I realy dislike my my step child, may even hate him at times.
jayc2006
17 years ago
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bigmoebenz
9 years agolisaw2015 (ME)
9 years agoRelated Discussions
My step child dosent like me. What to do?
Comments (11)That is a sticky situation you have here!! I also have a step child, 9yrs old, but luckely we couldn't have a better relationship even if he was my very own. He was 2yrs old when his father and I met, so he doesn't remember a day without me in it, thankfully! In my opinion it sounds like there are issues with your SD's mother. She must not like you and most likely says bad things about you to her child. If that's the case your hubby really needs to step up and let your SD mother know that this is not acceptable and it is only hurting their daughter and that is not fair to her. Also, how does your hubby respond to his daughter treating you poorly? Not to sound harsh or anything, but he !!!!CANNOT!!!! allow his daoughter to treat you badly and disrespect you! He needs to let her know that he loves you and you're not going away and she is NOT allowed to treat you in that manner. She needs to know that he loves her sooo much and you are not going to replace her but her bahavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated anymore. My SS will sometimes (very rare!!) argue or try to get away with more when he's with me, which is normal with it being your natural child or step, but his father nips that right in the butt before it becomes a habit. He lets him know that he loves me and he will not allow him to treat his wife bad or disrespect his wife for any reason!! imamommy is right that it helps to let the child now that you love them and you want only the best for them. Even if there is a stain between the parents, it has nothing to do with her and doesn't change the fact that she is loved by her father and you. Are the two of you ever affectionate towards eachother? (you and SD) Do the two of you ever spend time together alone doing girly things? (painting her nails, curling her hair, putting on perfume and make-up) Get her a surprize for no reason? My SS and I have always spent alot of time together just the two of us and it has always been a thing that has always strengthend our bond. Maybe make a special dinner for her, her favorite foods, or take her to lunch to her favorite place. My SS and I always have a great time going out and buying his daddy a specail gift together. Or getting a new toy or game and playing with it together or as a familiy. If she is having behavior issues, not listening to you, giving mean looks and refusing to be in the same room as you, there is obviously a lack of consistancy in disapline. You have to let children know what the rules of the house are, before you begin enforcing them though, and what the consciences are if they break the rules. And be consistant!! No matter what, even if it's their birthday!! Things should not be going on this long or be where they at today between the two of you. Your hubby needs to get a hold on this behavior before she gets any older and begins to apply her incompliance to everyone in her life. By that time the behavior is almost impossible to reverse or mend and now you have a wild teenage girl running around making everyones life miserable!!...See Moremy step son hates me
Comments (11)GBB, I don't know if it's even that he resents you trying to parent him, because it would be more logical that it happen all the time - not just mostly when Dad is away. Poor kid is probably terrified that his BM left, now Dad is gone... is he really going to come back? What if you leave too? The pressure of waiting is too much, and maybe he figures he's just going to force the issue and behave badly so you leave too and it's all over with (like people who settle a lawsuit that they have a good chance of winning because the strain of the whole thing dragging out becomes too much for them). Plus, if he acts badly he gets Dad's attention when he does come back (going out for ice cream). Wish I had a magic answer for you. DH went on a week-long business trip last summer and SS veered wildly between overly-clingy and loving to me and just horrible out of character bad behavior. I don't have three other kids to take care of on top of it like you do, and I was a wreck by the time DH got back. It was completely mentally and emotionally draining. (Since it was summer, I spent one entire week with a child who literally would not leave my side from 8 AM to 9 PM - either clinging and saying "I love you, I love you" almost non-stop, or screaming and having actual temper tantrums.) Does DH have internet access on his trips? Can you Skype or maybe have SS and/or DH create videos (with a webcam) to email to each other? Phone calls are good but video seemed to be even better. Maybe DH could write a note for each day before he goes to give to SS each morning that he's gone? Ask SS what would make him feel more secure; at nine he might be able to answer. But DH also has to let him know that no matter how worried he is it is not acceptable to say these things to you. Good luck!...See MorePlease help me with my step child!
Comments (14)I am in a relationship with my boyfriend who has a 5 year old girl. She comes from a VERY privileged family who think they are above everyone else. When she can't have something she screams and gets what she wants. Recently my boyfriend has had the 2nd court case and alot more access to her and instead of 2 days of play he is having much more time with her and has given her discipline where needed but she screams and carries on until he backs down because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. As for me, I try not to discipline her because I want to create respect, but last night I broke when it felt like all my love and fun and kindness was thrown out the window when she said to her Dad in a fit of fury that she wanted him to get rid of me, this all stemmed from her not being able to sit in the front seat of the car. Once in the back, She kicked the back of my car seat and had a tantrum. My boyfriend disciplined her then took her back to her mother and they had a talk and she wants them back together, which is a normal thing, but my dilemma is HOW do I treat this child now. The daughter is learning bad traits such as racism and high class traits that are turning her into a spoilt brat. Should I just not give her any energy wether it is good or bad and just step back? I talked to my boyfriend about it today and he said to try that, but it is harder to give nothing than to give love and support and then on the other hand be emotionally effected when she turns her anger on me. I welcome any thoughts on this subject please. Thank you Megan...See MoreToo quiet step-father makes my children feel disliked
Comments (6)OMG! I just HAD to post to this one. You sound as if you are telling MY story! I posted my own question a couple weeks ago regarding the same type of man. I can tell you from first hand experience that this guy is not going to change. If anything things will only get worse from this point on. I know that's hard to hear and not what you want to hear. I've been there. I too was wishing for advice or some magic potion to make him 'see' what he was doing. I blamed myself, I hated the way he treated my kids. I let it go on for way to long. I kept hoping and wishing that one day I'd wake up and things would be different. I did finally wake up but looking back I know I should have gotten out a long time ago. Sweetie... for YOUR sake and YOUR KIDS, GET OUT of that situation. Start now preparing to move on with your life. I can tell you that it's only going to get worse. I'm speaking from experience here. I finally did something about my situation. I filed for divorce (yesterday) and he moved out. I can't even express the calm and the peace I feel with him out of the house. My children simply glowed this morning. It's only going to get better for us I just feel it. Granted it's going to be tough financially but hey.. it's worth it to have that man out of our house. Above all else, don't blame yourself. The best thing you can do for your children is show them that no human being has to settle for that type of behavior. It's simply unacceptable. I made up so many excuses over the years for my husbands behavior. Always telling the children just to stay quiet and out of his way when he was home. We were prisoners to his paycheck. So scared that we couldnt make it without him. But I reached the point to where I wasn't scared of that anymore. It scared me more to think about what he was doing to my children's mental well being. I tried everything to get my husband to see what he was doing. He was so deep in denial that he would never admit to being the problem or even having a problem. It was 'all the kids fault' and my fault because he had no interactions with the kids. I'm talking... This man wold walk right past us on his way out of the house or into the house and not even look in our direction. He didn't even acknowledge our existance!! I never understood how he could not even speak. I thought how rude! Well, it's his loss. I hope the silence in his new place is killing him. Meanwhile my house is filled with laughter. It feels like we've come out of a long winter. Even the sunshine is brighter today. If you'd like to email me you may do so at lacey2010@yahoo.com If I can do anything to help you, even if it's just listening please email me. I know first hand how difficult that type of situation can be. I know what it feels like to have your heart torn out day after day wishing,hoping and praying for even the slightest glimpse of hope that something is going to change. The sad truth is... men like these never change. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope that you'll email me....See Moresylviatexas1
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