I realy dislike my my step child, may even hate him at times.
jayc2006
17 years ago
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bigmoebenz
9 years agolisaw2015 (ME)
9 years agoRelated Discussions
Thank heavens it was not actually my child this time.
Comments (27)Update on the note. I took it back to the teacher. I told her I knew who the girl was and knew the mom would really want to know this. Teacher said she would. But the teacher also said that this note really disturbed her and the only reason she told me about it was because she is a parent, otherwise she would have thrown it away. I told her that regardless of being a parent, anything that shows a child is in danger should be addressed. This was not just a kiss, this was more than playing doctor and hopefully the girl's parents can now stop an unwanted pregnancy from happening before it is too late. I think my thoughts came across as some crazed parent trying to hold back and control too much a child who needs to be able to grow. I did not intend to come across that way at all. Our dd is a very strong child. She has asked for our trust and some independence. Basically she has been given too much freedom and is not handling it as she had hoped she could. Pretty common for her age. The schools have also told us to sit back and let our kids try to learn to be responsible without our involvement. In doing so we have set back and watched our child plumet gradewise. At our conference the teachers all thought her grades were not all that bad. DH was appauled. A straight A student all of the sudden getting As on tests but totally failing all other assignments, not turning in a 160pt project, is not what we would consider "not that bad". She basically slipped by and now as parents we are stepping in to say enough is enough and want to help her get back on track. We are going to help her with whatever she needs to get back the grades she takes such pride in getting. Same with the social stuff. She has tried to handle it on her own. She needs guidance without being told what to do, advice so she can see her situation for what it is and make better choices. She has to learn that when she breaks the rules there are consequences and as parents we have to enforce them without being cruel. We are seeing a patern of rudeness, lying, stealing etc that is really out of her character and she knows it. She just does not know how to manage it. She is going to her 9th year in fastpitch softball with us telling her that we don't care how well she does, she is there to exercise and have fun and be with her friends- none of which go to her school. Twice a week she teaches a craft at her old daycare to the toddlers. They get so excited to see her and she really does have fun. The teacher has realized that she is not capable of picking the project and setting it up herself so the staff will assist her. But primarily my dd teaches it. I fixed my sewing machine and since I might gain weight with chemo, she and I decided to make sundresses together. We may invite a friend or two over also. She was very excited. My sis sews- degree in home ec- and I took dd over this weekend and dd was excited to see all the patterns and stuff. DH also is so starving to spend time with her. She is so outgoing and he wants her to kayak with her. She and I talked about her developing a greater bond with him and she knows it would be good for her. Basically I have a wonderful daughter who is growing up way faster than she can handle and she needs our help in doing so. The discussion about my making my boyfriend wait to earn a kiss actually came up because she asked me about kissing a boy and such. I openly talk to her and she does tell me more than some kids tell. I am so fortunate we can talk like that. As for smothering her and the camera stuff. We live in a spot that gives our front door acess to everyone walking by. This is a huge temptation even to kids that she does not know. Everyone knows where she lives. We have actually been telling her guy friends that they need to be honest and if they want to stop by they need to wait until we are home, same with the phone. Several have taken us up on this and dh and I greet them and let them know that respecting our home shows they are respecting our dd. The good ones get it, the bad ones just don't care. With my being home possibly through Oct/Nov we have the chance to help her get her schoolwork, social issues and such all in order. She is learning balance and it is not easy but she is learning. Again, hope I did not come across as too freaky....See MoreMy step child dosent like me. What to do?
Comments (11)That is a sticky situation you have here!! I also have a step child, 9yrs old, but luckely we couldn't have a better relationship even if he was my very own. He was 2yrs old when his father and I met, so he doesn't remember a day without me in it, thankfully! In my opinion it sounds like there are issues with your SD's mother. She must not like you and most likely says bad things about you to her child. If that's the case your hubby really needs to step up and let your SD mother know that this is not acceptable and it is only hurting their daughter and that is not fair to her. Also, how does your hubby respond to his daughter treating you poorly? Not to sound harsh or anything, but he !!!!CANNOT!!!! allow his daoughter to treat you badly and disrespect you! He needs to let her know that he loves you and you're not going away and she is NOT allowed to treat you in that manner. She needs to know that he loves her sooo much and you are not going to replace her but her bahavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated anymore. My SS will sometimes (very rare!!) argue or try to get away with more when he's with me, which is normal with it being your natural child or step, but his father nips that right in the butt before it becomes a habit. He lets him know that he loves me and he will not allow him to treat his wife bad or disrespect his wife for any reason!! imamommy is right that it helps to let the child now that you love them and you want only the best for them. Even if there is a stain between the parents, it has nothing to do with her and doesn't change the fact that she is loved by her father and you. Are the two of you ever affectionate towards eachother? (you and SD) Do the two of you ever spend time together alone doing girly things? (painting her nails, curling her hair, putting on perfume and make-up) Get her a surprize for no reason? My SS and I have always spent alot of time together just the two of us and it has always been a thing that has always strengthend our bond. Maybe make a special dinner for her, her favorite foods, or take her to lunch to her favorite place. My SS and I always have a great time going out and buying his daddy a specail gift together. Or getting a new toy or game and playing with it together or as a familiy. If she is having behavior issues, not listening to you, giving mean looks and refusing to be in the same room as you, there is obviously a lack of consistancy in disapline. You have to let children know what the rules of the house are, before you begin enforcing them though, and what the consciences are if they break the rules. And be consistant!! No matter what, even if it's their birthday!! Things should not be going on this long or be where they at today between the two of you. Your hubby needs to get a hold on this behavior before she gets any older and begins to apply her incompliance to everyone in her life. By that time the behavior is almost impossible to reverse or mend and now you have a wild teenage girl running around making everyones life miserable!!...See MoreMy husband hates my kids...should I leave him
Comments (32)Iam going though the same thing. He complains about everything my daughters do. My 2 daughters 20 and 30 and my 7 Grandbaby. He does not talk to them for days. Every night when we go to bed he starts to bitch about them from they eat all the food, they r lazy and wht doesn’t my oldest get child support I tell him that is her business not ours. Well a couple week ago he told them to start paying rent 300.00 a each. They only make 9.00 my 20 pays To own car payment insurance and credit cards, my 30 old pays her bills and the day care bill of 400 a month. I told him they can’t afford that he don’t care and if they don’t like it they move out. He get mad if I buy anything for them. He says u always get defensive I tell I don’t I just don’t know why u treat them like that. They don’t disrespect you. In the other hand they stay in there rooms to not bother you. If they come to talk to me he starts asking wht do they want. He like making fun of my granddaughter( calling a cry baby) and my 20 (making fun of her weight)I tell him to stop and plays it off like I am kidding. Well two weeks ago my daughter told me she can afford the 300 she said I can afford 150. I thought buy telling her to go speak to her step dad he would listen and respect that she came to him and. It to me. I was listening to her explain the situation well he said that’s not my problem and just kept repeating it. Well she started crying and she told him. Why do u treat us like dirt. W you hve never like us and I hate the way u treat mom. Yes she did get load then I stepped in. He lost it and told to pack her stuff and get out. Then told me it’s them or me in front of her. She apologized to me saying she does not what to ruin my marriage. Well my girls r moving out at the end of the month but that is still not good enough. Now he is saying I don’t want them to come over. I was really. Now my son came to visit and he is telling me he is not staying here. I told him he is staying this week to help her sister with daycare. He was who gave him permission I was what. It turn into a huge fight. He said they do what ever they want to do. Mind me he has not spoken one work to him cause he is still mad at my youngest for the fight they had. He told if u don’t tell him to leave buy Sunday Iam going to. I was wtf. Those r my kids and this is my house. He said again Iam tried we should separate i was like look if that’s why u want go ahead. I know u hate my kids. He stayed quite and goes into the room and sulks. Iam i wrong for defending my kids. They have never disrespected him. Iam so over this fight with him....See MorePlease help me with my step child!
Comments (14)I am in a relationship with my boyfriend who has a 5 year old girl. She comes from a VERY privileged family who think they are above everyone else. When she can't have something she screams and gets what she wants. Recently my boyfriend has had the 2nd court case and alot more access to her and instead of 2 days of play he is having much more time with her and has given her discipline where needed but she screams and carries on until he backs down because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. As for me, I try not to discipline her because I want to create respect, but last night I broke when it felt like all my love and fun and kindness was thrown out the window when she said to her Dad in a fit of fury that she wanted him to get rid of me, this all stemmed from her not being able to sit in the front seat of the car. Once in the back, She kicked the back of my car seat and had a tantrum. My boyfriend disciplined her then took her back to her mother and they had a talk and she wants them back together, which is a normal thing, but my dilemma is HOW do I treat this child now. The daughter is learning bad traits such as racism and high class traits that are turning her into a spoilt brat. Should I just not give her any energy wether it is good or bad and just step back? I talked to my boyfriend about it today and he said to try that, but it is harder to give nothing than to give love and support and then on the other hand be emotionally effected when she turns her anger on me. I welcome any thoughts on this subject please. Thank you Megan...See Moresylviatexas1
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