Being a custodial step-mom
Katrina
22 years ago
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Non -Custodial Mom, What more can I do?!
Comments (22)MIStepMom thanks, you hit it right on the nail, my emotions are poring out over this forum for some help, I seem to not be asking for advice on how to deal with vindictive people the right way, soooo many are only seeing stepmoms side of things, but you see that there are more sides than the primary custodial's side. "And for goodness sake, stop worrying about yourself so much" What I do worry about is what my child is seeing happening between my exhusband-stepmom and I. and how this is truly affecting him, I worry that them being so vindictive is hurting my child, just as much as my move away. They really do act like my 11 year old doesnt know how they conversate with me,they act like them doing this doesnt affect him, BECAUSE ,they say, they've never done it in front of him. Really though, my child is smarter than they give him credit for, as most children are in tune to family relations, even if they dont know what to say or do about it. I know stepmom doesnt like when I call for my son, because this is how it goes, I ask hi is **** there, she says no he's out with his dad, I say politely, would you have him call me when they get back, she says sarcastically IF HE WANTS TO. This is what I'm asking help on, I mean why does she have to be so NASTY, when my child is with me for the summer, I know how important it is to talk to your child, so when they call and our child is out playing or in the shower etc. I simply say, sure I'll tell him you called and have him call you back......whats so hard about this! This is what I have to deal with in many other topics with them to. I dont see why they have to do this, is this helping our child, is this a good thing for him, is this kind of arguing going to be better for my child on a day to day or week to week basis, should I move close to him? I see so many children out there who have parents who fight over them, and to be honest my son is in a better place then them, even though he has to miss seeing me more often in order to have this somewhat peace, between his parents. I only gave up the arguing and fighting over my child, I didnt give up my child. I would love to be in dads and stepmoms shoes. The way they complain all the time that I dont do enough, seems to me like there saying its been a hassle for them to raise my child on a day to day basis, rather then a privalege! One other true example of why I feel they only want money from me and not wish to include me in my childs life: dad initially pays for all medical and sports fees, then mails me the receipts and I reimburse him half back. So one day I get a copy of a soccer kick-a-thon PLEDGE SHEET (not an actual receipt)with a note asking me to reimburse him half of his pledge, which was a measly $5 ! It's not the amount of money that bothers me so, it's the fact that dad didnt even consider informing me of a soccer kick-a-thon and ask me to make a pledge for our son....I would of loved to been asked to participate in my childs pledge....instead I get told what and when Im to pay for something and then they use, come on its for your son, its the least you can do, its only $5. I never paid it to this day, because for the first thing I wasnt included, and the second they demanded it from me, like it was part of his soccer fees, which a pledge is not part of the registration-uniforms-and gear fees. How would you feel if your ex does these kind of things to you all the time?...See MoreBeing a step-mom isn't what I imagined
Comments (12)We were in the process of going for full custody. His 12 year old is actually the better behaved of the two youngest sons. His 10 year old has ODD and doesn't come to our house anymore because he doesn't want to and his mother doesn't make him. If DH goes to get him it's kicking and screaming and punching and the police will get called. We had SS10 in therapy for 8 months starting in January of last year. It took us 8 months to get him somewhat managable. I went into the hospital at the end of august to have our baby and we found out after he was born that he had 3 congenital heart defects. We stayed in the hospital with him for a month while he had open heart surgery. When we got back home, all the progress we had made with SS10 had gone out the window because of his mother. We couldn't afford to keep paying the lawyer to fight for full custody so DH just lets SS10 stay with his mom. SS12 doesn't give us any trouble at all to come over. He enjoys playing with my children and they get along for the most part. We were also told by SS10's previous psychiatrist that he was not to be left alone with the baby for ANY period of time because of his violent tendencies. The story goes deeper than this and our lawyer is pretty sure CPS will eventually get called and they will be taken away from her and will come to live with us. BM recently changed SS10 to a different psychiatrist than what we were bringing him to and I'm sure her story was "his dad doesn't want anything to do with him" which was her story for his other doctors until we started getting in touch with all of them and explaining what this woman is about and that's when they realized that they weren't being able to treat him correctly because they didn't have the right information on why he was acting out like this. We have recently gotten in touch with the new psychiatrist and got them a copy of the full psych evaluation that we had done on SS10 so they should be calling back soon to get any other info they may need from DH....See MoreThe Step Mom / Step Daughter Dynamic
Comments (29)Dyinginside, Your husband stated that it will end in divorce because of you and his daughter. one thing: HE SHOULD NOT DEFINE HIS MARRIAGE TO YOU ON THE BASIS OF HIS DAUGHTER . PERIOD. BIg red flag here. and to top it off he's not interested in going to counciling now????? I agree with sweeby, you have leverage, use it. You are in your parents home. If your husband thinks that is where its heading and he has made the decision to not change this direction, because he's the one who can change this or at least put his foot down and say to his daughter, she is my wife i love her , stop treating her like Sh*t, then there is only two things you can do. 1. Tellhim counciling now and work it out while being at the parents house. Cause counciling does cost and financially you'ld be in better position to do this... 2. If he insists on no counciling and stays.....tell him to leave with his daughter. My feelings on this: If i were under my parents roof, in this situation and my husband said, well i've spoken to my daughter and she still doesn't like ..and i guess if that is the way its going to be between you then i guess i'll have to divorce you....I would tell him, pack your bags now and leave with your daugther please. I would tell him , i know you love me and you love your daughter but if this is the way you think then its obvious you have chosen your path and you want your daughter and there is no sharing of you between me and her. Please have a wondering life and take care of yourself and yoru daughter...Give him time to pack up and go to a relative until he cna find an apartment. WHy muddle through a situation when your husband has obviously made a decision not to act and to pick his daughter? I know you are in love with him but maybe he needs to be alone with his daughter to form a relationship with her and he can't handle the both of you.ITs sad. unless you all go to counciling i dont think this will work. You will be left alone and resent not acting faster....See MoreHow many of you are custodial step parents?
Comments (24)Hi, This is my first time visiting this forum, and I am so happy to see so many others in great situations. My long term boyfriend and I are raising his two, teenage daughters, 13 and 17. We have all lived together in our house since July 2005 they were 9 and 12, the same year in Oct., their mother died from cervical cancer. I have always thought of his two daughters as my own, since I have never had bio-children. They are my kids, but they call me by my first name. My BF and his youngest daughter have not ever seen eye to eye, and hit a crescendo her 6th grade year when she FALSELY accused him of child abuse to school authorities. She has sooo many problems... pathological lier seems to rule. She and he have never been close, and her mother let her do ANYTHING she wanted from a very early age, due to behavioral problems. For the last two years, I have been basically the one who cares for her concerning 90% of parenting. The good thing is that she and I get along great. But, it feels like she does it to see what she can get out of me. I purchase all of their clothing, encourage them to try new things, to be their best. My BF has been a hands off dad now, afraid she will accuse him of other, more terrible things. CPS can RUIN your life. He and I are in the position of mandatory reporters and her false accusations have had far reaching ramifications, even if they do not have substantial evidence, you are GUILTY and go on the US list of child abusers and your name does NOT come off. We tried to fight it legally, $10,000 later, she went back to the school officials and said it was not true, which appeared to them, we coherst her to resending her accusation. Anyway....I'm sure the amount of care I am involved with my SDs day to day is evident-we talk about everything from how they feel about losing their Mom, to boys and friend problems. The youngest SD will, on big events in her life conveniently leaves me out. Not that she doesn't want me there, and I am. She blanks me out of being there in her mind. Her dad, her sisters, her Godparents-everyone will be included in her thank you, everyone, but me, because in her mind I wasn't there. I threw her a surprise Hawaiian birthday -pool party-sleep over. Got her the electric guitar she wanted, etc... I did not do this for her to feel in- debited to me. I wanted her to have fun and have something to remember, look back with fond memories. She thanked her 14 year old sister for doing everything. Examples as such fill my last three years with her. My mom tells me she will look back and realize. Her dad spoke to her once about how I seem to be invisible to her and she had no good answer. She just clammed up. I feel like I am being taken advantage of, but on the other hand, I really enjoy seeing their faces light up, no matter who does what. I just would like a thank you and know they appreciate what I do for them. How to approach/deal with these issues?? Help....See Morehopdrop5_yahoo_com
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