Yup, Ima, that's it! Good detective work. It's bigger than the ones I liked right off the bat, but the band is fairly narrow and square shouldered (like me - LOL) so is actually properly proportioned to my hands and their shape. I had it for a few days, and now it's in for sizing. It's going to need some pretty major reconstruction (3 sizes too big) so it's gone for quite awhile :( I saw my sister and my grandpa and a few friends while I had it though! I think I'll wear my great-grandma's opal ring in the meantime so my hand isn't so lonely. JNM - about the wedding planning - we've chosen February and I have some venue phone calls to make on Wednesday. We're just doing close family and a few close friends. So if everyone comes, brings a date, and their kids, it would be 41 adults and 8 kids. If only the people currently in relationships bring dates, it will be 33 adults. So that's pretty tiny. We'll be doing ceremony, supper, toasts and mini-dance with our tiny group, probably at a hotel (hopefully the one with the beautiful stone atrium full of tropical plants). Then we'll have an open house the next day for the more extended family and friends to join us. It will be a come-and-go tea style thing (like is often done for 25th or 50 anniversaries) at our home. A__ will most likely be sort of a junior groomsman / senior ringbearer. He's too old to be a ring bearer, and too young to be a groomsman, so we think he will come in with and stand beside the groomsmen, and hand us the rings. So the vision is coming together... Even if nothing is booked and concrete yet. My bridesmaids (my sister and a dear friend) live in other towns, so I might drive a couple hours this weekend to do some dress shopping with the friend. My sister is 8 and a half months pregnant right now, so she won't be too involved in the legwork part of planning for awhile :) Since we're doing small and simple for the guest list and venue, I think my dress will be also small and simple. Who knows what I will like when I try on, but the dresses that jump out at me online are mostly like http://www.houseofbrides.com/product.php?productid=22816&cat=536&page=3 or like http://www.houseofbrides.com/product.php?productid=22256&cat=462&page=1 More than one layer of soft fabric usually works better on me than one layer of heavier fabric, but we'll see what I like when I start shopping. That's all I know so far :) (Oh, and I will wear my mom's pearls and use open blooms in my beautiful old teacups as centerpieces - but I knew that part before I knew the groom)

Cat, it's terrible that you have tried, but your DH has such a bad attitude. It seems like your DH is one of the "My children are perfect, and how dare you find fault with them... Oh, but your child sucks" people. That's too bad, because of all the stress it has put on your marriage. JNM, I thought you shared that philosophy! A__ and I have actually talked about this give and take relationship... After a particularly rough patch, when he was being rather bratty, and I got pretty snippy with him, I explained that I love him no matter what, but that we choose how we treat each other, so we should choose to treat each other well. He seemed to think this was quite reasonable and succinctly said "So if I try to be very nice to you, then you try to be very nice to me? I think I can try to do that" So we had some hugs and kisses and moved on. We renew this conversation every few months. Kathline - Thanks, but I'm not all-nice-all-the-time... Here's how: BM can frustrate me, and I get upset when she doesn't want to "wear her mom hat" because her "GF hat" or her "work hat" get in the way. When she wears her "mom hat," she is a very good mom and she wants what's best for A__, but sometimes she makes me mad because I see A__ getting the short end of the stick. Overall, she's not so bad though, and she's not mean or spiteful and she doesn't use A__ as a weapon. Part of why I decided to take an active role in A__'s ADHD management was selfish: I thought "Wow, I'm really nuts about my BF, and I like his son's big heart and goofy personality... but if he's always this out of control, I don't think I can handle being in this relationship... :( " So I learned about ADHD, and I talked to FDH, suggested things that could help A__ and tried to keep positive, focusing on good days, not bad, and looking for his improvements, not his weak points... Meanwhile I worked towards a loving relationship with A__, making sure that I let him set the pace and the boundaries of relationship growth. But it wasn't JUST for A__ or FDH, it was for me too. There are days (A__'s bad days) when I think "BLARGH!! He's being such a brat today!!" but of course I don't say "Why are you being such a sh17ball?! Stop it!" Instead I try to help him have a good day and shift the focus to that. Sometimes after a few bad days in a row, my patience gives out and I get cranky with him (mostly my tone changes to short and snippy) but I try to solve things before it hits that. It helps a lot that I can be honest and frank with FDH about how I feel about A__. I often have A__ when FDH is at work (BM knows and is fine with this) and I know that it's safe to tell FDH "It's a wonderful day! A__ is being a perfect little angel today! He's a treat to have around!" or "Average day. A__'s being mostly good, with a little bit of lip and attitude, but overall well-behaved" or "It's not a good day! A__ is being a total nightmare and I am counting down the seconds until bedtime." I don't think A__ does things just to get people riled... Although I do think he does things for negative attention. He doesn't always know the way to look for positive attention, and positive attention isn't reinforced in other parts of his life... So I try not to take it personally, and try to focus on ways to look for positive attention. But if I'm very honest, this is something I don't like about him. But I guess my view of A__ is that he's got a big heart and is a thoughtful kid, who has a complicated life and a lot of challenges. The complicated life isn't his fault, as long as he is trying to be his best in light of his challenges, I am happy!

Thanks for your reply Ashley, it helps to know that there's people out there who understand, even though our situation is not exactly the same. We might see the skids more, but BM's influence is still very very strong so we have a similar outcome. And just this week there's another great example of it. The skids were supposed to come to our place for a week because it's holidays. They might be coming from Fri.night to Sat.night, but this is not even sure. The reason? Because it's holidays they want to spend more time with family. You can imagine how FDH felt when they said that :-( SD14 often writes on her facebook page that family is most important, but I doubt she'd think of us when writing that. It's just so important for BM to prove the point that we don't really count. For example birthdays. When it's the kids birthdays she'll make sure we don't see them on the day. She used to make skids believe that FDH didn't care or make an effort (while turning FDH's request to see them down), but now that they are older she can't do that anymore. So now she keeps them busy and because family is most important, especially on a day like that...you guessed it already. FDH's birthday is not a day we get to see them either, even though this is not an important 'family' day on her end, she'll still keep them busy. She's clever in how she does it because she doesn't deny the kids access to FDH. When they ask if they can come here for dinner on FDH's birthday she'll say "of course you can honey". Then she'll organise something and give the skids the choice, making a point of it that they should feel free to choose and not pressured by FDH. They always choose her option, no need to say. And not just that; by always telling them that FDH shouldn't pressure them, they start to perceive that FDH pressures them, even when he's not. It's programming, that's all that is. Another example when my family visits (from other side of the world, maybe once every 2 years) BM will keep the skids away from us, also normal visits are cancelled. That is when she plans 'family' time and family is more important. And you know what? I agree that my family is not so important to the skids. They have only met them a couple of times, they don't have a bond as such, they hardly know each other. My parents send birthday cards, that is it. And that is ok. FDH and I are not married yet either, they are not family to them. No problem. But, what's the harm in the kids meeting them when they visit? Why can't we have normal visitation? We do not ask for extra time or changes, only to see them as per normal would be nice! I kid you not, when my family last visited they saw the skids for 2 hrs...

We had something similar come up w SD(11) a few weeks ago in school....a little girl was being mean to her, pulled her by the arm and yanked her jacket off the wall and spit on it.....We made the decision to notify the school (SD didnt tell a teacher) and the little girl said it was "an accident" so the school gave her a warning...SD knew it wasnt an accident, and I beieve her...I realized that I couldnt change the little girl, and talking to her parents prob wouldnt do any good (i firmly believe kids act out what they learn at home etc..) The school, I didnt feel was very effective in my opion with the matter, so I and DH decided that even though all of those things were out of our hands there was one thing that was in our hands and that was to teach SD how to react to such a situation when it presents itself, we talked with her about why children sometimes act inapropriatley, how to handle the situation, and also worked with her on some self defense things (when the girl grabbed her she was terrified, and froze up) I could tell immediately that SD felt more confidant after our talk and lesson on bullies...the girl has left SD alone now that SD has shown that she will stand up for herself and not allow this girl to call her names or physically bully her any longer...