Awww BIG HUGS to you Ima!! I'm so sorry your mother is so ill. It's so difficult and you are trying so hard to make this nice for her.

I have to comment that what a classy move of your Dads lady friend. I mean that is so thoughtful. Maybe after dinner you can pack up a nice meal for her and send it over with your dad.

What else can you do? Just go with your plan, and I will send all the good vibes I can your way and hope for the best. Enjoy the time with your mom and your family that does show up. That's most important.

I am going to think positive that your family keeps in mind your mothers fragile health and will pull it together for her & you tomorrow.. Sending love and hugs your way!
~Cat

Oh ima - first of all, I'm sorry about your mom. I hope that the chemo goes well and that she beats this thing and has many more christmas' with you and your family. Keep us updated.
Second, I feel your pain... Last years thanksgiving and Christmas was a drama nightmare for us... This year, the drama train moved away to another state (marine brother) and so we don't have this going on for us this year. Yay!
It is disrespectful and rude of your family to not even RSVP and are you saying, they don't even offer to bring a side dish? You do it all??
There is always the one person in the family that manage to make it aboutthem and their schedule and it always seems to be the one that collects their gifts and hits the road quickly lol

It's late, it's thanksgiving eve and you don't even know when everyone will show? Crazy!!! Nor do you know how many exactly will show.

Very nice of your dad's friend to back out but I am with you, I would feel guilty too. I can't even tell you not to feel guilty bc I know I would but I honestly don't think you should. Will your Dad get to see her at all? I hope this new 'friend' is a good thing for your dad -- sound like he just wants a friendship for now and that's ok :)

My brother's wife is oh so dramatic and his children are mean, evil, brats that see my kids once a year or so and they fight like tigers. I love my brother but his family is awful and I don't know how he deals with it. Every year when we get together, SIL bring up the past, things we all just wish she would forget. It's been 17 years, move on! So we didn't like you when we first met you, not much has changed!! Ha just kidding. She is such a drama queen! And everything has to revolve around her. The one thing that annoys us is she goes to the store with us to buy food, doesn't offer to help pay and picks out things no one eats and then she doesn't even eat it. It's a waste! I'm looking forward to it being us (minus Dd) my sister and nephew (although they usually have some drama too) my parents and my grandma. My in law's are also coming.. I've been cleaning all day and can't seem to get Anything marked off my list. But I think it will be a nice day. Very relaxed although my grandmother has decided that 3 is too early, the Cowboys play at 3... It's a good time to eat lol in my opinion. So we've moved the time back to 5... Meaning I have to figure out lunch for us and my in law's ... Not something I planned for. And they only called me at 10pm. Hope everyone likes ham and cheese sandwiches and chips...

Have a nice day tomorrow. I hope it goes smoothly. And again I'm sorry to hear about your mom.

Thanks. I was having a stress free week until yesterday afternoon when my niece got a wild hair & everyone started calling everyone to change it. Then I got the call from my brother, telling me what the new plan was. Fine, I agreed since it's only an hour & I don't want to seem petty. Deep down, I don't think it's really petty since yes, I do buy & cook all the food. Usually, I do all the planning, shopping & cooking. Everyone shows up (late or throughout the day after they make the rounds at other parties) and by 5-6 pm, they're all gone (usually before dessert... I always make pies that I'm left with). Then I am there to clean up everything after everyone leaves because I don't think my dad should have to clean up. He has high blood pressure and leg problems. Don't get me wrong, I love all the planning, shopping, cooking, etc. for family gatherings when everyone shows up & has a good time. I really don't mind doing all the work if everyone could just show up on time & be pleasant. Maybe that's too much to ask?

Dad has been bothered by the lack of contribution from anyone else, especially since my SM died but nobody else will do it. I thought it would be smooth without SD here to drum up drama. I just want my parents to be able to spend a few days a year with all their kids & grandkids (and now great grandkids). I guess I'm just kidding myself that my family is ever going to care how my parents feel about it...

All the running to place to place for your mother is bound to wear her out before the day is through. I hope she is able to enjoy the day. You have such a big heart, Ima, and you try so very hard. Thoughts and prayers your way this holiday season.

The 'plate' idea for your father's friend mentioned above sounds nice. Perhaps you could make up a couple plates and send an extra pie. Your father and her could have a already prepared evening meal together. Or perhaps Friday evening Dh, you, Dad and friend could have a quiet meal together? Pie and leftovers turned creatively into a new meal.

Maybe I'm just getting 'mean' in my old age, but I've stopped trying to please everybody. My mother too has had several surgeries this year and she also lost her SO and has been struggling through the probate as admin (she's mentally worn out). The family and extended family were simply told by me and my sister 'dinner is at such and such a time and place, you've welcome and expected to come, I suggest you find enough respect for _______ (fill in relationship) to be there and yes, of course, please bring a dish to pass'.

My sister is already there (listening to her stuff a bird at 5am this morning over the phone was funny, 54 yrs old and never stuffed a turkey before). Sis has got both ovens already going and purchased a triple crockpot. I'm on my fourth dish (yeah, I'm sitting here having coffee and reading too). Everybody else is bringing something and our non-cookers are bringing trays from a deli already prepared. My youngest son who was not going to come (work schedule) has changed his mind and is leaving in an in a few minutes to go up and help set up and visit with Gma this morning. He'll leave mid afternoon.

How ever the day turns out, ima you've done all you can. The other's simply have to take responsibilty for their self and their own actions (or lack of).

Ima,

I'm so sorry that your mom is sick. Try to enjoy the time you have with her, and big hugs to you!!

Hey Ima,
How did your TG go? Was your mom able to enjoy? I was thinking about you and so hope it all went well and that everyone chipped in and helped so you were able to enjoy time with your mom.
~Cat

My sister showed up an hour late with my mom... they left late so she never got hijacked to my niece's house. After the fact, I found out my niece was hosting dinner at her house for her other grandparents and her boyfriend's parents but I can only assume she didn't want to invite my parents. I am not happy with her for that, but I am glad that I got to spend the day with both of my parents. My other sister came over with her husband & my brother (niece's dad) stopped by too. He's the one that slipped and mentioned his daughter was cooking at her house and my mom asked him why he didn't tell her... but I did tell you... oh no you didn't, you said she wanted me to stop by to see the kids... mom, I told you! When I talked to my brother a few days before, he told me the same thing my mom says he told her... that my niece's ex got the kids and is not flexible at all so they couldn't come over and be late getting the kids to him. My niece is apparently a little piece of work... I'm a little surprised actually & irritated with my brother for going along with it. As for chipping in... my sister brought a dish & helped set up but I always do a majority of the cooking because my other sister doesn't know how to cook & the one that did help is the one that travels to see us.

But, my parents had all four of their kids there for a while & that's the important thing. Mom got to play with DGS so that was nice too.

Oh good. All things considered it sounds like it went well. Glad you were able to enjoy it. Sounds like your brother will have his hands full with your niece. At least you were able to avoid any dramas and I am happy to hear your mother enjoyed herself :0)
~Cat