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BM is a bad SM...double standards!

Posted by lovehadley (My Page) on
Thu, Nov 20, 08 at 13:08

Wow.

I have posted before about my BM's DH who has a DD--she is not his bio-daughter but he has raised her since she was an infant. She is now 10, almost 11. They share custody--I think about a 60-40 split w/dad getting the 40%.

So DH is heading to Houston (supposedly, this has been "happening" for weeks now and he's still HERE) to do tile work for 6 months.

He is only planning on coming home every 6 weeks or so.

Every night when BM calls to say goodnight to my DH's son, she frequently wants to talk to DH about this or that. He keeps his end of the convo short and pertaining to issues regarding their son--homework, school, sports, etc.

But BM is the kind of person that will talk and talk even if she's not getting much of a response. DH's end goes like this: "uh-huh, oh, uh-huh, oh" and so on. But she LOVES to spill the beans about anything and everything going on in her world.

Well last night she was going on about a big fight she is with HER DH's ex---her SD's mom.

OUR BM (I will call her J) called her husband's ex and told her that on the weekends R comes home from Houston, if it's not a "scheduled weekend to see his DD" he won't see her.

See, J and R have their kids on the same schedule---when J has her son on a weekend(my SS), R also has his DD on the same weekend.

So basically J is saying---if it's not "their weekend" to have the kids, R will not be seeing his DD.

So I guess R's ex flipped out and said that was a bunch of BS, and this little girl is not going to see her DD for weeks, even months, at a time---and that for the time being, any visitation schedule is going out the window and she NEEDS to spend time at her dad's house when he's in town, regardless of which parent's "weekend" it is.

UNDERSTANDABLE.

Then J apparently was complainging to my DH that she wants to be able to have alone time with R, and that all she wants him to do is "pick his DD up for breakfast on Sun. morning before flying back to Houston."

WOW.

I just can tell you....if THAT SHOE were on the other foot, if it were ME telling J that DH would only be seeing SS for "Sunday breakfast" after SS hadn't seen him for SIX WEEKS at a time....heads would ROLL. And rightly so!

I don't even get why BM is the one having these conversations with the ex-wife in the first place. NOT her place at all.

I mean, I CAN understand that J wants to have some time with R when he's home--he IS her husband and father of their baby together--but geez....if you want to go out to dinner and a movie on a Sat. night, get a friggin' babysitter!

At least then his DD could spend the WEEKEND with her dad instead of an hour at breakfast!


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: BM is a bad SM...double standards!

"So I guess R's ex flipped out and said that was a bunch of BS, and this little girl is not going to see her DD for weeks, even months, at a time---and that for the time being, any visitation schedule is going out the window and she NEEDS to spend time at her dad's house when he's in town, regardless of which parent's "weekend" it is.

OOOPS--I meant she is not going to see her DAD for weeks at a time.


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RE: BM is a bad SM...double standards!

I tend to think a bad SM is also a bad mom. If you do the right thing because you are a good person, you (at least try to) do the right thing ALL the time. That's just my philosophy. The father should not be allowing her to make that decision to keep him from seeing his child. If he goes along with it, he's more to blame than she is though, because it's his child and he needs to stand up for his relationship with his child.


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RE: BM is a bad SM...double standards!

Amen Ima

Although I have no respect for a step whatever or sig other treating poorly or preventing visitation or whatever of a chid... I will always blame the parent that allowed that to happen... It's your baby for gods sake


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