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lovehadley

How do people parent like this?!

lovehadley
13 years ago

Two nights ago SS called DH to say goodnight and said, "Dad, would you be mad at me if I cut up my new pajamas?"

SS loves to wear footed pajamas but he only has two pairs; so we gave him another pair for Christmas. He wanted to wear them to BM's house on Christmas morning so DH said fine, just please try to remember to bring them back to our house.

So anyway, on the phone, DH says "Yes, I would be upset, what are you talking about?" SS gets upset then and says he cut the feet off his pajamas because his feet were hot.

DH is irritated and says "Why would you do that? No, I am not happy, that was not respecting and taking care of your belongings."

Then BM--OF COURSE--gets on the phone and says, "Don't be angry at SS, I told him he could do it."

DH told me later he could hear SS in the background crying, "Mom, that's not true! You're lying!"

UGHHH. She LIED for him to "cover" for him.

WHO does that?! A crap parent, that's who.

Then finally, after SS was apparently crying in the background, BM admitted to DH, "Okay, he asked me if he could cut the feet off and I told him NO, but then he did it, anyway. And now he's worried you are going to be mad at him."

So then DH said, "I am annoyed but YOU are the one who should be angry with his behavior after he deliberately did something you told him NOT to."

Then it turned into this whole debate with BM saying she was not going to give SS any consequence because "she prefers using positive reinforcement."

HAHAHA.

She prefers to ignore things when SS does something she told him not to---and then, worse, she prefers to cover for him. WHAT message does that send? Oh no worries, hon, I will lie to your dad for you! I am really pleased that SS was mature enough to tell the truth---MORE mature than his 35 year old mother!

Of course, it couldn't end there----BM called DH later from the car, ranting and raving about how she thinks he "beats SS."

???????? She actually used that word.

DH doesn't even really spank! He swatted SS's butt a few weeks ago because SS shouted "I don't freaking care!" and slammed his bedroom door when DH sent him to time-out. DH went into the bedroom, and gave him ONE SWAT on the butt.

In the last year, that is the ONLY time I can think of that he did anything like that. He really is not a *fan* of spanking but in that case, I don't think it was unwarranted.

Anyway, it made such an impression on SS that he told his mom that he was afraid his dad was going to "spank him again" because of the pajamas.

So it turned into this huge fight with BM screaming at DH on the phone about how he "beats" SS.

UGH. I had forgotten how awful it is when they fight. DH had been doing sooooo well with not getting sucked in and now this. Blah.

Of course, it gets worse; DH finds out that SS is in the car, listening to the whole exhange! Listening to his mother scream and swear at his dad about how he "beats him."

Who even uses the word "beat?"

DH did a good job of not fighting back but calmly stating his position which is that he does NOT spank on a regular basis at all, but that the rare and occasional swat on the bottom is NOT going to kill SS, and DH will continue to have that option on the backburner.

DH did get really mad when he found out SS was in the car, listening, so he hung up on BM and refused to take any more of her calls.

I just do not understand her. Anyway, we got SS back last night, and he seems totally fine---he and DH spoke privately about what had happened with the pajamas and DH reiterated the BIG issue was that SS did something he was asked not to do, something that involved adult scissors and was not a safe thing.

I just.....I don't even know how anyone can parent the way BM does and think it's acceptable. She even SAID to DH, "Well, I know I should have sent him to his room or taken away a privilege or something, but he was going to be leaving to be with you for five days, and I didn't want him to leave mad at me."

AUUUGHHHH.

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