!
lovehadley
13 years ago
HA, Ima, she is such a nut! I love that she even had the balls to ask what she should get for your DGS. Hahahaha.

A few years ago BM traveled out of state with her now-husband. She NEVER flies, so she was really nervous. She actually called DH the night before her trip and wanted him to promise her that if something happened to her, that he would *share custody* of SS with HER parents.

Dh was like "huh???"

And BM went on that her parents absolutely HAD to have SS on her custodial days in the event of her her death.

DH said, "Noooo, SS would be with ME; I'm his FATHETR. Of course he would see your parents the same way he does now. As his grandparents! But he would live with me."

And BM just freaked! She seriously 100% thought that DH sharing custody with her parents was a perfectly fine idea. So strange.

She was almost in tears about it when DH said, "uhhh, no, in the event of your death, SS would be with ME, just as in the event of MY death, he would live with YOU."

Ima, all your BM has to do is get pulled over for a traffic ticket and she's off to the pokey!

Wacky, wacky.
imamommy
Original Author
13 years ago
"Ima, all your BM has to do is get pulled over for a traffic ticket and she's off to the pokey!"

Did I mention her license has been suspended for non payment.. after the third month of non payment, they automatically suspend the license. She's in her seventh month not paying... and she's been driving all over town, she NEEDS to take BF's kids to their games!

The more I think about it, the more amusing it seems. She has brought all this upon herself & perhaps it's just Karma for the way she treats people... mainly her daughter. (lol, she lives two blocks from the police department in a very small town where everyone knows everyone & everyone's business...)
mattie_gt
13 years ago
I wonder if they decorate jail for the holidays?

Depending on where she gets pulled over, they may tow her car as well, if it's not in a "safe" parking area. Ouch.

PO1, DH, SS and I were talking about adopting; unfortunately with everything going on it just wouldn't be a good time now. SS is all in favor but there is simply not time left to devote adequate attention to another kid and that wouldn't be fair to either. BM just seems to feel that our lives have something to do with her; like she's in some competition with DH or something.
imamommy
Original Author
13 years ago
In CA, if you are pulled over & have no valid license, they tow the car no matter what. But, her vehicles are not in her name so they may contact the registered owners (her mom or her BF) to come pick them up. I'm not positive but they may also impound it if the registered owner allows an unlicensed person to drive it. If you are pulled over for DUI or drugs, they automatically impound the car, no matter whose name it's in, for 30 days... then you have to pay the tow & impound fees. Last time I checked, impound fees were about 50 per day (6-7 years ago).

Also, she has a baby now & that complicates things a little. If she's lucky, they will allow her to arrange for someone to come get him before taking her to jail or they will let her post bond immediately to stay out of jail. I can't help but wonder what goes on in someone's head when they make really stupid decisions. The court hearing she blew off was so they can tell her to look for a job. All she had to do was report back to their office every two weeks with the names of 10 places she called to see if they are hiring. THAT'S IT! They weren't going to hold her upside down & try to shake the money out of her pockets or waterboard her!

She's such a deadbeat!!!

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She's such a deadbeat!!!

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