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myfampg

Opinions - SMs and BMs welcome..

myfampg
13 years ago

I had a situation come up and started asking myself questions, what is my REAL opinion. Non-biased and completely objective. It sure is hard sometimes.

How many SMs are called mom or any form of mom, by their SKs? And how do you feel about it? Is BM the custodial parent? Non custodial parent? Involved- not involved?

How many BMs have children that call their SM Mom or their SD dad?and how do you feel about it?

My DD calls me momma/mommy/moTHER on a bad day... And her BD Daddy or Dad. My husband is my DS's BD so ofcourse he calls DH daddy. About a yr ago, DS started calling DH by his real name because DD calls him by his real name. My solution was to just correct DS or to just let him call DH whatever. Afterall, he knows DH is daddy and he would figure it out. Now it's just a funny joke because he had figured it out and will sometimes laugh and call us our real names just to tease us. DDs solution was for her to call DH (her SD) daddy. But I was against it. I was raised by my sd but never called him dad because I do have a BD and that is his 'given' name. His name by right... If you will.

So I was against it. I told DD, you have a daddy an that is his special name. But when DD is talking to DS she will say, go to daddy or daddy wants you but when she is speaking directly to DH, she calls him his real name not daddy.

I feel like I am rambling.

Well exDH and SM picked up DD for a couple of hours on Sunday (as you probably know, he has limited visitation with no overnights) and we have had lots of drama and we are all in therapy together trying to work past everything. Anyway- DD came home acting weird, finally it comes out. While they were eating DD was writing on a napkin. She wrote daddy, SMs name, and DDs name in a heart. Which I think is so sweet that she is feeling this way although he is a jerk and didn't even want to see or talk to her on Christmas day ( different story). This tells

me what a Great job I have done that DD has so much love in her heart...

Anyway - she says that SM scribbles out her name and writes MOM. DD says she doesn't know what to say. I said well do you want to call her mom? She said no. I told her she could be honest and I would be ok with it. She said No I don't want to call her Mom but that is what she wants me to call her ... Isn't this weird?

I am just curious - at what point in a child's life are they old enough to make their own decision on what to call SM or SD and what is acceptable?

Part of me really does not want to share my name, its my special name.

But my rational side says that it's really not up to me, it's up to DD. SM says it's not up to DD. We are all 4 her parents and we should all be called the same thing. DD is not going to start calling SD daddy now other than referring to him as daddy when around Ds but am I really out of line to think she is too old to start calling SM MOM after all these yrs and all this turmoil?

Just curious how everyone else's stepfamilies work.

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