If SM is the wife than she gets the inheritance. If exwife had put in money towards any investments or insurance than I would assume that would have been handled during the divorce. It may suprise you to know, KKNY, that even though most of us are SMs our role in life is not singularly defined by this. We are actually wives and "real" mothers who want happy lives. If a man marries a woman after his children are grown than I suppose it is up to him to decide who would get his inheritance. If my dad died today, God forbid, I would not expect a dime of his money. It would rightfully belong to his wife and she should use it to enjoy her life. I am an adult! You, KKNY,are just so insanely jaded that it is crazy. All SMs are not evil people lurking around waiting for their spouse to die so they can reap all the benefits and say screw you to the skids. Get over it. "as to Mom1SM2 -- there is a difference between kids having to grovel to SM or otherwise watch all, including what dad worked for go to SM kids. That decision should not be left up to SM." Did it ever occur to you that said father would think his kids need to get up of their knees and get a job???? Again, it is up to the person who has the inheritance to decide who gets it. The decision is not up to the SM it is up to the wife of the deceased who may also be a SM.

I know I'm weighing in at the end... but I spent all weekend at a Biology fair, teaching kids about fun science and didn't have a chance to log in until last night. I think Mom2emall is absolutely right to expect better behavior than she saw from SD. She was terribly rude and deserved to be called out on it. You remember how one of our new house rules is "It's OK to say your opinion, as long as you don't hurt anyone's feelings"?? Well, IMO, that's exactly what happened here. Like many people have said, SD could have been nice about saying "No thanks, I'd rather play by myself" or "Right now we want to play just the two of us, but you can play later". I also don't think it's OK to choose to not play, and then be mad because you missed out on the fun. Richard Scarry even had characters about that (anyone remember Pig Will and Pig Won't and how Pig Won't missed out on everything, so he became Pig Me Too?) I do think Mom2emall went a little far in how she excluded SD when they were all sitting on the couch, but since it was quickly followed (as I recall) with letting her come sit with the family and including her, I'm not too worked up about it. I'd probably be more concerned if the "punishment" had been that SD spent the evening in her room while the rest of the family watched a movie together and ACTUALLY been excluded, rather than just told she was. I'm used to rude and anti-SM remarks from KKNY (you'd think that as an adult, KK could handle "It's OK to say your opinion, as long as you don't hurt anyone's feelings", but maybe I have unreasonable expectations) but I'm really annoyed with that KKNY keeps calling Mom2emall "OP". "Mom2emall" is a bit long to type out all the time, so maybe if KK is feeling lazy, she could say M2EA? I might be the only one, but I think it's incredibly rude, and actually a form of adult bullying, to not use someone's name. IMO, continuously calling M2EA "Original Poster" is really disrespectful. Ima, I agree that TOS is spewing psychobabble as gospel again, but IMO, in this case, she's not being rude or anti-SM, so let's cut her some slack on this one. She's giving her opinion and wasn't being a big jerk about it, so I think we should respect that TOS has a right to express her opinion. About "forcing" the kids to play together.... That's not how I see this at all. My perception of this situation is that it's OK to play separately, as long as you're being nice about it. Mom2emall wants all the kids to be able to get along and play together, but also seems to respect their own space and individual interests, as long as everyone is being nice to each other... So I'm not sure why anyone is saying she shouldn't encourage the kids to play together. I think she's bang-on by encouraging them to be nice about playing, whether it's together or apart.

I really think why it worked for Dotz, above, is that her SS realized through his own divorce, how BM (his ex-) can so easily contaminate the well. It doesn't take much. Even a deep sigh from BM whenever dad's name or SM's name is mentioned, sends the signals to the kids that dad and SM make mom unhappy and threatened, so the kids feel threatened. Even as adults, very few SKs can remove the emotion from such and see it for what it is--mom being mom and her reaction is just that, her reaction and not necessarily the reality. But, when SS lost his own BM and the divorce shoe was now on his foot, it made it, I'd imagine, easier for things to click. I'm happy for Dotz. I've heard this from a few SMs, where after 20 or such years of being somewhat the family punching bag, something clicked, and next thing you know, BM was off somewhere with her new man and adult kids were all okie-dokie with dad AND SM. Some people have the ability to just let it all go and get back in love with whomever. I'm not sure I would. Actually, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. It'd be very hard to let go of 20 years' memories of being the family scapegoat. And that is why I feel the real lesson here is for SKs or adult SKs. If it takes too long to put 2 and 2 together re: who on purpose, accidentally, or accidentally on purpose contaminated the well, it may be too late. Then, you lose one of your parents and/ or get divorced, and you have no one to reach out to. Given DNA, bio-dad may be forgiving, but SM may not, and she does not have the DNA connection that is usually required for that much forgiveness. Dotz' SS got really, really lucky. I hope he realizes that!

I would like to add a couple more resources. and also the book, "Joint Custody with a Jerk". Our attorney gave us the book, and although the title is awful, it really has a great deal of information. and the following link: Here is a link that might be useful: Blended Family Blog