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6 months on/6 months off

Posted by steplady (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 10, 10 at 11:45

Newest issue: So BM is moving 8.5 hours away from the kids for her "happiness" and in a very transparent bid to avoid child support has come up with a 6 months on/6 months off schedule that she hopes my fiance will agree to so they don't have to go to court.

She says that she is going to move away for six months and he'll keep them then. She will move back and then she will keep them for six months. They will keep alternating. He told her he had no desire to be away from the kids for six months straight and IF she comes back, he would be willing to do every other week. She refused that and she also refused his suggestion of every two weeks. She is adamant on the six months on/off.

Now in a prior phone call to this, when she was trying to get him to meet her halfway to drop off the kids every other weekend (eight hours roundtrip each trip) when she moves, she told him once she moves, she's never coming back. Once he told her that he was not going to drive 16 hours every other weekend, she's come up with this new plan.

She's now called the court for mediation to try and get my fiance to agree to this six months on/six months off schedule. Anyone think there is a chance the court would actually agree to this nonsense?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: 6 months on/6 months off

WHAT?! What a lunatic. I cannot imagine a court in the world agreeing to this stupidity. What a blatantly obvious attempt to get out of paying CS; how disgusting.

Maybe your fiance or his attorney can send her a letter/email asking her to explain how she believes that the kids switching residences every sixth months (and presumably to a new residence at BM's, because I guess she is claiming that she'll move back and forth every sixth months?) is in their best interests.

Wow, I thought our BM was crazy!


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RE: 6 months on/6 months off

mattie...I think she is claiming that she will stay here after her six months. I think...I'm not 100% sure though. She's unhappy up here now but apparently after six months down south, it will cure it permanently.

She's claiming she doesn't want to do every other week when she returns because it's not stable. Six months is stable according to her. She is really pushing hard for the six months.


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RE: 6 months on/6 months off

That just makes no sense.

The kids would be switching schools every six months. How insane.

People amaze me with their stupidty.

I have a friend who has a now seven year old DD with her ex boyfriend; a very intelligent man who happens to now be a physician. At the time, he was still in med. school.

She had moved back to her (mine, as well) home city after her DD was born; he remained in Texas.

When their DD was three years old, he filed a motion to modify and---no joke--wanted to do two weeks on, two weeks off.

He was in school full time and my friend worked full time, so the little girl was going to be in preschool/daycare regardless.

He and his attorney SERIOUSLY thought it would be fine for this little girl to attend two different daycares, one in Texas, one in our state. Two weeks on, two weeks off.

Ludicrous.

He did not get it, of course. My friend retained primary phys. custody but he does have pretty liberal time with their DD and always has; she flies to his home state one weekend a month, six weeks in the summer and pretty much every long weekend or holiday break from school.


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scheme

@love - that's almost as ridiculous as BM wanting someone to drive 4 hours to meet her halfway every other Friday and drive 4 hours back and then Sunday do it all over again.

It's like a new scheme everyday. It just doesn't make any sense. The problem is, people have to entertain it and waste their time taking off from work to do it.


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RE: 6 months on/6 months off

steplady ~ when my son was growing up, for a period of time I drove 4 hours round trip on Friday AND Sunday which was 100% of the transporting to facilitate visitation. The reason? Because I was the one that moved 2 hours away. I did what I had to do, which meant leaving work early on Fridays. If BM takes your DH to mediation, there's a better chance of him arguing that since SHE is moving away, she should do all the transporting for HER visits. They are not likely to support the six month split because there is no way to guarantee she will return in six months, it upsets the CHILDREN'S stability, etc. They don't care how stable the mother is... it's the children's stability that matters. Her leaving & dad keeping the kids in the same situation they've been in is stability for them.

My SD's mom moved 3 hours away and we split the transport by her picking up SD (well, she sends her mom to get her) on Friday & DH picks her up on Sunday... still a 6 hour round trip drive on Sunday is a lot for someone that had nothing to do with her moving. She should drive 100% of the time but DH didn't want to go back to court.

If you want to know how ridiculous it can get... one time BM had SD for her weekend. She came to visit her mom, who was living in a town about 30-45 minutes from us. Instead of telling DH that he can pick up SD from there, she told him that she would be late getting back to her house that is 3 hours away. (she didn't tell us she was at her mom's, she just said she was out of town & would be late) so DH told her that he gets home late as it is with a three hour drive so he wanted her to please be on time. We got there to pick up SD & she was upset... said she had to listen to her mom rant about how unreasonable DH is all the way home from grandma's. So, instead of allowing him to pick up SD closer to our house (& save SD from driving extra hours that day) BM thought of it as 'doing DH a favor' so she would rather make her daughter be in a car 7 hours that day. We drove right past grandma's house to get SD from BM that day.


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RE: 6 months on/6 months off

@imamommy - WOW. I am speechless. That is ridiculous that you drove past the grandma's house. It's just so spiteful. The only person that ends up getting hurt with things like that are the kids!!

As for our BM, the court has told her before when she decides to move further and further away from her kids, she has to bear the burden of transportation. When my fiance told her that he was not going to drive 16 hours every other weekend, she said that the kids are going to see that he's not cooperating with her and that he doesn't want them to see her! Even though he has offered to do a fifty/fifty schedule numerous times and she has refused until now with this six month on/off.


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RE: 6 months on/6 months off

what a dumb idea, ha, no judge would order this, 6 months on and off.


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RE: 6 months on/6 months off

How selfish of bm!! Instead of helping support her kids why not just rip their worlds upside down every six months?? And bm is just going to keep breaking leases to move back and forth? None of it makes sense....I can't see how it would make sense to a judge??

My skids bm had the brilliant idea when she moved out of state the first time years ago that she would rotate kids so neither of them would be without a child. She wanted to do something like 6months with one kid and then 6months with another and keep rotating so the kids would take turns being with her and eachother. Nevermind school, activities, friends, stability, etc. My dh told her she was out of her mind!


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RE: 6 months on/6 months off

It's ridiculous. No court will agree to that if one parent doesn't want that. No way, nothing to worry about. I don't believe it anyway, she's saying it to get you off her back re. the CS, and in 6 months time she'll come up with something different.

To share a similar (but less farfetched) story:
BM and FDH share Christmas Day as per court order. It's the most stressful day of the year for everyone involved :-(

BM once suggested to FDH to have it as one on/one off. With BM having them for the whole day the first time of course ;-)
So next year Christmas comes around and ahhh.. BM has no memory of ever making this agreement. The nerve of FDH to suggest keeping the kids the whole day to himself! That just showed hoe uncaring he really is, trying to keep her babies away from her on Christmas Day, of all days!

Sigh...

No need to say FDH does insist now on seeing them for his half, after being cheated out of that Christmas Day.


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RE: 6 months on/6 months off

Well, at least I know we're not the only ones who have to deal with ridiculous SCAMS.

These women/men are so focused on getting over or getting back at the adult, but the only person that really gets hurt is the child. It's just ridiculous.


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RE: 6 months on/6 months off

I sat in court last week (haha, they issued a bench warrant for BM's arrest because she didn't show up for TWO hearings... the first for DCSS ~requesting an order that she seek work since she has not paid in over 6 months, the second ~ a contempt DH filed for her not paying her half of SD's medical bills) but being so close to Christmas... lots of the cases were about that.

It was really pathetic to watch two people fight over how to split up the kids' Christmas day. One mom wants until noon, the dad wants them at 9am. I remember splitting it with my son's father & once, his wife came outside & assaulted me during the exchange... cops were called & of course nothing happened because she told them I hit her... they offered to take both of us to jail or do nothing. It was NOT the way any of the kids should have to spend the holiday... my son or the other five kids in the car that witnessed it. It is just so much better for the kids to spend the day with one parent & celebrate the holiday with the other parent on a different day. After the 'cops on Christmas' incident, that is what I did. and of course we had to get an order for every other year so we no longer split the holiday at all. We had to do the same for Thanksgiving but now that he's in his 20's, I look back and it was more harmful for HIM to split up his days. When the parents get along, I think it can work out fine.. but if they don't, it will ruin a kids holiday so what is the point of even getting them? I see many parents doing it for themselves, because THEY have an expectation of how they want their holiday to be. They are not thinking about what's best for the children.

The sad thing is when one parent is going to see relatives for a holiday or vacation, that may be getting together from far away & they only have that one opportunity to see them but the other parent won't let them go.. it's the children that suffer. I see lots of that too. For that, there is no answer except that sometimes we have to sacrifice so the child isn't placed in a situation that makes it worse for them... and know that when they grow up, they will see through it. And there's no guarantee that they ever will see the truth. My son is almost 24 & is trying to plan part of his Christmas weekend with his dad, whom he hasn't spoken to since before he was deployed. We don't even know if he's incarcerated or not (he's been in & out of prison for many years) but my son has the hope that his dad will step up to be a dad to him & a grandpa to DGS. I had to talk to him when I was getting guardianship of DGS... he actually told me that he's fine with it as long as I allow him to see DGS when he wants. I said that's fine, anytime you want to see him just give me a call. That was several months ago.. not one call. (well, first he wanted me to agree to an every other weekend visitation schedule... and I said "you're going to come get him every other weekend?" and then he changed it to "let me see him when I want." I think he just wanted to see if he can engage me in a battle but when I refused to fight over it, he went away.) My stepmom always said, "kill 'em with kindness" because they thrive on conflict.


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