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SD refuses to go BMs

Posted by pseudo_mom (My Page) on
Tue, Nov 13, 12 at 1:20

Well it's happened SD13 is refusing to go to her mothers ... Same situation as 3 years ago when she refused to come here its been 2 weeks. She went to moms on Saturday night @8 showed up here Sunday @noon ... She says she now sees how twisted her mother is doesn't like moms bf it's just a mess in reverse ... Telling her you did this with us last time and she's your mom you still gave to spend time with her... She refuses to talk to her on the phone total flip flop now ...

But it has me skeptical on the timing mom does not celebrate holidays and mom has stressed continuously over the years she has no money she tells the boys she doesn't have custody so she doesn't have to do anything for them SD she tells go ask your father.. ..so I'm thinking that SD thinks if she shows us more loyalty she will get more stuff but that isn't the case we have always done for because mom does not ... Guess I am just waiting for the bubble to burst

Mom is not happy hubby continues to tell mom I won't make her go mom is threatening to call the cops it's gonna get bad again


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: SD refuses to go BMs

If I remember correctly, is she the SD who managed to 'behave' herself to go on a desired vacation, but then as soon as returning was back to 'her old ways'? If so, you may be right to be doubtful on what this latest is all about. She seems to be quite the manipulator in getting what she wants and how to act out (or not) to do it.

Personally, I think it's wrong to allow the child/teen to call the shots on if and/or when he/she wants to visit or if they want to at all. To me, it just really sets up giving the kid way to much power to play one parent against the other. I think it also can bring out very undesirable manipulation skills that the kids then fine-tune and carry on into adulthood.

I'm uneasy over the fact a judge just gave my SGS15 too much say so in SGS's case. There was a custody and resident change in SGS's case. He is down with my SS fulltime now...and judge signed off on allowing SGS to make his own decisions on whether he will (and for how long) he'll visit his mother. There is no set visitation. He'll be going to BM's in December to pick up some personal items still there. She's hoping he'll stay a couple weeks. SGS announced, he'll wait until he gets there to decide if he wants to stay a bit or just pick up his things and head right back with his father. He has not seen his BM since the end of May. I just foresee nothing but hurt feelings and trouble coming between SGS/Dad/Mom with this new arrangement.


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RE: SD refuses to go BMs

I doubt the 13 yr old remembers what she did at age 10 and the effects. If she doesn't want to visit, how can you make her without being the bad guy? I think kids need a lot of input into this kind of thing. You don't learn how to deal with life by having someone else make all your decisions. I think all the custodial parent has to do is make a child "available" for a visit. Sometimes it means driving them to the other parent's, but you really can't make them get out of the car. Let her decide. Teens are learning so much. If her mother is doing things 13 yr old is uncomfortable with, who is going to protect her? Let her help decide if and when she visits. Have her write down what she wants and why. Somebody needs to listen to this child.


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RE: SD refuses to go BMs

Yes same child ... they have 50/50 visitation... Hubby is CP to the 2 boys and mom CP to SD ...

I have listened to this child over the years .... her BM created and encouraged SD's behaviours except she just never thought her child would treat her the way she wants her DD to treat others. She thought taking her on a guilt trip would suffice.

I disengaged completely from her 3 years ago ... I am polite and friendly but do nothing for her she has two parents who are obligated to do so .... BM twisted this childs mental state so much that it became a wait and see what happens game...I was given no choice ...

But something at mom's recently sent her over the edge completely opposite of 3 years ago .... and now she says she never meant to be mean to her father its how she proved to her mom she loved her more. If she had fun at daddys mom would cry and say you love daddy more so to appease mom she would be miserable here ... (we knew this all along.)

In june she started to lose it with her dad again (we were going somewhere and mom decided to sabotage it so the child would be miserable again while with us) and we let her know basically your misery is your own you create it you dwell on it you enjoy it ... and if you wanted a better life you need to change your outlook on things .... she has been a decent person to us since then but her behavior at mom's has deteriated to the point it is at now .... hasn't seen or spoken to her mom in more than a week ... this is a kid who spent every waking moment on the phone with mom even at 3 am would wake up to call mom ... and yes she remembers everything because it is rehashed all the time.

We have encouraged her to talk to her counselors at school her mentor (big sister program)...

Just waiting ... could be worse ... 7+ years in only 4 to go :)


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