Does it say `TAXI` on my forehead!!

14 years ago

I got on here to post and then I got side-tracked by Finedreams post about Thanksgiving...:)

I was very upset because SD17 just thinks I am her personal taxi service. While she was with us (remember, BM was away for a month and there was a big "hulabaloo" about Skids and BM wanting us to check up on the older ones that they weren't having "parties"at her house, etc...?!!)

Well, while SD17 was here, the school called my DH. A few times. To tell him that SD17 wasn't going to all of her classes. She didn't OPEN a book while she was here. Not once. No sorry that's not true, she did math in front of the tv once. lol. Anyways, I was driving her to school every.single.morning. DH told the school it's very hard for DH to parent this child as she lives full-time with BM. (ie.it's hard if she skips school, because when she is with BM, BM thinks you can"manipulate" the school and teachers to feel sorry for you,they divorced 6 years ago and the kids are still taught to use the "I skipped class because I was so depressed due to my parents divorce" line.) But here's the kicker, SD17 is on EVERY committee known to man at the school. You name it, she does it. So DH also said to the school, to teach SD17 that skipping is NOT ok, why doesn't the school tell her "you can't be on the x y and z committees until you go to class". School hasn't even replied to him, but they don't want the kids off committees,it's free help and they need the kids to help run everything!! Anyways, I told SD that I could drive her home from her part time job at night, she works one evening a week and gets off at 9pm. We don't want her taking two buses home to BM's at that time, and I don't mind. So this is what made me so mad: she texts me today, says "I need a ride somewhere at 8pm". No "please", no "can you", just "I NEED A RIDE at 8tonight". So I am getting smarter, I text back"to where?":) She tells me it's to this kid's house that she is on a committee with, and it's like an hour away, and then an hour back! I know,because she got me to drive her there when BM was away!! UGH...so I say" can't another kid on the committee drive you, they drove you home last time?!" So she says ``no because I am at ANOTHER committee meeting before that one and they are all going earlier to the guy`s home for this SECOND meeting`!! So I said, `well then maybe you need to figure out which committee meeting is more important to you tonight so you can decide which one you are going to go to!!`` I mean, honestly, the kid doesn`t go to school but she can run around all over town to go to committee meetings!! arrgggh....

I think I handled it ok for once, what do you guys think, and any ideas on how to manage her skipping habit...:)

Comments (11)

terinick
14 years ago
You handled it great!
Too many committees = goofing off.

If she's 17, why isn't she driving herself?
justnotmartha
14 years ago
In our house committees and sports and extras go away really quickly if school performance and grades aren't up to snuff.
I think you handled it just fine - life is about making choices and at 17 she needs to learn that!
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catlettuce
14 years ago
Why isn't your DH, her mother (assuming she is back from africa) dealing with/doing this? How did this job fall to you? Just curious.

And yea if the grades are stinko and classes are being skipped those committees would be nixxed in a hurry. If it were my kid that is. As a Step mum you are really powerless there except to refuse to be the taxi service.

~Cat
shannon2356
Original Author
14 years ago
She doesn't yet drive, it's pretty expensive here to get insurance for kids...

Cat, I am the "driver" for the kids. BM doesn't have a car anymore, she tells everyone that she "doesn't believe in cars because she wants to make the world a greener place" but she actually lost her car because it was on loan to her from her boss and she stole some clients from her boss and worked for them privately, then her boss found out and fired her and took back his car..It's very sad really...

The "parenting" mostly falls to BM because DH has tried over and over to parent SD's. When he does impose curfews or takes away a priviledge, SD's just run back to BM, she takes their sides, tells them "there there, he can't do that to YOU, WE won't let him!!" and that's that. It's a big case of manipulation, BM has taught them since they were young...
catlettuce
14 years ago
Hmm, well that complicates things. I guess you could just refuse to be the driver until you and DH feel she has addressed her poor grades/attitude. If BM doesn't like it, well I guess SD could always go green and hoof it, or not not be able to participate in all these activities.

When my DS started driving (same insurance issues here as in most areas) the deal was this 1. Grades and schoolwork had to be kept up to standards. 2. DS had to work and earn enough money to pay for his gas, ins & maintenence for his vehicle. 3. Any tickets would be be paid for by him and if it happened more than once the car would be gone.

He did in fact get 2 speeding tickets within 3 months of each other and I took his car away and sold it. He was mortified to have to ride the bus for the next year. I was terrified he would get himself killed or kill someone else. Now he is a very good driver, but I don't think I slept that first year. Everyone thought I was so extreme, but I don't regret being that harsh at all. My youngest SS we had to force to get his license at 17 because he would have been perfectly happy to have a chauffer forever, it really got ridiculous! (not the same SS we've had all the issues with)

Back to your SD, what would happen if you just step back from this and let your Dh deal with it? That way it's not your problem and you won't have that frustration. Also it may be a really good learning experience for her to not have you to taxi her around.

JMHO, just doesn't seem fair that this has ended up being your problem. The girl has two able bodied parents. Maybe you can choose to "go green" for a while?

Hugs,
~Cat
terinick
14 years ago
Cat:
"He did in fact get 2 speeding tickets within 3 months of each other and I took his car away and sold it."

That is classic! I would've done the same thing. Fortunately, when my sons started to drive, they knew I meant business. Follow the law or pay the consequences. I had a large chalkboard in the kitchen and on it, in bold letters were the words "There is no bail money." That meant ... if you get in trouble, don't call me to bail you out. We made it through those teenage years without incident.

Shannon:
SD needs to get a drivers license.
Insurance under a family plan shouldn't be more than $50.00 per month.
shannon2356
Original Author
14 years ago
Cat, good for you, that you took away your sons car...I think you did the right thing!!

Terinick, we don't have money to buy SD a car, and BM has no car as I mentioned in one of my posts, so I don't think that's going to work. SD did call me and DH and ask us to drive her to a "meeting" last week that would have taken about 45mins. there and 45mins. back so DH stepped up and told her "No way". She then called me again and left a very long whiny message that could she please have a ride, and why she needed to go to the meeting,etc...so I called her back and said NO nicely but firmly, told her again that grades and school come first. And the best part, she brought up that she "wasn't trying to guilt me into doing it" and I replied "well, trying to 'guilt' me into anything DOES NOT work...!! I felt so good with myself...:)
terinick
14 years ago
I'm not suggesting you purchase a car for the girl ... I'm suggesting she get a drivers license. Talk to your insurance company and ask about adding a teenage driver to your policy. Most companies give discounts for drivers ed classes and good grades. If she gets her grades up and proves she is trustworthy, perhaps Dad will let her use his car to get to her meetings on occasion.
mom2emall
14 years ago
So I am making the assumption that her after school job is for her to buy herself luxuries....and not to help pay bills in the home. If it were my child I would say:

"since you are not going to class and not doing homework you are not allowed to go to these committee meetings or have an after-school job. Until you go to all your classes each day for a month and bring your grades up-- school and home will be it for you! I will not drive you anywhere but to/from school."

There is no reason why this girl can not go to class and do homework if she has all this time for committees and an after-school job.
catlettuce
14 years ago
As Nancy Reagan so aptly put it "Just say NO."

This has turned out to be my favorite word the past 6 months :0) You are not her Taxi service, errand girl, personal driver-make other plans for your time. If she can't get herself to class and pass with decent grades why should you be at her disposal?

I think I'd join an evening book club or Ladies group and leave them all to it.

Best of luck and let us know how it all shakes out, I'm curious to see if your SD applies herself to her studies.

~Cat
lamom
14 years ago
Shannon, I agree with mom2emall and really everyone. A part-time job is good at one level but is not more important than homework and focusing on school work. Plus the money from the job probably is going for clothes, downloads, movies, concerts whatever.

Totally agree, all the committees need to be put on hold or eliminated if her grades aren't where they should be. While BM may be the primary parent, you don't have to be the support system for this stuff you don't like.

Nope, there is no TAXI on your forehead unless you put it there as in Stop sign.

Does it say `TAXI` on my forehead!!

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Does it say `TAXI` on my forehead!!

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