--" she went nuts because FIL burnt a pizza & got pizza sauce inside her self cleaning oven & she didn't know how to deal with it. LMAO~ it was an eye opener for DH because he goes off on some crazy tangents sometimes & he told me now he knows where he gets it."--

He got a perfect display of exactly what he sounds and looks like when he throws his own little tangets. Perhaps the counseling is beginning to sink in and work as he was able to see himself in this behavior.

--"plus, when I got home DH had cleaned the house."--

It sounds like he's really trying to make some changes on his part. What a nice surprise it always is when I walk in to have found my husband has done something unexpected. My husband has always done his share of 'housework' but on the times when I gotten home from a weekend trip to find he's also had a roast cooking all afternoon too and set the table, I never quite know if I should first hug him or do a happy dance.

Hi Ima! Merry Christmas! Looks like in the end it turned out to be a great day! And weekend.

How has sd's behavior been this week or is she with her mom??
I'm glad she changed her attitude for the day but I hope for you that it sticks.

What's the update with you son coming home and handling the dgs living situation? Don't they have to go through the courts to modify the custody agreement? I'm hoping they don't just expect to take him right away and move away. That will be devastating for him. It needs to be gradual.

Our Christmas was very nice. I did end up in a fight with my mom but it's worked out now ugh! It always happens. She gets so stressed with all the company over and my grandma, even the dogs stress her out.

My son is enroute to CA. He left two days ago... dumping his girlfiend, pretty much in the driveway as he left. She thought she was coming with him but he waited until the day after Christmas (at her parents' house) to tell her, just as he was leaving. She was understandably very upset & I am livid at my son for treating someone like that. She thinks he is coming to get settled in California and then send for her. He told me that he has no intention of sending for her, she's too clingy. So, that answers the question of "is he bringing her?" but I am so upset & disappointed in him over it... I can't see straight. My son has also told me that DIL has been talking to him, apologizing for things she did when they were together, etc. He didn't say it (and I don't know if he has thought it) but that indicates to me that she may be setting it up to try and reconcile with him. That has been a concern since she told me she was moving back this way after she got out of rehab... then they were discussing 50/50 shared custody. At this point, I am not going to encourage changing the custody arrangement at all. When my son gets here, I will tell him he can see DGS on the weekends while he is not in daycare. He can come to my house if he doesn't have a place of his own. If he sticks to it & starts to act responsible & building a relationship, then I will start shifting more time to him... but NOT if he reconciles with DIL. They are horrible together & fight like crazy. There's no way DGS is going to be in the middle of that... not when neither of them has been willing to do more for DGS over the last two years. But the answer to the question is that one or both of them has to petition the court (that costs about $385) and then the court conducts an investigation (that costs about $500) and issues a report to the court with a recommendation. If the person (DS or DIL) wants DGS full time, they have to have a place to live & income to provide for him as well as a plan on how they intend to succeed at parenting. That can take months or longer. At this point, a realistic time frame is about two years to shift the full responsibility to either of them... but the problem is that DIL is not interested in being a full time parent and while DS says he is, I have very little confidence at this point. We'll see. It will be a gradual thing if it happens at all because that is what's best for DGS. Fortunately, since I have legal standing, I can flex that muscle but it may damage my relationship with my son to get into a legal battle with him... but he knows if he can prove to the court, that's good enough for me too. I don't want to "steal" his child, I just want what's best for him. And at this very moment, I am concerned that my son... who just dumped his girlfriend of 6 months, the way he dumped her... has no clue what is best for anyone except himself.

WOW! My son finally made it here to see DGS. Well, not exactly to see him... he thought he was going to come pick him up and take him to his father's family 3 hours from here. I am SO upset, disappointed, angry, crap... I don't even know what the heck I feel.

I suspected my son met up with DIL while she had DGS over the weekend. They both deny it but my son can't lie to my face, never has been able to. Well, he showed up today ~he's been at his aunt's house for the last couple of days when he could have been here. He got upset that he is not on the sign out sheet at the daycare & couldn't just go check him out on his own. Then, after I picked up DGS from daycare, my son started to say something to him about going to live with him now & I told him not to say things like that... that it would be at least 6 months to a year for DGS to get used to him & gradually shift custody over. My son got angry and said "he's MY son!" and told me "Thank you for everything and now I'm here for my son". I told him it's not that easy & he needs to go through the court. He said I can start being a grandma & stop trying to be the mom. I told him that I've BEEN the mom for two years and it's MY job to protect that baby! So he looked at me angrily & said "I guess I wasted my gas & time coming here!" and left.

It was like going back in time & I swear it was like dealing with his bio father that had nothing to do with him until he was 4... then wanted to claim him like a piece of property. I am so disappointed & ashamed that my own son could be like this.. he spent less than half an hour with DGS & was more interested in "claiming" his son (like he's property that was stored here) and leaving.

You did the right thing, Ima. Good thing his name was not on pick-up sheet or DS may have just wisked the little guy away.

I'm sorry, I know this is a tough one for you, but stick hard. You are the one thinking clearly and in the best interest of this little one. When your son is ready to sit down and discuss the situation like a mature adult man, but sure it is a time when the little one is not present.

One of the hardest places to be put is between two children, a child (man) you love with all your heart and a child (grandchild) you know deseparately needs you to have their back and best interest. The later one because he is young and innocent and helpless and depends solely on you.