I still don't understand why you called the police and why she was required to leave. You didn't explain well enough. What you did with the kids sounds somewhat as kidnapping, I hope she'll use it against you in court getting custody. What exactly did SD do that requires police at the house?

Fabzinj, you did just fine. Hopefully after a bit of time passes the stepdaughter and you may be able to have tolerable small visits in your home if she can stop by to visit with her mother and younger siblings and have a better respect as a vistor in the home and not as a disruptive destructive resident. Time will tell.

Finedreams, I don't see how you can see 'kidnapping' here at all. Fabzinj did nothing of the sort. He took the kids to his sisters to have them away from the show down that was to come between the stepdaughter, mother and himself. The was the right thing to have done. The kids were not kidnapped, just taken over to aunt's house, he spared the younger kids from yet another a fight scene and he spared them from seeing the cops come and deal with their older sister.

Fabzinj had told the mother and stepdaughter that morning the girl was to be out, that there would be no more drama scenes from the girl. He went to work, stopped by at lunch to see mom and daughter carrying some stuff out, when he returned at end of day, stepdaughter still there and was not planning on removing herself. Fabzinj does not have to have adult woman in his home, he called to have her removed and in the timespan took his young kids away from the drama.

Good luck to you fabzinj, I hope things are now peaceful in your home and safe for the younger kids. Hopefully now the young daughter can have her own room and her privacy.

I also hope your stepdaughter does okay. I hope that her life is happier living with the other relatives, that she gets her education, matures and turns into a productive loving adult woman.

"Fabzinj does not have to have adult woman in his home, he called to have her removed and in the timespan took his young kids away from the drama."

justmetoo, I don't get it so you think every time your partner/husband/wife does not want your adult children in the house they should manipulate you and call the police? Or they have rights to just kick them out?

She is 19, am I correct? She still needs guidance. Plenty of college students of this age live at home, where does she suppose to go? Can she even afford to be totally on her own? and why? Would you kick your 19-year-ld out because your husband doesn't like her?

Also that's the house they both live in not just him. I understand he wants his (once again it is just "his" not theirs) little girl to have her own room but is it good enough reason to call the police and create such drama? Plant his phone turned on in the room and set up wireless camara and watching it outside on a laptop? it sounds sick.

The house is his, kids are his, rules are his, is there anything his wife's? Maybe she always defends SKs because that's all she has in this marriage that is "hers".

If OP would say excatly what SD did today or few days ago or even within last few months that is so bad that police needed to be caled then maybe I'll see his view. She did bad stuff when she was a child but that's in the past. What does she do now that deserves such actions? i am willing to reconsider if I learn what is that terrible she does now.

Normally, finedreams, I would agree with your reasoning, on a more 'generic' situation, but having only the two threads that have been presented, there is no reason to believe the sd is out on her own. Gentleman has stated that sd does not really 'live there', she's in school all week and on weekends is home long enough to make trouble and the remainer of it stays with relatives. Does not 'live' there, just hangs there passing in and out.

Obviously the girl has places to stay.

young adult at 19 who thinks it's okay to toss and destroy sf's belongings, call the cops on sf because she herself loses her things in her own mess and wants her sf arrested--unitl, giggle giggle, she finds the item under her bed-causes constant fights, and is totally disrespectful in her sf's home,is not a poor little miss me that I'd feel I had to tolerate.

This is the sf's home, he brought the wife and stepdaughter into it and he's made it clear to wife, the adult girl either behaves or out she goes. The mother and stepdaughter has know it was coming to this.

And yes, I have a 22 year old still at home. He has a choice. He can act like part of the family, be respectful to the others living in the home and our property, or he can rent his own apartment. He works fulltime and has since his jr year in HS, he bought his own car, pays own insurance for health (since 19) and his own car insurance ect.He also pays a small rent. The first time he pitched his father's belonging around the house, his father would be handing him the apartment listings from the paper. I have had adult children, a daughter-in-law also, on and off over the years for various reasons, never, ever, was such behavior allowed in my home.
If poster would have stated the girl was to be out on the street/homeless blah blah, I might feel differently. But how far does a parent/step continue to enable adult children to destroy homelife before seeking solutions?