She's 24 and there's no reason she can't be held accountable for how she treated you...

As two grown women, there is not a mother-daughter relationship so you are more dad's girlfriend/wife than a stepmom figure to her. You can ask her "Have I done something to cause you to ______" and give her examples of what she has done to be rude to you. Since it is the beginning or your relationship with her father, the stage will be set now for how this is handled in your future relationship with her. I would not let it fester and if it cannot be resolved, you have to decide if you want to be in a relationship where dealing with her is part of the package and if you stay in the relationship, boundaries need to be defined if she is going to take it out on you for how her former stepmother treated her.

"But she was nothing but rude."

Was she simply thoughtlessly 'bad houseguest' rude? (like many young people can be.)
Or specifically ('You're not my mother!') rude and nasty to you?

You also say you and Dad don't live together.
So is SD crashing at Dad's house, which annoys you? (His problem, NOT yours, so stay far, far away from it.)
Or is the house YOURS -- in which case, you have every right and reason to lay down the law. ("Another visit? Sorry, that simply won't be possible.")

although it is wrong of her to be rude I don't see why she cannot come home after college

If I'm reading right 'home' is not Egypt, Canada is. The SS came on a 'holiday' and had to leave within the 3 months. In order to come back to Egypt for more than another 'holiday' SS would have to be able to get like a working visa if she qualified.

The next thing I'm wondering is how much of being thought 'rude' was a cultural difference/perception? If the daughter was purposely rude/disrespect, that is indeed wrong to behaved that way when she was a guest in your home and being she also brought a handful of other guest on holiday. But if it is a cultural misunderstanding and a fact of having to learn each other's ways, that does take time and a bit of trial and error with a true desire to find the happy medium to pull the two differences together.

it sounds like dad and OP live in Egypt though. I understood that SD attended college in Canada, but now thinks of coming back since there are no jobs in Canada. in any case somebody lives in Egypt, otherwise OP would say that the whole family went on vacation.I don't remember OP saying anything about SD needing working visa or any other documentation to come to Egypt. we don't know enough detail to make assumptions.

My boy friend and I live in Egypt. He's originally from Canada. And yes, the house is his, but the fact that there were 6 kids around us all the time was so disruptive. We never had a chance for example to sit down and have a decent conversation. Every time we go out, we are accompanied by someone that we are taking somewhere. We do our things in a hurry and then we go pick the someone up. We never had a moment alone.

Being rude is simply being rude. She never says "thank you." When her boyfriend was here, I gave them my car to move around Cairo. And also because I know they don't have any money, her father is paying tickets and everything, I also took car of gas. But never heard a thank you from her. She treated me as if I never existed.

I see, well if it is his house, you don't live with him and in fact only know him 9 months I don't think it is your place to tell him who should stay there and if it is disruptive. he can have people at his house if he wants to.6 or 20.

if you don't live there you do not have to be there when he has visitors you can go to your house and do your own thing. why do you let it be disruptive to your life when you don't even live there?

i find it strange that you gave your car to people you do not even know. don't get me wrong, it is very bad to be that rude, and I don't understand why you tried to please rude people driving them around and giving up your car.

.SD should not take your car, if she has no money she should ask her dad not you. as about you not existing...even though she should not be rude you are someone her dad dates for 9 months, you probably not the first woman he dates so she doesn't think it is a big deal plus he hooked up with wrong woman before so how does she know.

i understand you felt like having no privacy but she probably felt the same way, she came to visit her dad but someone whom dad JUST met is always there and is trying to force herself into SD's life. it is way too early for you to tell him not to bring his daughter or be there 24/7 when she visits or give her your car. take things slowly, why rush?

"She is coming back after Christmas. He is making all sorts of excuses to let her come back although he promised after she left to talk to her because our relationship needs time and attention. He even said something as silly as I can't afford the penalty on her tickets. I offered to pay the penalty"

all right, let's see his previous wife made him to cut contacts with his children, now you are offering to pay penalty so his daughter doesn't come to her father, so you are doing exactly when the other woman did limiting contacts with his children, how are you different? you are not even married yet you don't want his kids there because your relationship needs time and attention, hmmmm

Sounds like dad had his daughter for the 3 month holiday and allowed with his permission to let the daughter invite her friends for holiday also.

If poster got no alone time in home or privacy on outings, the poster has no reason to be blaming the daughter. Father knew and wanted exactly what occured.

As far as saying/hearing 'thank-you', no, 'rude' is not always rude for expressions can be different. At times when different languages and cultures come together a verbal 'thank-you' might come in different forms. I've gotten simple head nods with bright flashing smiles, other times hugs, at times a cheery "yeah yeah yeah", and at other times a beautiful gesture of flowers suddenly appear on the dining room table. I knew each and everytime that whatever I had done had been appreciated.

Reality here in this posting though is the poster is not married to the girl's father, she is not living in the girl's father's home, and the girl is not the poster's stepdaughter. So my advice is for poster to stand back and review if this is what and how poster wants things, as this is the way the father has shown he does want things. Father is enjoying his daughter's visits and has invited her back.

Again, the daughter can only stay so long before she must try if possible for working visa thing, she's not a student and not a minor dependent, but I think what has the poster upset is that the daughter may not go back to Canada and therefore not be out of posters life.

A word to poster, if you are truly what the father wants in his life, he will find room and time for both his daughter and you. On the other hand, if you want the father sole to self, time you look elsewhere for a different gentleman to built a future with.

Well, finedreams, crule as your opinion was, I do thank you for that. Sometimes those outside of your circle show you things that you are not aware of. I eventually turned into her previous stepmother, intentionally or unintentionally.

And justmetoo, thank you for the advice. You are right, he has to find time for both of us if he really cares. If he doesn't, it is time for me to find another man.

Thanks...

I didn't mean to be cruel, but I felt it would be helpful to be objectively honest instead of sugar coating. The last thing you want to do is to tell a parent not to have children over because you want them all to yourself, recipe for disaster. good luck in whatever you decide.

I have some of the same problems with my adult step-daughter! She has never really accepted me as a step-mother in her life nor has she ever accepted my children! She has always be so jealous of my kids. It is obvious how she has acted over the years. I have been married now for 15yrs to my hubby and I love this man so much. He and I are true soul mates. He is the nicest man on earth. Honestly they world be a better place if we could all be like him. She was very obese when I met him and I feel that had a factor to do with that. I always watch my weight and never get over 130lbs and then its time to go down to 110 or 115. My daughter is beautiful I mean drop dead beautiful inside out. Just a loving person. I have three kids and he has two. They were both adults when I married him. No excuse to be so rude to me and my kids. Never introduce my as a step-mother ever. That to me is very rude. Well his daughter felt like we were taking her dad away from her and she was married mind you. both of them were. I love my husband but I do not care for his daughter at all anymore. Last weekend I took a dog she didn't want up to my daughters house, it was a Yorkie but it really looked like it might be a mixed Yorkie. Anyways, my daughter has a Yorkie but her friend had two females and wanted to breed on of them. So my step-daughter sent a pic of the dog to my daughter and my daughter said to bring it up. Now all this time we're thinking it is a registered AKC Yorkie but I don't think it was. She didn't have any papers on it nor any shot records on it. Point is that girls dogs only weighed 4lbs and this dog weighs about 12 to 15lbs! Really a big dog for a Yorkie. So I told my step-daughter we would be bringing the dog back and she got mad. I tried to explain to her why but all she said was bring my fn dog back. I told that was stupid to get mad over a dog and she then call me a B---- and then it has went from bad to really bad. She told me to never talk to her again. Well that is fine with me. She did say some really hurtful things to me but calling me that was way out of line I think. She is so jealous of my daughter is isn't funny. I guess because she is a doctor and my step-daughter isn't anything. She never responds to her dad's text messages when he write her nor even answers the phone but she loves him and will always be there for him she says. That's a joke. She told me to delete her number and never call her again. I will do that but I told her who does she think is suspose to call her when her daddy is in the hospital for something. He has parkison's! Does she not realize that I am his wife and I can stop her from even coming around one of these days as he get's worse. I don't know that I would but she will never do anything anyways for him. It will be my daughter that will step in an help cause she has said she will. His daughter has a lot of issues. Told me to get off drugs and they drugs she is talking about is diet pills that I get from the doctor to keep my weight down. But she went and had her stomach stapled so she could loose weight. I will not let myself get that far out of shape to go do that. Now to me she isn't any better than I am for what she did. Jealousy is what her biggest problem is. I cannot stand her now and I refuse to ever talk to her again. She has no respect what so ever for my husband or me. I do believe she was wrong to call me what she did no matter what I said. Words are words but when you stand cursing your parents or step-parents then you have gone to far. My dad always said you respect an Adult that is older than you are no matter what. She is 33yrs old and I am going on 55. Does anyone have any advice to help me out. I feel so hurt and left out.

I'm confused by the obsession with weight...

weight has NOTHING to do with being a good person, being beautiful has NOTHING to do with being a good person... and not all overweight people are jealous of thin people.

It appears that perhaps your SD perceives that you think you are better... better than her because she is obese & you keep your weight down... better than her because YOUR daughter is "drop dead beautiful" and even if you have never TOLD her any of that, I have picked up on that attitude in your post.

Yes, I think there is more to the story here. I'm not understanding the focus on weight & beauty?(Both of these fade with time) Need more focus on the "meat" of the relationship not the "fluff".Perhaps sd sees that you compare her with your DD & it is hurtful to her? To know that you are measured in superficial ways by someone that places higher value on weight & beauty than on your person could make one resentful I'd imagine. Add to it all the blended family issues & well I'm not sure how you can make it better now. Stepping back may be the least hurtful for everyone involved.
-Cat

well she is heavy and you are thin, you take diet pills she staples her stomach (how is one method is better than the other?), your daughter is gorgeous and she is not, your daughter is a doctor and she is not. how is that important? and if you think it is maybe that's why there are problems? you focus on wrong things.

Although I agree the focus should not center around weight/beauty. It MOST definately can be the cause of turmoil in step families. You are combining families w/ different DNA and let's face it some just get better jeans than others. And if a teen has problems with weight and or self esteem issues, then into the family comes someone who easily maintains weight and seems to be happy with themselves it can cause alot of jealousy issues.
Teens do not understand that everyone is different. That my body no matter what I do may not ever be able to look like those thin model types. Perhaps focus on improving her self image? make sure to compliment her on things she does well. and if she shows interest in losing weight and improving her health maybe you could help her with a work out plan that you could do together.

I also wanted to adress a couple of things completely from an objective standpoint. I know alot of people here and everywhere like to jump all over a stepmom who in anger or haste writes something that seems out of line, and when they respond in anger nothing gets solved. So please understand what I am about to say is not meant to demean you in anyway, just an outside view point.

From reading your post I can deduct that you have alot of unresolved anger issues with this SD. And while I do not doubt that she is unruly and rude to you, the underlying hostility helps provoke it.
You have never had a mother daughter relationship due to her age at the time of your marriage. So she needs her father to establish a line of respect for you. (a hotheaded troubled young lady is more likely to listen to her dad that the one they percieve as the threat.) He should also address the name calling issue. She is absolutely wrong to call you that. However; being 55 you need to realize she is hurting and confused.
Like it or not you are now her fathers wife, and even as an adult that can sometimes be hard to handle. Also if her father is ill that probably plays a HUGE roll in her behavior. People deal with disease and heartache in different ways. think about it growing up didn't it seem our parents were invinsible? completely indestructable.
To now have to realize that the day is coming she will have to say goodbye whether in a year or 20 years doesn't matter. It is very important you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER threaten her to keep her away from her father. (you are not wrong for having those feelings when angry.. trust me everyone here at some point has had those horrible thoughts) But you must realize that she is his daughter, and she loves him too. To keep her away would be hurting your husband. You should seek counseling for yourself to deal with the stress and anger arising from this issue. Let her father deal with her behavior.