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This is probably going to sound silly but.....

Posted by tdwh (My Page) on
Mon, Nov 3, 08 at 5:38

Hi. First time I have posted. Not sure how all these initials work ....SM, BM etc. I get some of them but could someone enlighten me...that would be great. I also need some advice....I am very keen for my new partner to have a good relationship with my children. They are only youn (both under 7) and I can see that they are often looking to see that he approves and cares about them. I always give them a hug and kiss in the morning when we part and I would really like my partner to do the same as it is what the kids are used to and when he doesn't do it I think they may be wondering why not. Sometimes he does do this, other times he just shouts goodbye to them or pats them on the head. This morning my partner came up to my 5 year old and my five year old thought he was going to get a hug goodbye when in fact my partner was just going to straighten his collar. I motioned to my partner to hug my son but he didn't do it and just stalked out. I went out to talk to him about it and he accused me of having a go at him before he went off to work. I know you cant push these things but I suppose I feel that it wouldn't have hurt him to hug the boys. I know he dropped his son back at his mum's yesterday after a weekend visit and that he is sensitive about this. What should I do? Thanks in advance for any answers.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: This is probably going to sound silly but.....

Some people are just not as comfortable with affection as others are. I know it took a bit more effort to be affectionate with my skids then with my own child. Affection is something that comes with time and has to be comfortable for all involved. Is your partner affectionate with his child? Is he the type to hug you and kiss on the cheek a lot?


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RE: This is probably going to sound silly but.....

My partner has lived with us for 18 months now...he is a very affectionate person and hugs the children goodnight every night. I'm not really sure what the issue was for him this morning. I was shocked that he could be so unfeeling towards the kids.


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RE: This is probably going to sound silly but.....

What I really want to know is....am I being unreasonable?


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RE: This is probably going to sound silly but.....

Hi TDWH,
Welcome! I attached a link below to another thread about abbreviations so you can be brought up to speed. It's pretty confusing at first!

About this issue you're having. I can relate. I could tell my DD didn't want much to do with him at first, and he was really good about giving her space. But I've been noticing lately that she wants more from him. I asked him if he could start being more affectionate with her, that it would mean a lot to me. He has started, and they are getting closer (she doesn't do the "corner of the eye" look so much).

It sounds like your SO (significant other) may have had a hurried morning and had a lot on his mind, so he overreacted. I wouldn't read too much into it. It's really hard to have a relationship with someone when another person is right there telling you how to do it. Perhaps you should just tell him that it makes you really happy that he's so loving toward your child and you know your son is really enjoying his attention. Then back off, and see what happens.

I don't think you are unreasonable to want them to have a loving relationship at all. But we all know how men (and women too... sometimes...) don't like to be told what to do and like to think it's their own idea.

:)

Here is a link that might be useful: Abbreviations


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RE: This is probably going to sound silly but.....

Silversword, many thanks indeed. That's a great help. I did speak to my partner in detail about how I was feeling and I think we may have sorted things out. There is an element of him not wanting me coaching him into doing the "correct" thing as far as the children go. He says he was unaware that my son wanted a cuddle, it had ben unintentional, and the disagreement with me had only been because he was feeling stressed that morning. Many thanks for your advice.


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RE: This is probably going to sound silly but.....

tdwh, that's wonderful. So nice when it works out like that. Have a great day!
~Silver


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