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Who else is dreading the holidays??

Posted by catlettuce (My Page) on
Tue, Dec 13, 11 at 12:46

I'm guessing I'm not the only one. DH and I are traveling to see my parents and my son & his GF and while I'm excited to see esp my son-my mothers behavior has gotten more negative/demanding/critical the past few yr.s so much that I can't deal with her in close quarters for more than 4 days max. I feel bad but it's true. She came to visit last may and was perfectly awful the whole time and nothing anyone did would please her and she refused to go anywhere or anything that she didn't want to. She did a few inappropriate things like taking a dirty dish out of the sink and putting a slice of pizza on it and then picked up the phone, called my s-dad and tell him how dirty my dishes were!! WTH? I was like "What the hell are you doing? You just took that dish out of the sink!" She was like a deer in the headlights and continued eating/talking and ignored me-Ugh!

My son said he would NEVER travel with G-ma again and that she was awful/nasty to him, TSA, rental car place-you name it at the airport as well as driving down the center of two lanes of the highway and refusing to let him drive..Yikes.

So we decided to drive down to her comfort zone that maybe if she were in her own habitat (lol) she might behave better but this past week on the phone she is already starting to get negative and critical.. Now if I stayed in a hotel or with my son she would have a cow over it and be totally insulted so that's out. Which is too bad because really if it stresses her out that much then why not stay at a hotel and just hang out when she wants too?

I am really trying to suck it up and be a good daughter because I love my mother even though she has always been "difficult" and I want to be able to have somewhat of a decent relationship with her but damn if I'm not dreading this trip because of these issues. Both my son & I wondered if she has some early dementia going on but decided against mentioning anything to my s-dad because if he said anything to her-it would be on like Donkey Kong. It's like all of her behaviors are now amplified x 10..Sigh. Bless my S-dad, really he is such a good guy.

As far as S-kids go the middle SS is having an impromptue wedding Sat since we have an impromptue granchild expected in June. Finally he got his own home and moved the whole lot out of DH's house in the late summer, and the house was forclosed on(DH lost his butt financially on that one). (so glad I bought my house!). No worries about wedding shennanigans as it is small/ dinner out afterwards and all they need from us is to be a back up
baby sitter for the evening. Okey-Dokey! Works for me!!

I just wish for us to all please get through this holiday season with minimal drama,trauma & fuss. Then let me have my peaceful little life back.

~Cat PS. And if you all got this far you deserve a Nice Big Cookie!


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Who else is dreading the holidays??

Cat, talk to your stepdad! If it is dementia, drugs can't reverse the problems, but at least they can slow the process, and the sooner it's slowed, the better. If it's not, and she's pissy, well, she was going to be anyway.


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RE: Who else is dreading the holidays??

oh my gosh Cat! The house was foreclosed on? I am so happy you got your house in time, and were able to stabilize for your future. What a hard lesson for your husband.

I'm navigating the family waters myself. Strap in, grab a big oar and know that the river will smooth out after the biggest rapids!


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RE: Who else is dreading the holidays??

Dreading. Me. Me. Me.Tho I feel compassion for the old folks losing it. I remember visiting my dad in the nursing home for one of the last times (he was rather a difficult man in later years also).An elderly lady in the hall, strapped in to her wheelchair was yelling, crying, BENNY, BENNY come get me. It broke my heart, and I often think about her, will that be me some day? Wishing a husband?Son will come and pull her out of her misery? Make your visit as short as possible, grit your teeth and be thankful its not you,thats how I would try to get thru it. Its all the people that are young, healthy and drama inducing that I dread. I give the old folks a hoilday pass. Good luck :)


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RE: Who else is dreading the holidays??

The ONLY thing that is helping me keep my sanity & positive mood this year is that wonderfully cheerful, easy to please, happy go lucky two year old that I've had the pleasure of raising for two years.

I would not say I am dreading the holidays but my relationship with my mom has been strained for years & now she is battling cancer... she is stubborn & difficult so she flip flops between saying "goodbye cruel world" to "I'm scared to die"... she's depressed & seeking second opinions wanting to hear the first doctor is a quack & there's nothing wrong with her. So she's in denial too. I'm going to make an effort to spend time with her but it may not be pleasant/enjoyable. I hope it is, but she is who she is and it's the things she says that has made our relationship strained. She hasn't changed anything and that's going to make it more difficult. But, like dotz said, give the old folks a pass... it's the healthy DIL & SD that produce "drama" that I can't stand... and a healthy MIL that jumps on the bandwagon... I don't give that old *** a pass & while I would like to avoid her like the plague, I am not going to let her cause a rift with DH so I will kill her with kindness & hope she doesn't want us to come over... let her feign being busy or tired, blah blah blah.

Anyway Cat, I hope you can find some enjoyment & I do hope your SF can get her to the doctor for evaluation. He doesn't need to say anything to HER except maybe suggest she may want to get a physical or check up... and he can give his concerns to the doctor directly so she won't go off on anyone.

Good luck. I'll keep you in my thoughts.


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RE: Who else is dreading the holidays??

Well, I dreaded Thanksgiving. It was pretty grim. My sister and her family usually come for Thanksgiving but car repairs that blew her budget prevented them from driving up. So, it ended up being me, DH, SD & SGD, with SD & SGD arriving about 90 minutes late. Not real festive as SD was leaving before daylight to begin her move out to where her mother & brother are living. I was not looking forward to Christmas much either but I decided I was not going to be depressed about what happened out in Oregon (DH has yet to hear anything from his son since we returned home from there). So, I talked to DH and we are driving down to my sister's. We'll be there a couple days before and after Christmas. I am really looking forward to it. I haven't shared Christmas with my sister, brother-in-law, nieces and nephews for nearly a decade. It will be a Merry Christmas for me!

Ima, I am sorry you are having to deal with so many stressors all at once; and Cat, I do hope your SF will suggest a routine check-up for your mom. Cocontom is right. Drugs won't provide a cure but they can slow down the process of the loss of cognitive function related to dementia. Will be thinking of you and wishing you the best.


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