Take a deep breath. This might be easier for us to read. I am a desperate mother of a 3 year old and everything I do doesnÂt work. He refuses to talk when IÂm around but if IÂm not there heÂs talking with no problem. HeÂs a good boy for everyone else. He can be at grandmas, his uncleÂs, or his godparents, even my fiancéÂs motherÂs house and he talks and he listens, very rarely pitches fits (which is all the time when IÂm around). As soon as I walk in he starts acting up, not listening, getting into things that he knows heÂs not supposed to get into. He wonÂt ask for anything, he whines all the time no matter how much attention I give him. It seems like its never enough. I work with him on his word books, he still acts like he canÂt talk and I know he can, its so aggravating. We have tried everything we can think of. He has a naughty chair when he is bad; he has to sit in it. That doesnÂt work, he keeps getting up or screaming, and we have a "neighbor" that lives upstairs from us and has called CPS on us because of his fits and his screaming fits. we cannot move at this moment because of how bad the economy is. But now because of CPS and their threats we are afraid to punish him and I know he knows that. These people came in my house and told me in no uncertain terms that I could not punish him in any way. The only thing I can do is give him a timeout, and IÂm sorry but in my opinion TIMEOUTS only work on a small fraction of children. My fiancé spends as much time with my son as he can because his biological father isnÂt there for him, (he knows my fiancé as daddy heÂs been the only daddy heÂs known for way over a year and a half). His behavior is out of control and its me and I donÂt know what to do anymore. I just want him to listen and talk. I feel its my fault cause after his "father" walked out on him I think I overcompensated. I would watch my son stand in front of my living room window looking and waiting for that ***hole to show up to come get him (sometimes up to 3 hours). He would just blow my son off and not come, no phone call, no nothing. Because I felt so bad for my son I lacked on the "rules" and now its come back to bite me and I donÂt know how to correct it. I NEED HELP!

""I know I over reacted about the "nerf" but if I didn't stick up for the 9 yr old the 11 yr old will "bully" him forever" I really don't think you overreacted . I don't allow my kids to play with guns or weapons period-just because there is only one way of playing with them. Since these kids are already bombarded with so much violence in the media, as soon as they have a toy weapon in their hand they almost always play out what theyve seen on TV. So I just avoid them altogether. Even if someone buys them as a gift...I let them know they are not "allowed" to play with weapons. If they ask why, I tell them because I think they promote violence =) (then they look at me as if I were from another planet) One time my MIL brought by a bag full of toys that had been at her house. As soon as they dumped the bag on the floor, I picked up all the weapons and put them in the trash. I know its a little complicated because Bio-mom got them, but if one of them gets hurt, she'd turn around and say you should have been "watching them" or something...Don't beat yourself up for having done what you did. You did the right thing.! There is nothing more damaging to a child that to have to endure being bullied by an older sibling. He needed someone to protect him, and you did. I just finished reading a book on sibling abuse, it discusses all the different kinds of abuse. These children grow up feeling completely powerless and resent their parents for not "protecting them" from the older sibling. If you've seen him displaying "bullying" behaviors towards his younger brother before, please keep a close eye on him whenever he is around his little brother. Does his little bro act as if he is scared of him? I mean I understand that he really must have had a horrible day at his mom's and came home feeling frustrated, confused, and angry. I am sure his younger brother was also feeling conflicted. He couldn't express those feelings verbally so he came home and hurt his brother then laughed. Then he proceeded to become argumentative, blame his bro for getting in the way, refused to take responsibility for his actions and disrespected you. Now he is saying: "Are you trying to drive me away.... your going to leave anyway"- you are feeling so sorry for him now. Even guilty for not seeing it coming...So does this mean that he doesnÂt have "any" consequences for his actions? If you and your DH start letting him get away with these behaviors because you start "feeling sorry for him", you are going to have a long, rough road ahead with him. And he will know that "all he has to do" is pull on your heart strings to get over on you guys, and make you feel guilty for punishing him. It sounds like manipulation at its best to me. In effect he is "blaming you" for his behavior that day. Still refusing to take responsibility for his actions. Did he get any privileges taken away or consequences for his behavior that day? My eldest use to pull this kind of thing all the time. I really didnÂt know how smart he was at the time. At first I really felt sorry for him, sad, and even guilty for "not seeing it" like you, on "certain days" so I can totally relate. He would assault his siblings, refuse to take responsibility, blame them for "provoking him", and then follow me around, arguing his innocence, and try to get me to "engage", he wouldnÂt stopÂ.just kept testing me, pushing me to my limitsÂ.if I wouldnÂt give in and totally ignore him, then he would start crying. He would sit in his room and talk to himself (out loud so I could hear) saying how his mom had left him and he missed her so much. Sometimes it would bring me to tearsÂbut I later realized it was a "game" he played. After watching him do it over and over again. HeÂd get in trouble, drive me crazy for hours, then guilt meÂ.it was all about control. He had to be in control. By either annoying me, upsetting me or making me feel guilty. He was always in control because I would fall into it every single time, responding to each situation as he expected me to. At the same time, he would disrupt my entire day, stress me out, and I ended up neglecting the others during those times he was having his meltdowns and required my absolute attention. Sometimes he would laugh after being physically aggressive towards his siblings and always found a way to "blame" them for either being in the way, or "making him" do it. What IÂm getting at is that at 10 years old, he was a master at manipulation. You need to be very vigilant with him, he sounds like a very smart little boy. -Take care of yourself -Dcubana

First, for the record, donethat and organic sherry... I am a woman. And if you take the time to read this entire forum, you will find that most of the posts are by...women. And you will find post after post of "new wives" who "hate", "despise" or "resent" their new husbands children. Their feelings seem to become especially strong after she has "their" baby. I also have several close friends who have married men who had children from a previous marriage. All are educated, attractive, really terrific women who are kind, funny, and well grounded. They are secure women in their own right. I thought with each of them, that if anyone could pull off the role of step-mother, any one of these women had what it takes to pull it off, and do it well. However, like so many women on the forum, they each went on to have children with their new husband, ( a few had a child or two from another marriage) and they quickly got "his" kids out of the house. They could not stand them there. And in each situation, dad is now dad to her kids, and "their new child". These are not awful women. They are terrific women who have many friends, and are generally happy, successful women. I like each of them as people. And I hear "their" side to it all. And I understand. And yet in all of this, there are children that are paying a very painful price for the choices these adults are making. Dad now sees his own kids for an hour or so at mcDonalds for lunch, because his new wife does not want his kids in her home. Kids fathers (or mothers) who now live in someone elses house, and who are now mom or dad to someone elses kids. They no longer seem to belong anywhere. They are now a guest where ever they go. Can you close your eyes and think back to when you were a child, and imagine your mom or dad now living in another house, being a parent to some other kids, and finding your dad's new wife or your mom's new husband hates you and doesn't want you there? Can you imagine as a child what this must feel like? Do you even care to do this, or is it an image you do not want to acknowledge? Read my post..."Lost everything...where is home". It is a true story...and although it is the story of a child I know, it is also the story of many, many children who have lost their family in a divorce. Can you open up your mind to understand that there are many sides to these situations? Can you believe that a woman can behave very poorly when protecting her new nest? Perhaps not you, but what about the woman your ex-husband marries? Is she wonderful with "your" children, or is she protecting her new turf, and picking on your kids for everything? That is what I am talking about when I say that women can be petty. They can perceive insults where none were intended. Women can be manipulative. (I suppose that men can be too, but I have only read a few posts from men...and they seems to have different complaints than the women. I am not being vicious, or bitter. I am just pointing out a truth. Perhaps you are not that way. And perhaps the woman that marries your ex-husband...well, perhaps she is not that way either. Can you give her the benefit of the doubt, and tell her she is doing a wonderful job with your kids? So kind, and fair? Why or why not? Sometimes we do not see or admit to the behavior in ourselves, but clearly see the faults in the woman who marries our ex, or his children. Or maybe we do our best to behave really well, and his kids really are unbearable, and are ruining our life. I don't know. I would love to hear stores about step mothers who adore "his" kids, and think his ex-wife is just wonderful!!! She is welcome over anytime!!! Wouldn't that be refreshing? But instead, women will tell you that her new husbands ex wife is horrible. But maybe she is just a woman doing the best she can to raise their children. Or maybe she feels threatened by the new wife and really is behaving badly. I don't know. What I do imagine, is that there are many sides and emotions run high because there is so much at stake.

Too many parents are afraid to be a parent first, then a friend to their kids today. I think it's creating a huge problem out there. My parents are my best friends, but I learned long ago that they were authority figures in my life. I'm sure w/ divorce, it's even harder to enforce your discipline. You worry that the child isn't w/ you full time, so maybe he/she will go to the other parent's house angry w/ you, building up resentment, etc. It's tough even when the kids are w/ you full time, but we need to do our jobs and do what is right. I'm w/ angelz here and your gut on following through w/ the penalties. I once saw a special by NFL Q-back Drew Bledsoe's father when I had just had my oldest. He was giving parenting seminars. He said something like, "I have no fancy degrees. I haven't read the latest parenting books out there, either. I'm no expert, but I'm also no dummy. I've parented from the heart from day 1. Along the way I found the secret to raising good kids. It's simple: Say what you mean and mean what you say." It really hit home w/ me as my mom is a yeller and is long on threats regarding my brother, lol. (He's in his mid-upper 40's.) My brother learned to weather the storm, then he'd get what he wanted. I don't think he even really reacts anymore to mom's ranting. It's humorous but sad. Here's a man who still views himself as a teenager. Needs my parents for rent $, CS, car ins. you name it. He has a Master's Degree in education, too! He doesn't make big $ and doesn't live w/ luxuries, but spends too much time in bars on Fri and Sat nights. Mom hates his drinking, but when push comes to shove, she bails him out of whatever bind he's in. I feel so helpless. I resent him for draining my parents but pity him that by getting bailed out, he has no confidence to figure it out for himself. Thought I'd share and hope you see where I'm going w/ this. Brother just took a more costly apt. Mom and I talked and I said, "Can you afford his new place, Mom?" She was angry asking when he's going to learn his lessons, etc. I said, "When the day comes where your 'no' means 'no' and not until then..." D