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kaelkriver

Help - Christmas Dilemma

kaelkriver
11 years ago

Hello,
My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. He has 2 boys (w/5 grandchildren) and I have 3 girls (w/6 grandchildren). None of our children have ever lived with us. Thank God.

First Situation
SS#1, who is 35, has recently moved in with a woman he met on-line 3 months ago. She has 3 children (8,14,18). He has one son (6) who does not live with him, from a prior relationship. He�s been in and out of relationships ever since I�ve known him.

We have Christmas day at our house every year. SS#1 hasn�t been to our house for Christmas since before his son was born. Though we give gifts to each of them every year, there has been no reciprocation. And that�s fine; it�s just the way it is.

Guess what, this year he�s coming for Christmas, and bringing his "new family". We have not met this woman or her children, and to be honest, I�m not looking forward to it.

But here�s a question. What�s the proper protocol with a situation like this, as it pertains to gift giving? We currently spend around $75 dollars per grandchild and $50 dollars per adult. Are we expected to do this?

Second Situation
SS#2 is 33. He has had 3 jobs in 5 years, due to drinking. It�s also why he is divorced. He hasn�t had his children (15, 12, 8, 6) since Father�s Day. He refuses to take a breathalyzer test, which is a requirement of visitation. He pays no child support because he has no job. He has no $ for gifts for his children.

This year my husband is proposing to go pick him up (he has no driver�s license) on Christmas day, which is 160 miles round trip, so he can see the kids. It will be conditional that he doesn�t drink. I know better, he will. He will start before he gets picked up and will probably carry a flask. He was hammered at his son�s 8th grade graduation ceremony, at church.

But here�s my question. I told my husband this is a bad idea, I really don�t want him here, but he�s not going to listen to me. Am I wrong in thinking the way I do?

I�ve never written something like this before. I look over what I wrote and think what a freaking nightmare. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. This is beginning to come between my husband and me.

Thank you so much for letting me vent. I am just so sick inside.
K

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