Our marriage is failing
anniegray
11 years ago
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sylviatexas1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Long-Lasting Potted Plant to Begin our Marriage
Comments (5)Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! You said: "they are providing some soil brought from their homes" Be very careful if you are choosing a container plant when using soil from the ground. I would only use token amounts of soil mixed with a good well aerated potting mix such as the 5-1-1 or even better the gritty mix found here on this forum. If you are new to container gardening then I would definitely choose a plant with a high survival rate when mistreated. One of the first plants we got in our marriage(25 yrs) was a golden pothos. I now have about 25 plants that I've cloned from that one plant. I'm a newb to container gardening so that means it had about 22 years of really bad neglect....under watering, over watering, no fertilizer for years, poor lighting, extremely bad potting mixes.....yet it survived somehow! My second choice for a flowering survivor is a dragon wings begonia that could be pruned and brought in for the winter. Full of blooms all spring, summer and fall and some in winter if it can get enough light. It could be divided occasionally and cuttings are easily rooted...See Morereply;...don't know what's wrong with our marriage
Comments (3)dear justine grower, I have lurked at your last post and having witnessed the end of my mothers no good marriage, and remembering my position as her young daughter at the time, this is a I need to see through. I spoke to a friend of mine who is a psychologist, he says that your husband is displaying classic sociopathic behavior, he may not a murderer, but he is void of actual feeling, and everything and everyone is simply being kept neatly in their rightful place in his life because this is where they are in his mind. He will never divorce you, but you will never feel loved by him, you are there simply to play your role, as your daughter is. But I am afraid for your daughter, because when she develops into a young woman with wants and needs contrary to daddy's ideas for her, her self esteem will be crushed by him, because she will too, be kept neatly in place and eventually grow in to a woman who will not make a decision without, specifically, his direction. If this is the case for her, what will happen to her when something happens to him. She will never individuate from him, he will be the extension of her that gives direction to her life. May I ask, what happens when you have an idea concernign some decision for your daughter that he opposes? Does your idea stand a chance, or does he go on proving his postition by making you of no effect in the direction of her life, except when it corresponds with his ideas? I am sorry that you are sad, and that you feel the natural loving and maternal need to save him, or help him heal, but you need to realise that his way of thinking and analysing real llife aituations is not going to change, or even get better without some serious therapy, multiplied years of therapy, and he must be submissive at that, now honestly, do you really think this is possible? He feels safe only when things can be controlled, which is why he is great at work, there is no emotion to complicate the work environment, there is simply a formula to follow, the rules are straight laced, he walks the beaten path everyday, and can follow the same rules over and over and over again to make things work for him there without question. But with you, when he follows the same rules over and over and over again, there are questions, complications and unhappiness, which he cannot understand anyway 'I can't connect to his personality, he says one thing today and something else tomorrow, doesn't even remember or says 'well that was yesterday'. Sometimes I wonder who the hell he really is?' You are not loved, you are simply filling a role normal to an adult male in his adult male life. So is your daughter, 'Like he never memorizes things about me, after 10 years he still gets me wrong presents and red instead of white wine. He is not on my side if somebody hurts my feelings' It is obvious that your role as 'wife' in his life had been fashioned in his mind long before you even met him. You are in a position that fits no one but him, in his mind the wife he has isn;t anyone but someone he made up, I guess that you were the closest fit, or a woman who was easy to mold, or make fit into what he envisions. Was he abused as a child, why was his emotional development so stunted, that he plays life? You do realise that he isn't living it right? And I am sorry, but you cannot save him in time to save your daughter. Get out for your daughter's sake, even if you are convinced that you love him and want to see him better, then look on him and support his progress as a friend. Please get your daughter out of there....See Morei don't know what's wrong with me, him,our marriage
Comments (10)forgive me for being a realist, but, when a woman gets married, it isn't asking too much that her husband consider her feelings, lifts a finger in regards to her security and the stability that everyone, male or female, needs when they realize that they are aging. I mean, a couple in their 40's! Who wants to continue growing old with someone who wouldn't even assist in the basic aspiration of owning a home? I guess he wants them to live in an old age home or be at the mercy of landlords who could decide to do anything with the property they are currently living on. Coming to think of it, I am sure this guy is expecting their daughter to take care of them in old age. He sounds selfish enough to naturally expect that, making no effort to secure himself and then burdening her, really shouldn't be considered a burden for her. There are billions of men on this earth, alot of them are capable of much better. At the end of the day, this woman needs to ask herself (considering that she could simply get another man), if there is anything sooo noble and great about this guy, that paying with her lifetime of happiness, peace and security is worth it in the end. There is no punishment as horrible as laying at the end of your days regretting that you didn't live a happy life, and for nothing. He is choosing to be selfish, he has no disorder, but laziness, selfishness and a strong controlling nature to prevent him being questioned. He is literally making her pay with her life for having fallen in love with him, and marrying him 10 yrs ago. No man is worth a lifetime of sacrifice to end up with nothing at all. And further she isn't his mother, he isn't a little boy, he has reached his 40's with this attitude. He is unyealding when questioned, I just think that beating the therapy horse will just encourage him to exhibit his usual 'yes man' strategy to get her off his back, like when she gave him the unlimatum, there will be no positive actions following his "apparent" agreeable reaponse. I think that distance, and time to find herself after being buried for so long is not too much to ask, as a matter of act it is in full order....See MoreBlessing of our Marriage Day!
Comments (3)It was a very relaxing, good food, family and friends and just perfect weather! The tents we boughts at Big Lots for $20 a piece and they stood up real well. We cooked BBQ, grilled chicken, corn, baked beans, other food, I baked 2 cakes, one for the blessing and 1 for my daughter's birthday; I made a special vegatarian dish for the minister sister in law; let the kids swim in the hot tub, my husband teaching our granddaughter how to do the fins up dance from Jimmy Buffet song. Everyone had a blast! Thanks, Brittsgrams...See Moremkroopy
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoreadinglady
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agomkroopy
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agosylviatexas1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoanniegray
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agocolleenoz
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoreadinglady
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agojustmetoo
11 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
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